when we first got the internet in 1999,I started looking up different things like Jehovah,Jehovah's Witnesses,Watchtower,WTBTS.The floodgates opened(Mal.3:10).Then I found freeminds.org,I've been inactive since,having a very hard time leaving for good because I can't reason with my wife.
Do you remember when you first Googled "Jehovah's Witnesses"?
I was in a bad state of mind desperately looking for some sort of help--maybe some sort of therapy that could help me. I couldn't stomach going to one more meeting or one more talk with the elders and I figured there was something really wrong with me for feeling that way. I felt totally alone. I was shaking, heart pounding, dry mouth--scared to death of running into some rabid foaming at the mouth apostates.
I never googled JW sites. I actually found a poem on a poetry site about someone who had left the organization. I sent this person a pm, telling her how I was struggling both ways (do or don't become one of JW's). She sent me a link to this site here.
Since I live alone, I don't have to look over my shoulder while I'm on the internet, but I do have to say that I'm worried about going to the bookstore and buying Crisis of Conscience. What if a JW is in the store and sees what I buy, or worse, what if a JW works the register? It makes me feel sooooo two faced.
I felt the same way - went into two book stores looking for CoC. First one you had to ask an attendent to look up the info. So I left!
Second one I could search for myself and found that it is 'out of print'.
I still have not gotten a copy of this but found that they can ordered online at commentarypress.com.
LOL that feeling of terror and that we will be caught...!!! Criminy. We are all grown ups!!
I didn't even think of typing JWs into a search engine all those years I was on the internet. All I wanted to do was get the hell out and block out that horrible part of my life, which I did for many years. I originally came across Freeminds from a different website. Someone had mentioned dating a JW, and someone told them not to and gave a few links to Freeminds. I had no trembling or guilt because I was already out for 6 years and sinning heavily. I was stuck on Freeminds for a good 3 or 4 days, deprogramming myself.
That's pretty much what it was like for me, Nos, only I had only been out about 2 years at that point. Started at Freeminds...found my way to H2O, then eventually ended up here...it'll be the fifth year anniversary of my "online apostacy" in just a few days. I have no doubt without having met and talked with so many who have been down the same road getting out that I'd still be stuck where I was. I've come a long way, baby, in those five years. We all have. Cheers to friends, now gone or moved on...thanks for being teachers to me. I salute you. ~essie
Google, Prodigy, Netscape...
Whichever method you used to resaerch about the JW religion, I am happy that we all ended up here.
I know just what you mean. I still fear stuff--like illness, unemployment, etc. but one thing I absolutely do not fear is God or demons. What a freedom that is. Can't even imagine how horrible it is to live with that kind of fear. Thank God for my willingness to explore.
I was very fortunate, in that I was dating a fabulous "worldly" man at the time (3 years ago).
thank God for fabulous worldly men, yumm...
It was only last month...
And all this time 12 years I din't try anything or to know anything...
I still feel something guys.. it can't be... Is it possibl that it was all a big lie or we are still looking for the truh about bible or Jehovah?
I have nearly forgotten what it is like to have the veil lifted from my eyes. For me it was a physical sensation. Sitting in front of my computer all those years ago.
It is like a death. Denial sorrow anger etc. I said to myself "How could I have believed a lie all those years?" I won't lie now and say it's an easy journey but you cannot go back if you are truly an honest hearted(and brave) person.