What's Your Opinion Regarding Spanking A Child?

by minimus 95 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lady Lee

  I find it interesting to see the parents side of this. A few years ago I did a survey asking young adults whether they felt the discipline they got growing up was abuse.

  Some of the respondants who experienced the harshest "discipline" didn't realize that what had been done was abusive.

  According to our definition, 15 (24.59%) respondents have been abused. Seven (6.66%) stated that they had been abused at the time of the punishment.

  Of the 15 (24.59%) respondents who were abused, 7 (46.66%) or 11.47% of the total respondents said that they had NOT been abused; 8 of the fifteen (53.33%) or 13.11% of the total said that they had been abused.

  Five respondents (8.20%) of the total (61) said that they had been abused but were not abused according to our definition.

  Of the 11 respondents that stated that their punishment was "too much," 8 (13.11% of the total) had been abused. They all had been bruised as a result of their "punishments." The other three respondents (4.91% of the total) said that their punishments were "too much," but according to our definition they had not been abused.

  http://members.shaw.ca/leemarsh/psa-abuse.html

  Over the years I have heard many people say that the punishments the got were normal. But then they say they would not to the same to their child.

  In some cases people have had their child removed from their homes because of repeating what they thought was "normal" discipline.

  What I found most interesting was the one person who said she had been abused but recieved the one slap in the face. I suspect that since physical punishment was so rarely used that the one time slap was such a shock that she felt the slap crossed the line.

  Too often people say that they deserved the discipline they got even when they later realize it crossed the line. I think we need a lot more research into both the short term and the long term effects of corporal punishment on children
• 

  ohiocowboy

  We also rewarded exceptionally good behavior. I find that too many people get hung up on disciplining poor behavior, rather than rewarding exceptionally good behavior. After all what motivates you at work? Spiffs, recognition, awards?

  Excellent point! Rewarding good behavior instinctively causes a person to try to do good as best they can, as often as they can, thereby reducing negative behavior, which in turn reduces the need to be disciplined.
• 

  drwtsn32

  I know you used the word "usually", but being a parent, and knowing lots of other parents, out in public is when MANY kids can get very bratty.

  I completely agree and wasn't intending to generalize. I was really just trying to voice my opinion against the "if you don't spank, you will raise brats" idea some have.

  I was rarely spanked. OTOH my wife was hit out of anger or abused verbally. We are hoping that we won't have to spank our kids at all, and seeing some of our friends use this approach has encouraged us that it can be very successful.

  True, we have no kids and I have no experience, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about this and come up with ideas that we're going to try when the time comes. Will they work? I hope, but I won't criticize someone who uses spankings effectively. (Not out of rage, not eccessively, etc..)
• 

  ApagaLaLuz

  Personally, I think it only breeds resentment. I feel it is a primative response/coping mechanism. It is a loss of control in the spanker.

  Amen to this!! I was spanked as a child, and whipped, and beat. When I would show my mother my bruises she would say 'good, when you look at those you remember what you did that made me have to hit you'. The problem is when I would look at those bruises that's NOT what I thought about, instead I let my heart start to feel hateful. I acted out even more because I resented her so much for it.

  Spencer is 7 years old. He has never had a spanking in his life, and people constantly tell me how well behaved he is. I get complimented in public all the time for his manners and how well he minds. He respects me, and he's my best friend. I'm rarely angry with him or raise my voice, so when I do it's a BIG deal to him. He got a bad report from school not too long ago, I told him I didnt want to see him and sent him to his room to write an apology letter to his teachers. He fell to pieces crying so hard.

  As for me, I was yelled at and screamed at, and slapped around so much as a child that I eventually started to tune out EVERYTHING they said.
• 

  Princess

  True, we have no kids and I have no experience, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about this and come up with ideas that we're going to try when the time comes. Will they work? I hope, but I won't criticize someone who uses spankings effectively. (Not out of rage, not eccessively, etc..)

  I think it's great that you are already thinking about this Doc. When the time comes you'll have a pretty good idea how you want to raise your children...and when that doesn't work...you'll try something else.... Just kidding, well not really. We have to be able to see when a change is necessary and make it.

  We all need to realize that every kid is different and reacts differently to discipline. What works for a working parent may not work for a stay at home, everyone's life is different.
• 

  ApagaLaLuz

  Just as a side note, when Spencer was very young, about 9 months I was out to dinner. He was being just a normal child, playing with silverware, making noises, nothing terribly distracting. This women walks over to me and says 'perhaps you should give him a spanking'. To which I replied 'perhaps you should mind your own buisness'. I just hate it when strangers try to offer you 'advice'.
• 

  Carmel

  Tongue lashing is adequate treatment for recalcitrant apostababes!

  caveman
• 

  confusedjw

  Well I don't agree that spankings are always a loss of control or just breeds resentment. Certainly that can be the case, but it wasn't with me.
  

  On the few occassions that I spanked my son it was explained clearly to him that if he continued on the same course of behavior that he would be sent to his room and then spanked with my hand with no more than 5 slaps.

  He was clear on that - and only a couple of times did he push things that far. "Son if you keep biting I am going to send you to your room and then I'm going to come up and spank you and it's going to hurt and it's going to make you cry. Do you understand? I've explained to you why you can't bite people so if you do it one more time you know what is going to happen right?"

  Oh yes and he also knew that in a store or crowded area that when I said come along he had to come right along. No scene or tantrum as that would bring a spanking - on the spot. Once he pushed that. A man just doesn't let his kids pull that sort of stuff in public. It is not good to them to let them do that as they lose repect for themselves. I'm not for the "Now Joey if you keep screeming I'm not going to let you sleep with your stuffy bear tonight...no Joey you know you can't spit on Mommy...Joey pull you pants up - these people don't want see your bottom....now Joey..."

  I never spanked him with anything but my hand. A grown man only need to use the palm of his hand on the bottom to make the point nor should it be done in a way to humiliate the child like with pants pulled down or a cuff across the cheek.

  Without question he knows that I love him and he knew it then.

  My 2 cents.
• 

  minimus

  I prefer a tap over a spank.
• 

  ApagaLaLuz

  BTW Min, I applaud the way you made sure to add the word "child" at the end of your question to avoid a most certain hyjack