What's Your Opinion Regarding Spanking A Child?

by minimus 95 Replies latest jw friends

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  BeautifulGarbage

  The bratty children are usually ones that aren't being disciplined well.

  I know you used the word "usually", but being a parent, and knowing lots of other parents, out in public is when MANY kids can get very bratty. Even otherwise well behaved children can get overtired, overstimulated, and hungry can be very difficult to deal with and not being well desciplined at home has nothing to do with it. They are not little adults, and are still learning how to appropriately handle situations that are uncomfortable to them.

  Believe me, we feel the condemning stares of those, especially childless adults, that have " do SOMETHING about your bratty kid" written all over them. Though we try to anticipate those occasions, sometimes unexpected things do happen and we are not prepared.

  As far as spanking goes....

  An occasional swat to an othewise well loved, and well care for, child isn't going to cause any permament psychological damage. I do try to avoid it, however. The taking away of favorite toys and tv shows seems to work better in my house.

  Indeed, like Princess said, that's why Game Boys and, in my daughters case, portable DVD players were invented.
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  freedom96

  I don't really use spanking. I do feel that many times there is a different way to dicipline. However, if the child is about to hurt themselves, a quick slap on the wrist and a good solid NO might work.

  Complete defiance, maybe a swat on the butt. Notice I said swat, not swats. Spanking out of anger is wrong in my opinion.

  My parents would spank me. Maybe I acted up at the meeting, so afterwards, I would be taken home, and sometimes had to get spanked on my bare butt. There is no way in hell I would do that. One swat, at the time of dicipline, or none at all.
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  Odrade

  Speaking as a person who was spanked ALL the TIME... no. I would not spank a child. And to me, a swat on the hand or a tap on the butt is a much different thing from a spanking. Even those tactics, IMO should be used sparingly.

  Spanking is humiliating, painful, and way too easy to cross the line. You are big, the child is little. Also, where does one stop the spankings, 3 hits? 10 hits? Do you use objects? Do you stop at 5 years old? 10? 18 (as I was when I got my last one...)?

  there are always people who say that some kids just need spanking, there is no other way. My brother tells me that. He says we "needed" all the spankings we got. Clearly it's warped his mind. He says he would discipline the same way we were disciplined. I hope to God/Higher Power/Mother Nature/Karma--whoever, that he is sterile.

  My $2. Cause I was spanked ALOT as I child so I get to say more.

  O
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  Dan-O

  Spank 'em. A swat to the backside is sometimes required to get the little goomers' attention.

  Having said that, I'll also add that spanking should not be used at all ages. It's been a long time since I've spanked either of my kids, because I simply don't need to anymore. Very young children won't understand why they're being spanked. And older kids are usually punished more effectively through the restriction of priviledges.

  And there is a difference between spanking and beating. Spanking should not be done in anger.

  Spanking, like other forms of discipline, should be done privately. The goal of disciplining a child is not to humiliate the child. Rather, I think the goal is to enforce consequences for decisions that the child makes, so that the child learns to make better decisions in the future.
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  Dan-O

  Odrade, I understand what you're saying. My father was big on spanking, and would use whatever was handy to deliver the punishment. Sometimes it was his belt or a flyswatter. I also remember receiving welts & bruises when he used a piece of bamboo. And to me, that was excessive. Any spankings that I've delivered to my kids were always done with an open hand, and were limited to a couple of swats. I don't think it's right to beat the kids with some object or another.
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  Lady Lee

  Where to start

  My siblings and I were beaten - bruises welts the whole bit. I was the child that a look would have been enough but both my parents had no idea how to discipline and acted out their rage on their kids. It wasn't a great way to grow up.

  I was still a JW when my kids were small and I wound up repeating many of their mistakes. My oldest was like me and most often a look would be enough and an occassional swat. The younger one was stubborn and the look or a swat was never enough. I'm ashamed now that I would lose control. But I wasn't consistent and wasn't in control of most things in my life at that time. I only spanked on the bottom so I know I made some improvements over what my parents did to me but it wasn't enough improvement.

  Then I left the JWs and my husband. The girls were 12 and 8 yrs old. I learned other ways to discipline and I had a lot more control over myself. I can honestly say I only hit the younger one once (and that was one slap on the butt) after I left and never hit the older one. I learned how to give time out and grounding and reasoning. It was so much more effective.

  I have since babysat grandchildren and other kids under the age of 2 yrs. I realized that even when they are really young there are so many other options to spanking. I still think that under the age of 2 a slight tap on the hand might be useful for dangerous situations but I would much rather remove the child or the danger or find some other way. It would have to be pretty serious danger to push me to think the slap would be OK.
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  GentlyFeral

  I had to stop spanking my children after the age of four - that was when they were able to outrun me.

  (one for each of them)

  out in public is when MANY kids can get very bratty.
  ...overtired, overstimulated, and hungry

  Bingo. For some reason my kids were rarely ill-behaved out in public when they were young. Throve on stimulation, I guess. I mostly remember taking them to restaurants as toddlers, where they flirted with other diners and toyed with their food (without making too much of a mess). As long as they were quiet and not throwing food or running around all over the place, I didn't insist that they eat "a balanced meal" at a restaurant or party. At the few parties we went to, they were quiet, unobtrusive, and interested in everything. My kids never acted up when they were bored, but found things to do or withdrew into their heads.

  Ever since I was a young teen, I have been a firm believer in NEVER disciplining a child, even verbally, in public or in front of their friends. This dates back when I was thirteen. One day my boyfriend's mother scolded him when I was present; I was scandalized that she could embarrass her son that way, and resolved never to do that to anybody.

  GentlyFeral
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  L_A_Big_Dawg

  Spanking, when done correctly, is effective. The questions is what is "correctly"? In our house spanking was done by the parent that was the most emotionally distant from the offense. Spanking was done with a yardstick and on the rump. It was done after and only after an explanation of the offense was given to him/her. The amount of swats was one or two, but never more than two. Spanking was never done in public, only in the home.

  Spanking was rare. Time-outs, grounding and restriction were the most used form of discipline in the home. I found these to be more effective. We also rewarded exceptionally good behavior. I find that too many people get hung up on disciplining poor behavior, rather than rewarding exceptionally good behavior. After all what motivates you at work? Spiffs, recognition, awards?

  LABD
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  Cassiline

  Nevertheless, children need spanking. They won't die.

  Spanking confuses me. Do we hit, swat, spank, an adult who has done something wrong? No we do not. Why one feels the need to hit a child who may be injured quite a bit easier than an adult is a mystery to me. Why we feel it's necessary to hit a child, or 'swat' him or her into submission is beyond me. Is this going to get his or her attention quicker than our taking out time to explain what we want to convey through that spanking? Children are just small forms of adults who IMO are quite a bit smarter than we give them credit. I've raised two sweet girls one of who is an adult now without spanking. Yes, there were one or two times where I reacted out of fear when they were touching or trying to insert something in an electrical outlet and I popped their fingers, I immediately regreted it looking into her eyes. And I see no long term effects of my not spanking. I've a four year old boy who does not get spanked. He gets time outs and things removed which has a greater effect then me hitting him in the long run IMO. Hitting builds resentment and feelings of confusion. They learn it's ok to hit when adults hit them and the cycle continues. I know many say you can't reason with a two year old, I believe you can, it takes more time than a spanking but you can with patience. Spanking is a reaction of fear or anger, reason is a reaction which more need to use IMO. Cassi
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  Princess

  I know you used the word "usually", but being a parent, and knowing lots of other parents, out in public is when MANY kids can get very bratty. Even otherwise well behaved children can get overtired, overstimulated, and hungry can be very difficult to deal with and not being well desciplined at home has nothing to do with it. They are not little adults, and are still learning how to appropriately handle situations that are uncomfortable to them.

  Well said. It's so easy to generalize and there is always the parent with the little tired, overstimulated and hungry little angel who will get the crap beaten out of them if they move. Those people make me sick as they are so self righteous about their parenting skills when in reality, they have none.

  Believe me, we feel the condemning stares of those, especially childless adults, that have " do SOMETHING about your bratty kid" written all over them. Though we try to anticipate those occasions, sometimes unexpected things do happen and we are not prepared.

  Amen again. I've been known to say a thing or two to them when they vocalize their thoughts. It usually sends them packing...Mulan has witnessed it a couple times with a chuckle.

  There is a difference between being spanked frequently and being spanked effectively. Many parents don't understand the difference. My husband was spanked frequently with whatever handy object was lying near. I was spanked seldom and only with a hand. He actually is more in favor of spanking than I am.

  We are all different, with different kids. This is a debate than can go on forever...