Disfellowshipped for Fornication

TxNVSue2023

Hi I want to tell my story and get advice. I'm a single sister ( in USA) that has been baptized for 20 years. I'm in my mid40s. I came from the world, so did not grow up in the truth and I have no family in the truth -- I am alone.

Last year I met a brother & we did have premarital sex while we were dating. However, we were married shortly after our fornications (3 weeks later). I felt guilty so I rushed the wedding ( but he also rushed the wedding). We were happily married for 3 months and everything was going good. Then I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time - he had a worldly girlfriend for 10 years! Long story short, I did not forgive his adultery so I kicked him out, filed for divorce and went to the elders.

It was then that my ex told the elders of our premaital relationship. I went before the elders and answered all their invasive questions trufully. The disfellowshiped me for the fornication and later him for fornication and adultery.

I was stunned! I had truthfully confessed to my sins and fully coorperated with the elders interogations. I had told them that I did feel guilty about the premarital sex and that was one of the driving reasons that we married quickly. I told them that I had already repented, stopped my sinful course and asked Jehovah for forgiveness. How is it that they deem me as unrepentant?? I don't feel it's right that I was df'd when I was fully repentant.

Any elders have any insight on this?

Part Two: The Road the Reinstatement coming soon!

stan livedeath

hello Sue--and welcome to the site. I must point out that i--and most of the other regular contributors on here are EX jw's! , and would hardly encourage you to seek reinstatement--if that is your wish.

TxNVSue2023

I know. Well I am not currently a JW either as I was DF"d. I can't ask an active JW because I can't talk to anyone. I wasn't raised in the truth and have no family in. I have zero experience with this. There are likely former elders here who know the processes.

St George of England

Why go back for more of the same? You're free, take advantage of that fact and plan your future without a bunch of half-wits deciding what you should think and do.

George (A really old decrepit PIMO raised in from birth in the 1940's)

Vanderhoven7

Welcome to the forum Sue. You are able to talk freely on this site without condemnation. Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, "Neither did I condemn thee..go and sin no more. So the elders were not Spirit directed.

BluesBrother

Hello Sue. Judicial Committees are a bit of a lottery. I sat on load’s during my elder days and it all depends who you get and how the conversation goes when they get in the closed room. One positive or negative comment can swing the decision. If they are looking to d/f you they might say :

“ She did not confess straightaway, they hid their sin from the congregation and despite your claims of repentance now he has left , if you were truly repentant you would have come forward straightaway “

I know that sounds hard but that is how they are trained to think.

On this board you are welcome though, no judgement from us . Please stick around.

TxNVSue2023

But there was no reason to come forward with it. The matter was resolved when we married.

FFGhost

What Blues Brother said. It is an absolute crap shoot, what might happen.

The identical case with the identical words could be heard by 100 judicial committees and the outcome would be 50/50.

Putting it another way, “anyone can be disfellowshipped for anything that 3 elders agree on”.

You are presenting sound, rational arguments for why your outcome could have been different. But a judicial committee is neither sound nor rational. In the “best case scenario”, it’s 3 guys in a room trying their best to interpret intentionally vague instructions on how to judge if someone’s repentance is “genuine”.

In the worst case scenario, it’s 3 guys who are out to “get you” or “make an example of you” and you’ll be DF’ed no matter what.

in short, it is a completely irrational and arbitrary process. You can argue about how it should have been different or “they should have done it differently” but in the end, it’s the opinion of 3 guys.

TonusOH

TxNVSue2023: The matter was resolved when we married.

Did the elders on your judicial committee feel the same way? I think that most JWs would take the approach that having sex prior to marriage is a sin, and they would not make an allowance for how close you were to your wedding day. But the verdict is really down to how they view the issue as a whole.

If you convinced them that you were repentant, they are likely to be open to an early reinstatement. But as Blues Brother said, there are no hard and fast rules that cover every possible situation, and the elders are making a judgment call. If you really want to stay in, your only recourse is to accept whatever they decide and see what kind of schedule they have in mind.

As some of the others have said, it's not a course I recommend, but there is a clear path for you to return if that is what you want to do.

hoser

Knowing what I know now if I were in that situation I would vehemently deny having sex before marrying, referring to the two witness rule.

Honest people get to eat all the shit in life while abusive con artists like your ex husband screw you over in more ways than one. I would have thrown him under the bus for what he did to you

Disfellowshipped for Fornication

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