Your Opinion Pleeease
Everyone's opinion is more than appreciated !
"You just need to work out if the person likes you enough either to leave or to break the rules for you."
Yes sir, infinite patience, that's what I'm trying to do.
I'm sure I look like a fool, but it's cool.
Thank you. I sincerely appreciate your opinion.
You could very well be right and that's the way it will turn out in the end.
"...you have no obligation to this girl".
But that's the thing. In my soul I feel a spiritual obligation. I don't need her love or her warm body. I need to help her. I have unlimited girl friends.
It can't be explained with just words here.
We'll see. I'll post the result when the time comes.
I get it... You're a good guy and you want to help but she doesn't want your help at the moment. Your reward is going to be heartache and you deserve better than you've gotten from this girl How hard should you have to work to get someone to let you be there for them? Cult or not she hasn't been appreciative of you and you deserve better.
There's only so much you can do... Eventually she has to do it for herself.
I understand what you are saying.
I've been a selfish person my whole life. No more. It's not about me.
At first I had heartache, but no longer.
She is a Beautiful soul, but she is so tormented. So, I'm here to help her.
I agree that She, alone, has to make the right decision. I'm hoping and praying that she does.
I couldn't possibly reach out to you any further. Mine is a case one worse. She is JW - and divorced JW. No life ever again - but better than getting beat.
I was very patient for 3 years. I was engaged for 24hrs - util her brother found out and turned her in. She became shockingly different.
When it comes down to it, it's not just a matter of her leaving the the JW - she wants to leave - hates it. She was forced to choose not only between me and the Org - but between me the Org and her entire family. The Org has a nasty habit of mind control, guilt, and cutting you off from your entire family and all friends - they would "shun" her and force all family and friends to do the same. The Org has destroyed many families from people that don't "listen" to them.
My fiance was forced to go through serious re-indoctrination for coming close to leaving. She turned into such a zombie on the phone - I never was allowed to see her in person again by the Org..
All my reading and research said RUN - VERY FAR. But I can't tell you that. I tried too. I still love her very much, and foolishly hold out hope. Just know ...
If you want us to tell you what you want to hear, you probably came to the wrong forum. :)
Relationships like this either don't work at all or partly work and are really painful.
So my answer is:
(1) Greet her for the "New Year's Holiday" as a normal person would(2) Mention religion heavily in the form of an ultimatum, then follow through with what you say you're going to do. State you are not going to ever change your views and are not going to stay in the relationship unless she happens to be ready to change hers right now, and vow to never be involved with jws again.
I took option 2. Didn't work out so well.
Of course I reached a point where the JWs were never going to allow her to be with me. So I figured "what the hell" and tried to educate her on the history and facts of the JW. It was the only option. She doesn't want to be "in" any way.
It was more about getting shunned (cut off entirely) by all of her family and friends than the Org.
Hope she has a happy life - where ever she is.
I still texted her a few days ago to say "Merry Christmas"
As I said in my first 'hello' post. My story isn't finished yet. So I do understand where you are coming from, but, all I can add to the other replies you have had is. . Heartache. . happiness. . heartache. . tentative happiness. . heartache. . .hopes-up. . devastation. . happiness. . heartbreak.. . Unfortunately this is the never ending roller coaster you are in for if you really love this girl.
I really don't understand how anyone can think "just don't talk about religion" "just ignore it" when it comes to a couple's lives together.
My JW girlfriend kept saying it was not a big deal. I go to my church and you go to yours. "I have several close friends married to Christians" - I think that was a big, early, turning point for me. I know the JW claim to be Christians, for the sake of comfort, but she made a clear differentiation between JW and Christians.
I read. I asked. She kept saying she would work it out she would work it out she would work it out. The fact is that there is no way she and I could ever really be together that wouldn't cause the WATCHTOWER from disfellowshiping her and cutting her off from her family.
I think that there is a very high percentage of WATCHTOWER people that are just trapped. They don't want to be there. They don't believe their bullshit version of a fake bible. But they are terrorized. If they leave the WATCHTOWER will cut them off from all family and friends by terrorizing them.
I wish all that want out - could just leave. Do what they want. Not have their family terrorized to shun them. That is a very very cowardly form of forcing membership.
The WATCHTOWER set up a forced arranged marriage. Neighborhood guy - member of the KH. "Dated" for exactly 3 months - "engaged" for exactly 3 months - "elder" in a KH - routinely beat the crap out her and treated her like property like he was taught. Thankfully she got out of the marriage. Now they will never let her have a family of her own because she wasn't obedient and didn't like getting hit, by an "elder".