Hello and welcome to the board looking, I was impressed with the way you expressed yourself. No need to apologize for "rambling". The flow of thoughts direct from a person's heart should not be demeaned by a label such as "rambling".
Do some of you hold on to parts of your old faith? Or do you let it all go? Where and how do you restart?You can hold onto what ever you want. I would suggest you hang on to everything except those beliefs you have found to be without merit. But then, even the Bible says we should 'make sure of all things'. (See, the Watchtower isn't wrong about everything) You sound like you have done enough research to realize that the certainty of your beliefs and hopes for the future may be on a weak foundation. Surely you do not want to stop your research just to be able to hang on to a few suspect but cherished beliefs. There is a period of disappointment, even grief, that one goes through when something important to us dies. But this grief is healthy. What is not healthy is to hang on to, prop up, something dead just because we fear facing the grief of it's loss. You will survive whatever losses are in your future. If you have not read both of Ray Franz's books, I would recommend them. He has not lost his faith in God our the Bible and is a very content person despite his facing reality. www.commentarypress.com Be careful with how you share what you learn. I hope you take this trip very slowly. Family is very important, as well as friends. One false step and you can loose most if not all of them. It's a tough road but many are on it. You have found support here. Hope to hear from you in the future. Steve