Playing The Hand You Are Dealt

by jst2laws 72 Replies latest jw friends

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  berylblue

  Excellent as always. Thanks.
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  freedom96

  Steve, you make several very valid points. Yes, it sucks what the WTS has done to us, and continues to do so. I am still dealing with their crap and what they have done to my son.

  But we do need to make the most of what we do have, and go forward. Everything is a learning experience, and how we decide to deal with that will determine what happens in the future for us.
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  Gopher

  I agree with the original post!!

  In my case, I exited the Borg at the age of 40. Not only did I have missed opportunities and lost family and friends, but at the same time I developed a walking impairment, brought on by ankylosing spondylitis. So now I am forced to use a walker or a wheelchair, and am shut out of many activities I enjoyed when younger.

  I have come to terms with it and try to concentrate on what I can STILL DO, rather than moaning too much about what I cannot. But it is still damn frustrating.

  My point? If you have good health and the ability to go do things you like, for God's sake take advantage of them before something comes along and takes them away. Cherish each day of your good health (or what you have left of it).

  Life is too short to sit around and moan about what you CANNOT do. Forget that and get on with it, chum!
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  minimus

  You forget why many became Witnesses or stayed JW's. They LIKED not being able to make decisions for THEMSELVES. They LIKE to keep their heads in the sand. They don't want to accept the realities of living and the real life. They don't want to think about ever dying. They'd rather close their eyes and WAIT. If they can just wait it out. Just tough it out for a little while longer....People just DON'T want the TRUTH! When some of these folks finally leave the organization, they are FORCED to confront EVERYTHING. They are no longer able to remain in their so-called protective bubble. So they get confused and angry and they don't know how to cope. So they BLAME everyone else. It MUST be someone else's fault. Until we all realize that you MUST accept the hand that you were dealt and that you CAN'T fold, life will never be happy.......Signed, Happy Minimus
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  Shakita

  Jst2:

  Great post. Isn't it ashame that it takes 50-60 years of living to realize what your post says. But, just when we start getting the wisdom we need to be happy and comfortable with who we are, we die.

  My mother-in-law was a wise and wonderful human being who gave me the same counsel that you did in your post. We all make mistakes in life, big ones and small ones, and the sooner we learn to forgive others, the sooner we can forgive ourselves....and be happy.

  Mrs. Shakita
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  SixofNine

  Nice thoughts Steve. It all seems to come around to a couple of very simple truisms for me, "people are people" and "attitude is everything".

  I do think, however, that putting into practice an attitude of "play the hand you're dealt", is much easier for some than others. A person who thrived within the JW system, is going to have a far different perspective than someone who was crushed by it. Does that make your post any less valid? Not at all, but it does (help) explain why some of us have an almost effortless time moving on, and some of us still feel rage 20 years past their last written review.

  I guess I just mention this for those who were truly crushed, as opposed to merely deeply inconvienienced by the JW system. If I can give you a reason not to look back in anger, dispair or chronic pain, if I can encourage you to "play the hand you were dealt" in spite of that hand being so very wrong for you, it would be this reason: simple pragmatism. You simply cannot change the past. You never will be able to change the past, and sanity dictates that you not even spend too much time wishing you could.

  I know some have argued that "nothing is all bad, so try and find the good in the WT experience". I'm not sure I see it that way. My view would lean towards "nothing is all good, so realize that even if you had never heard song 57 (Jehovah's happy people), your life would still have many negatives in it, and possibly, though not likely, those negatives would be even more deleterious than song 57 and the purveyors thereof". This attitude allows me to keep my view of the WT as all bad, while realizing that my life could have been even worse, thank jah. Gotta keep the hate alive, dontcha know.

  I remember thinking during my divorce, that I would never see a silver lining in it. I thought the same as I exited the WT, that I would never want to see a silver lining in such a horrible religion, as I wanted to keep clearly focused how truly bad the experience was. Fortunately for me, I'm a bit of a reality junky, so when the silver linings began showing, I accepted the reality of them in spite of my earlier pronouncements. My divorce was the best thing for me, and the experience of growing up as a JW, while having nothing to recommend itself, has left me with a perspective on life, religion, love, freedom, and happiness that.... well, let's just say I enjoy and appreciate that perspective.
• 

  xenawarrior

  well, let's just say I enjoy and appreciate that perspective.

  and well, let's just say there are many who enjoy reading that perspective through your words. Brilliant post Sixy. That one hit the printer.

  XW
• 

  shotgun

  Hi Steve

  I'm happy for you that after 6 months you have been able to get on with what's most important (your life).

  Take away this comment and how easy would it have been for you:

  My wife and I were DF'd about six months ago as apostates after our combined 88 years in the organization

  You had your life long partner and friend beside you to help..I envy you for that. From what I've seen on the forum that is not the be all and end all of breaking free and retuning to a happy state but it sure helps the process..tremendously.

  Congrats on freedom of religion and mind to you and your wife
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  hillary_step

  Six,

  Enjoyed your post very much and you are quite right that personality and circumstance play a huge part in how we view the WTS and its effects on our lives.

  For example, unlike yourself I was not raised a JW, and exited the WTS with my marriage intact and with no DF action being taken against us ( as of yet ). Personally I feel so detached from my JW life that I care little whatever happens, though again, I have no family who will shun me. I still have loyal and good friends within the WTS with whom I have been *totally* open with about my stand against the WTS. At present they still mail and telephone to keep in touch. I know what the future *may* bring, but I am not going to allow it to dictate the way I live today.

  The keys to our emotional freedom, or the bars of our prison are manufactured by ourselves alone. Inside ourselves is our own world, our own territory, and we can influence who and what lives there. After spending three decades trying to adjust myself to fit into a WTS suit, I now take the viewpoint, gloriously selfish I admit, that I no longer wish to fit into any other persons suit as I am happy with the wardrobe that I have. If a person does not like my style, well, there are plenty of other stores to shop in. I choose which experiences I want to be affected by and have developed a filter which discards those than are of no use to me and often the bad experiences are the onces I embrace as they teach. Some of the most beautiful flowers grow from manure.

  Best regards - HS

  PS - Just got your message - do you still need help?
• 

  SixofNine

  Some of the most beautiful flowers grow from manure.

  Why do I always get the feeling people are winking at my beautiful daughter when they say that?

  Nice thoughts as always Hillary. Maybe it's all about having the right filtration.

  Hillary, thanks, I went ahead and bought a Carvin DC200 for 250.00 (just came across it in the classifieds). It's probably an '85ish model or so. I had some trepidation, as my daughter has shopped for so long that she was convinced that she *must* have at least and epiphone les paul to be happy. I wasn't sure if she'd quickly take to the idea that this was all that and more, but she seems to have warmed up to it quickly. I walked in on her sitting beside the guitar in it's case this morning, fondly stroking a hand along it's strings, lol. Even though we don't have an amp, she can feel the quality of the action, and how much easier it is to finger compared to her acoustic.

  If you'd like to say something good about Carvins, even if you don't believe it, that would be nice, lol. Btw, something you said a while back got me wondering, will one of your pallbearers be Paul Berrere? lol, sorry, couldn't resist.