My families shunning has gone to a whole new level

by pale.emperor 52 Replies latest jw experiences

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Pale Emperor: I wanted my daughter to know her cousins

    So you care about blood relationships... haven't you learned yet?

    Did you pay attention to what you wrote in your own opening piece??

    The world is full of "cousins". Remember that we have a common ancestor. Why would you limit the cousins of your daughter to just two.

    Are you using your mom as a baby sitter because she is cheaper?

  • LoveUniHateExams

    I'm sorry to hear this, pale.emperor.

    Other posters have been in situations very similar to yours, and I'm sure they can offer you good advice.

  • Diogenesister

    I'm so very sorry. It sounds like your mother is, indeed, a narcissist. Why don't they tell the truth? Why don't they say " My son is no longer going to jehovahs witness meetings so I am shunning , shunning my granddaughter, blocking his phone calls destroying his photos even his baby snaps. He is dead to me" and SEE how much sympathy she gets from non JW 's after THAT. My guess is you will be the one who gets the sympathy.

    No women can loose "privileges" from talking to her faded son, so why do it (shun)? There is no where in the bible it tells her to do such a thing.

  • Tallon

    @ PE

    I, too, am sorry to read about your mom's behaviour toward you. It's just not natural for a mother to act this way toward their son or daughter.

    Plenty of excellent advice has been given. I cannot add anything to it except, and it won't be easy or relieve the pain you're experiencing, that you move forward with your own life, and give your daughter the best life opportunities within your means.

    Best wishes to you.

  • hybridous

    Hi, PE -

    I have been following your story. What you're going through is brutal, and I'm glad you have people to share it with, who can identify with some of what you're experiencing...

    There's some really good advice in this thread. I was really struck by what Scratchme said...

    'It will get real for her when she realizes that you are no longer trying.'

    I found this to be the case in my own life situation. The 'shunning' thing became a contest of endurance and will.

    And even if you win, the 'victories' seem pyrrhic in nature, when considering what the costs are in terms of time and suffering.

    Keep the lines of communication w/ your brother. As has been mentioned, his willingness to break the rules and speak to you is promising.

    If you abide your mothers wishes and stop sending her pictures, she will miss receiving them. Whether-or-not she admits it to herself or any else is immaterial.

    The only way I found to turn this crap into something positive, is that it steeled my resolve to provide my children with a WT-Free childhood. This poison ends here.

    There is a case to be made that what is really best for your daughter, is total separation (or at least as long as WT 'rules' are applied in all their rigidity). Your mom is seeking a comfortable detante of sorts: where she gets to apply the shunning rule but still have access to her granddaughter. You must, at all costs, deny her any comfort - IMO.

    Good luck with whatever you decide. Keep us posted.

  • 3rdgen

    Good points, Hybridous.

  • clarity

    " the last days ... men will be disloyal, having no natural affection....."

    NO NATURAL AFFECTION ......... the GB says "they are still roving about" trying to figure out what natural affection is.

    So PE, don't break your heart over these un-natural people,. Unless they open their eyes and see these horrid rules for what they are, then they and the GB will be ........"always learning and yet never able to come to an accurate knowledge of truth." 2tim 3


  • smiddy

    Well said clarity

  • Xanthippe
    The only way I found to turn this crap into something positive, is that it steeled my resolve to provide my children with a WT-Free childhood. This poison ends here. - Hybridous

    This is exactly what I decided too. My dysfunctional mother joined a cult because she grew up in a dysfunctional family with an alcoholic father. Now my siblings have become dysfunctional to the point they can't leave this crazy cult and they shun me and my daughter.

    Misery in families can go on for generations due to events years ago and long forgotten. I have always said the pain stops here with me, I refuse to pass it on to my daughter. Which means keeping her away from that cult and my crazy shunning family.

    Pale.emperor your mother is very mentally ill in my opinion to wipe you out of her life like that. You are so right wanting to protect your daughter. Your mother will start preaching at her soon, Bible story book, and turning her against you. If she stays strong and rejects the cult she will be shunned too. I know this is hard, I feel your pain.

    I'm glad you've made friends outside of the cult. Your daughter will make her own friends at school. Kids choose their own friends you don't need to worry about that. She'll have a great life with you as her dad.

  • HbgDude

    Wow! They're really playing that victim card hard. Sorry to hear what they are putting you through.

    If it were me, I'd be half tempted to try and get reinstated for the sole purpose of shunning them while you are in. For example, after I get reinstated I'd tell them 'you aren't welcome on my property and stay away from my daughter.'

    But you have to live your life. Life is too short for vengeful crap like that. You have to think big thoughts now, not the small, cultish thoughts of jws.

    Be strong, even when you feel like crying.

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