My families shunning has gone to a whole new level
8 months DF'd. Loving a life of freedom. However, my family are all shunning me. Yeah, that's to be expected. At first i was going to shun them back and stop my 2yo daughter from visiting them etc. But then i also thought that would make me as bad as the witnesses, and probably just give them more ammo to say how cruel i must be to do that to them.
I send pictures of my little girl to my mum on Whatsap just so she can see what she's missing. Every now and then i send a message saying how i hope they're all ok and "love you lots!" all upbeat etc. I noticed though that the last few pics i've sent have been delivered but not read. I thought nothing of it thinking maybe she hasnt been on whatsap for a while.
Anyway, my brother who is studying calls me every now and then. He calls me in secret because he's been warned by the elders that im mentally diseased and "the truth is not in him". But he calls anyway because he's lonely. He tries to reason with me on "the truth" and i counter his arguments with "the truth about the truth" and he's become aware of the flip, flop doctrine but excuses it. He let slip on the phone yesterday that my mum has blocked my number because im being cruel by taunting her with pictures of my daughter, and trying to use it as a handle to make her disobey Jehovah and talk to me. She's also telling non JW's that im dead. She gets a lot of sympathy from them about it. The JW's in her congregation know she means "spiritually dead" and, again, give her a lot of sympathy. Her elders told her that im "causing the family suffering, a clear sign how leaving Jehovah breaks up families". She's also destroyed all photo's of me (including baby photos).
This is beyond what i ever imagined as far as shunning goes. It's upsetting but also makes me more determined to wash my hands of them all. Why should i spare a thought and share love with them when they do this?
"She's also destroyed all photo's of me (including baby photos)."
Wow...so sorry to hear that. As a Mother myself, I could NEVER do that. I don't want to hurt your feelings but that is dark that she can do something so permanent. She will never be able to get those pictures back.
Hang in there PE. So sorry they are doing this to you. Hugs.
Sorry, but blocking you so as not to receive photos of her GRANDCHILDEN is just so f***ed up.
They're the mentally diseased ones.
Sorry things have taken this turn. In my experience with my own family, playing the victim gets them attention. They claim to be victims of your actions when in reality they are making themselves out to be victims by their own self imposed bad behavior.
I decided a long time ago to cut ties with my family due to their bad behavior. Many years later I have relationship with my parents, but not my siblings. The reason: I won't put up with their bad behavior blamed on someone else. The only way I eventually got through to my parents was to cut them off completely, no calls, no texts, no emails. I didn't tell them when I moved even.
By your mother telling everyone you are dead you can see the manipulation of everyone she tells. It's all one big manipulation, don't play into it. Walk away, make new friends.
"I decided a long time ago to cut ties with my family due to their bad behavior."
I have done the same with an abusive family member. You have to let them know that you will not tolerate their behavior and as hard as it is, you need to RUN NOT WALK away from them. I agree also, that many of them love the attention they receive from other congregation members. "Oh poor sister/brother so and so, their child left Jehovah." Some really get off on all the attention. Very sick and disturbing.
May I suggest, that your families attempt to spiritually manipulate you has now failed, they know it's failed, they know you're not coming back, so now they are "playing the victims", and also victim shaming you? May I also suggest that your mother is a Narcissist, and loves the attention and pity party she receives from her "spiritual family?"
Pale, I've been following your story ever since you joined this forum. Your ex-wife, JW family, etc are toxic, absolutely toxic assholes. I would never, EVER let me kids around them unsupervised. That would be my condition of seeing my kids, that it would be supervised by me. They would NOT treat me as a sub-human being as they do you, and still get the "privilege" of seeing my kids. F' them!
The only person even salvageable in your situation is possibly your brother. He is not fully "in" yet it seems, and your planting of seeds and making him think may prove very productive. The fact that he calls you in "secret" even though he knows by JW standards he not supposed to, is very promising.
So your mom blocked your #? Feel free to block hers, along with her email address and any other social media. If she ever decides she wants a relationship with your children AND YOU, well I guess she can come to YOUR house, apologize for her incredibly heartless behaviour, and address you like a human being again.
I'm so sorry to hear that Mom has blocked you...At times I really don't know how to comment on situations like this one...part of me says well, why would you want to stay in touch with someone who only has conditional love, is it worth it...then I remember, we are talking about a person's parent...so it's not so easy to be so cavalier about it. I have a great relationship with my Mom, I'm a witness and she's not....I don't try to change her nor her me. We both believe in God and that we are blessed and we are...then I think, well, sometimes a parent parents the way they were taught, so maybe this conditional love is generational.
I've heard of families being broken up for various reasons, money, drugs, alcohol, etc...some of these situations can really break up a family if taken to the extreme, and yet, sometimes a family can break up for the least little reasons...So witnesses are saying...if you don't worship like me then I won't talk to you anymore...ummmm, is that love?
I know of a similar situation...a friend of mine had to take guardianship for her nephew because her sister decided to be a witness and the son didn't so she basically disowned him....yet she goes to the meetings religiously...& doesn't even care about her own flesh and blood....
When you come to think of it...something has to be deeply wrong with a person who can turn their back on a child or love one...in this instance just because they won't worship the same as they do...
But here's a sobering thought...as time goes on and the mother needs help in her elderly years....let's see who will be there for her..no doubt it will be the one child or grandchildren she blocked...yep, life is funny that way...I know a female, her Mom gave her away at birth to another family member, kept the other children when the mom got sick who was the one that came to the mom's rescue...you got it...The child she gave away...the child she gave away stayed and took care of her mom until she died...did the other KEPT children help...NO...
I'm wondering can a person have a pretty balanced upbringing and be a witness...so far, I don't think so.
from toesup; Some really get off on all the attention. Very sick and disturbing. This comes over loud and clear.
please see pm hugs
P.E. Do you know any of the Non-JW's that your mother has told that you are dead? Might be worth dropping in on them and saying hi. If nothing else, it will highlight just how truly fucked up your mothers behaviour is.
Cutting off contact in NO way makes you as bad as the witnesses! You are being subjected to abusive behaviour and are completely within your rights to take that whole toxic ball of string and throw it away.
Dear Pale Emperor, thx for posting this, and letting all know what it is like in JW world. As many others here have testified, they have experienced the same.
I will put my two cents in here too, and say my mother sounds a lot like yours. As Wing Commander, Toes Up and JustFine have noted, "having a dead child" is a way to get attention, get love, be noticed. That's what my mom is all about.
When my family was "in", she could brag how nice her daughter was, her kids, her elder son-in-law.... but now that we have left?..... her narcissistic self has no use for us, SHE is now better than us... something she craves, yet has never had.... to be 'on top.'
I agree with them all, cut her loose, and live... make her come back to you.
hugs, cha ching