This reminds me of my JW siblings, no matter how bad they act, they are the victim of every one else. They can't see their own self imposed shunning is the source of their own grief. They want to blame the person they are shunning.
My families shunning has gone to a whole new level
PE, I am sorry your family is so screwed up. Best to limit your daughter's contact with them as much as possible. Recognize that your mother is a narcissistic drama queen and a religious extremist. The problem is with HER, not you. Again, I am so sorry.