My families shunning has gone to a whole new level

by pale.emperor 52 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    Thanks for the replies and messages guys. It means a lot. I was coming home from work today and think about all this and suddenly it hit me... since leaving I've made a few friends and I have no idea what their religious beliefs are. They all became friends with me because they like me and we have things in common. And likewise I'm friends with them, not because they share a religion with me, but because of their personal qualities. These "worldly" friends have been better and more genuine friends to me than any JW ever has. Simply because they have no hidden agenda. And if we disagree on something that's ok, we're still friends.

    Im afraid I can only take so much. I must move forward and live for me.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    I am so sorry to hear of this extreme behaviour.

    "By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves." Well the JWs certainly take that scripture literally, they love only those among themselves.

    It it is way extreme to destroy your baby pictures... I mean what if you came back? (Not that you would, but still -- What if??? How could she do such a thing?) That's just total dispensation of existence, another earmark of a cult. So very sorry.

    I have many many sorrows and regrets in my life, and with JW issues, but for my mental health, I've learned I must protect myself and my health including my emotional state. It hurts us to suffer emotionally, but sometimes there's no avoiding it. It sounds like you have your own lovely family who truly loves you and who truly appreciate you. Let them be your focus and joy. Peace.

  • Crazyguy

    Concentrate on your daughter and show her how not normal the JW family a cult is. This and having a normal life is what's important not these clowns.

  • steve2

    Your brother's feedback shows you that all of your behaviours towards your mother, no matter how lovingly motivated, will be filtered through a JW-organization view that you are an apostate. There is no way you can "win". If the feedback hurts you deeply - and why wouldn't it? - you need to decide whether to continue reaching out to your mother and risk being hurt even more.

    While I "get" your loving intentions in sending her pics of your daughter, your mother goes into JW modes and construes your loving overtures as you taunting her and you 'being cruel'. As a loyal JW, what else is she free to conclude? If she thought well of your overtures, she risks spiritual weakening (from her perspective).

    My view is the more you reach out to her, the more your formulate your loving "reasons, the more you feel the need to articulate and explain your motives, the more you are under her control which is essentially JW-organization control and the more you will hurt at the prospect of having your motives demonized by her.

    Time to cut the apron strings?

  • scratchme1010

    He let slip on the phone yesterday that my mum has blocked my number because im being cruel by taunting her with pictures of my daughter, and trying to use it as a handle to make her disobey Jehovah and talk to me. She's also telling non JW's that im dead.

    Your mother is either in a lot of pain or she's a lying, attention seeking bitch. You know her better. Either way, if it's due to pain, you must respect her choice. If she's a lying bitch, you still must respect her choice.

    I walked away from my family, and yes, that's supposed to give them "ammo", but only for so long and so much. As time passes and you are happy, and happier than them, they lose their ammo. Trust me, they do.

    I'd respect her wishes and let her block. It will get real for her when she realizes that you are no longer trying.

  • pale.emperor

    About 6 months ago I really did stop allowing my daughter to visit. This was when she suggested I "drop her off at the front gate and stand at the bottom of the road while I get her" then repeat the charade when I collect her later that day. That was the final straw. I told her I didn't want my daughter to form a bond with someone who might totally disown her in the future if she ever doesn't want to be a JW. My mum was hysterical. Claimed it was Satan using me as a tool.

    A few weeks after that I relented because I wanted my daughter to know her cousins who are the same age. And they're always at my mums place.

  • Gayle

    Can she possibly give any pictures of you growing up to your brother to give to you? If she could get rid of your 'baby' pictures, she's quite far gone. Your daughter will like seeing your pictures some day of when you were younger.

  • Finkelstein

    At first i was going to shun them back and stop my 2yo daughter from visiting them etc

    Unfortunately It really would be in your daughters best interests to not involve her with people in this corrupt maligning cult.

    JWS are controlled by the dictates of this cult and its leaders, there's a strong inducement of fear that controls their social behavior toward others, even to family members as well.

    In a honest way JW shunning is a blessing because you wont be put into a position to deal with their indoctrinated cult thinking and socialized judgement over you.

    There is also a strong indoctrinated socialized doctrine of are you one of us or you one them psychologically imprinted in them that you should be carefully watchful for abuse that might be levied toward yourself, so be aware of that and don't be fooled by forced pretentious smiling.

  • 3rdgen

    PE, I have "walked a mile in your shoes". After my mother was too old to live alone hubby and I moved her in with us and even bought a new house (which put us in a financial bind) in order to better accommodate her needs. One day she got mad that we weren't paying enough attention to her. I found her in her room tearing up family pictures.Thankfully, I caught her before she had a chance to do too much damage. It was a tantrum in order to get attention.

    Not long ago she died. I wasn't notified by the rest home or the mortuary because they had been told by "the people from the church" that she had NO children! A JW aunt (through marriage) left me a vague phone message that she had died a week after the fact.

    I didn't learn TTATT until I was 60 and had wasted most of my life trying to please these toxic relatives and their angry God. You are considerably younger. I promise the intense pain will fade to a dull ache which sometimes fades altogether before it shows up again.

    Please do yourself and your wife and children a favor. AVOID these people and all their drama. You owe them nothing. Your place is with your immediate family. They need to be shielded from the crazy, not exposed to more than they already have.

    I would give anything to know what you know when I was your age. Go, enjoy the rest of your life without the FOG. (Fear, Obligation, Guilt)


    BTW, Hubby and I faded not even Dfed or Daed

    IT's A CULT!!!

  • dubstepped

    Man, I feel for you PE. Your mom is sick, and it's unlikely that she'll get better. This is just my opinion, but I don't think your daughter should be around such a sick person. She might catch it. You can invite the cousins over or find new kids for her to play with. The more entrenched the relationship with your mom becomes, the harder it will be when your daughter has to leave your mom behind. People put so much emphasis on family that they risk toxic environments to try to make things work. I know it's hard, and at the same time easy for me to say, but I'd cut your mom off completely out of love for your little girl.

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