I'm getting baptized

by BlackWolf 150 Replies latest jw friends

  • punkofnice

    Once you get baptised you become property of the corporation that you know is a scam. You can always say that you have thought about it and don't feel quite ready. It's your life, but have a voice in it. Get baptised and you're boned. But then, you knew we'd say this.

  • FadeToBlack
    Tell them that you have thought a lot about this and have decided to wait wait until you are legally recognized as an adult (probably at least 18) before making such an important decision. Are you in the US or EU? If in the EU, please feel free to come and visit us. We have the space and can cover your expenses for a while. My wife is still in but getting more liberal by the day.
  • cofty

    Just tell them you have doubts and you don't think it's right to get baptised until you feel differently.

    Whatever the consequences for not getting baptised will be a fraction of the problems you will face later if you do.

  • Bonsai

    I was in a similar position as you. Get baptized or get kicked out of the house. I wasn't ready financially or socially to be kicked out of the nest, so I got baptized and honestly tried to give my 100% for Jah and the organization. I only succeeded in delaying the inevitable. There comes a point where you know too much and you can't live with living the lie. It all goes up in flames. But first it has to go up in flames before you can rebuild a more stable, solid foundation for your life.

    If I could do it all over again, I would have delayed baptism and and continued to live with my parents while I secretly got my own affairs in order. Then, when I had a few friends and a prospective job I would have moved out. At first, the family would be angry, but since I wouldn't be baptized things would cool down and I could still have a somewhat normal relationship with them. Getting baptized is the first step to losing your entire indoctrinated JW family!

  • talesin

    BW, I was in a similar position. At 14, my parents took me out of school (high school, not enough control for them!), and shortly after, I was dunked. I was completely isolated and at their mercy.

    Do what you need to do, love your horses, draw strength from your relationship with them (they are real, living and breathing, and have true emotions). from the joy of riding, and they will sense how you feel. You only have 2 years to go, if you have to, get baptized, worry about it later. It sounds like they will shun you when you leave the religion, whether you are baptized or not. Much love to you. xx tal

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    I know this is hard for you, so hard and so unfair. You are being pressured into a situation/relationship that is supposed to be BETWEEN YOU AND JEHOVAH.

    When our daughter was younger, she was being pressured by people in the congregation to be baptized. She was around 13-14 years old! And even though I was a zealous, totally indoctrinated dubbie, I did not like the pressure others put on her, it was none of their business!

    She actually thanked me years later for not pressuring her, because she and I both knew she was not ready.

    Baptism is the trigger that pulls the shun-gun. I will repeat: BAPTISM IS THE TRIGGER THAT PULLS THE SHUN-GUN...!!!


    And if you think the pressure is bad now, just wait till you are baptized!!!

    Then you will have to live up to EXPECTATIONS and FULFILLMENT OF YOUR VOW/S TO JEHOVAH. Field service! Commenting at meetings! Demos, school assignments! Bible study! Setting an example! 

    Your "spiritual" parents will continue to coerce you and pressure you, It is the way of this religious cult. Do more! Do more! Can't you do more?? Why aren't you doing more?? You are baptized now! Remember your dedication to Jehovah!

    The pressure is relentless! On and on it will go.

    Your baptism will become a "bludgeon" with which to beat you! (figuratively speaking.)

    I know you feel feel trapped.... I know this is hard.... But you have the "example of Jesus" and you can say that you want to be a footstep follower of Jesus, and that he waited until he was ready (30 years old!!) and you are feeling more pressured than ready.

    Let your parents know that you love them, you don't mean to let them down, but a decision this important should happen because you love Jehovah and want to serve him. And if they say, "but don't you love Jehovah already and want to serve him?"

    You can say, "You have taught me a lot about Jehovah and that the best way of life is to serve him.  I want to make the best decisions regarding my relationship with Jehovah, and I just don't feel ready. It scares me. I don't want to disappoint you, but I want to make a mature decision about this. HONESTLY, RIGHT NOW I DON'T FEEL READY." (Repeat, repeat, repeat.....)

    If they start going on about how baptism is a "protection" you can say that you believed it was about making a personal dedication to Jehovah, and having a relationship with him... and you really want to wait .... And scripturally, we have a model to follow closely.... and surely there isn't anything wrong with following Jesus' example? He wanted to be sure he did not bring reproach upon Jehovah. Say that you have given this much thought, and you need your parents to appreciate that this is YOUR decision.... and say that you *DON'T KNOW WHY* but in your gut/heart, you just don't feel ready.


    This is not easy... We are here to support and help you, and we do know how difficult this is for you.

    No one should be pressured this way to be a member of a religion that will take everything away from you if you decide to leave!!

  • FayeDunaway

    I do understand how alone you feel. And you've already made your parents thrilled with you for saying yes, saving your father's face as an elder. You have two choices. Both are hard. I hate that religion for making these the only choices for amazing young people like yourself.

    1. Get baptized. Further succomb to all sorts of pressure to live up to your baptism. Service hours, pioneering, seeking a worthy spiritual person to marry. If you meet someone not a witness who you start falling in love with, forget it. Until you can move far away, slack off, and slowly break your parents pride and hearts. You may never be free, if you move somewhere where someone knows someone from your area. The witness world is a small one. You will always be worried.

    2. Tell your parents you are so sorry, but you wanted to make them happy and say yes you would get baptized this summer, but the truth is you are NOTready. I really like DOC's suggestions (except the getting drunk one :)) about telling your parents your 'doubts.' Heck yes they will be disappointed, but why let this religion control your whole life, forever? Share your doubts head on, without implicating or admitting any apostate sources. Make them have to answer the tough questions.

    I think you must be referring to an incident where you got in trouble and it caused a big ruckus and confrontation and it left s very bad taste in your mouth and unwillingness to cause any trouble. But you can speak to them not as a child but as a student, no shouting involved maybe. And if your father does lose it, ask him if that is what he thinks is correct..shouting, coercing a baptism into someone. Through everything be sympathetic to their viewpoint and their own experience. But it is NOT too late.

  • KiddingMe

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm not sure how the WT study went in your congregation but in ours, there were more than a few elders and older ones stressing that baptism is a personal decision and should not be done for anyone else but yourself. Not because of peer pressure from parents, siblings or other jw youths.

    Can you change what you said to your parents a little and tell them something like, you been thinking about the WT article and that you take this seriously and want to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons? Maybe admit that you said yes to their question about baptism because you really care about how they view you and that shouldn't be the only reason. Maybe say you do eventually want to get baptized but feel you need to make sure your making a mature decision on your own. Or say something similar to buy yourself more time.

    The article surprisingly gave some flexibility in deciding to get baptized, as well as preparing to get baptized. All of this takes time. It moreso emphasized and stressed that it is the youth's decision. I understand that parents might use this to pressure their children.

    My children were also being pressured to baptized and I told them the same. That it is their personal decision that they would have to live with so they should not do it because of pressure from other family.

    I think it may help if you do not say for certain that you dont want to get baptized, just not right this moment...and keep pushing it off without saying you dont plan doing it. Express that you love Jah and that you just need time to figure things out before taking that major step. Try not to give too many details but just enough to make the point.

  • goingthruthemotions
  • AmIright
    ok go with the reason the choose to baptise people later in age, say you want to be 20-30 when your baptised to keep with the scriptures.... hopefully saves you a few years to establish "worldy friends" :) If your family chooses religion over you then they are not worthy of eithers love :)

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