I went through what you are going through right now several years ago. I also said my goodbyes under a different forum name and earnestly wanted to be a practicing JW (I had faded for about 6 years at that point).
Over the years however, I would lurk back here due to some of the stuff emanating from Watchtower and eventually came back to this site.
Well.....when you bottle things up for so long, you just have to vent. You cannot open up your heart about your deepest thoughts to other JWs Because of the fear and guilt complex we experience. So to offload, you come here and speak your mind.
Note: I have a strong belief in God, but my views on scripture differ from Watchtower. I only attend the meetings now and again for purely social reasons because of family and friends.
Best of luck to you as do understand where you are coming from though.