Hang in there, honey!
My Mother just lives a few houses away from me. Hubby and I went away for a the weekend recently and she and my stepfather were exhausted and ecstatic (to see us) after spending two days with my kids 11 and 6. Both are high maintenance and picky. The one thing that does make them tolerable is that they are so loving and affectionate.
You know it's bad when you own Mother marvels are your patience.
The food thing? Tons of great suggestions. If he resorts to spitting, etc., immediately remove him from the table and mealtime is over. Toddlers will not allow themselves to starve. McDonalds is a great idea, too. When my daughter was a toddler she ate two foods, ONLY. Chicken nuggets and spaghetti and that was it, period. No mac and cheese and no noodles. But, I understand lots of kids like those. Cheerios is good too.
I don't have any suggestions of sleep. That was the ONE area I was blessed. My daughter sleep through the night the day I brought her home from the hospital. And my son only woke up once for a feeding and then immediately went back to sleep. He slept all night after a few months. I guess I had to be lucky somewhere.
It also has not been my experience that girls are easier than boys. Both of kids have the capacity to be monumental pains in the butt.
LOL @ 6of9. Now THAT was funny.