I lied to the elders

by atacrossroads 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • FayeDunaway
    Also just remember you do not have to feel guilty about any of this. It is NOT your fault. Your parents brought you up in a cult and as an intelligent human being you had to live your own life and leave. Don't feel guilty about anything. It's tragic and heartbreaking and so frustrating, but it isn't your fault.
  • Vidiot

    Damn, Robo Bobo beat me to it.

  • respectful_observer
    Personally I converted from CofE, my parents were disappointed because they thought (rightly) that jws were a cult, but they continued to support me and my jw husband emotionally for over 20 years. My husband converted from Catholicism, again his family were confused, disappointed, but they continue to love, support and communicate with him to this day.

    My parents were ranting one day about not speaking to someone who they consider apostate (this person is, but was smart enough to fade years ago). I reminded them both that, by definition, they were apostates from Catholicism, having written formal letters of disassociation. I then asked them how they would feel if both of their families had completely cut them off, refusing to even speak with them. It was comical to see them make excuse after excuse that "it was different because we have 'the Truth'".

  • JWdaughter

    I just read the OP and it was reiterated to me that we all belonged to an organization that ENCOURAGED gossip and tattletelling. Seriously, these are all adults who think they need to come to you with repeated gossip from others. Even if it is true, it is really not your mom's business to tattle and not theirs to repeat gossip-which is all that 2nd hand tales is.

    The religion is whacked in that they think they have a right and and OBLIGATION to do these things to others. It's STUPID.

  • stuckinarut2

    Sorry to weigh in late with this topic...I must have missed it earlier..

    How have things unfolded?

    Remember, the ONLY power they have over us is that which we allow.

    Its a disturbing journey to find out facts about the "truth", but it is also liberating and refreshing.

  • atacrossroads

    Nothing has happened to me. The elders no longer try and contact me. My parents have disowned me. They did not even invite me to the memorial not that I care. I'm pregnant and I am really started to show now. Because our parents have been acting like fanatics we have chosen not to share the news with them. So I imagine when they find out they might talk to me again.

    So my husband was getting a lot of pressure from his family to attend the memorial. I think he was almost talked himself into going. I did not try and talk him out of it. He was really stressing out over it and I shit you not he was drinking. He hardly ever drinks. He got himself nice and buzzed and then he called his parents and said they could pick him up for the memorial. Then he had a WTF moment and said I have to get myself drunk to attend the kingdom hall and then changed his mind and called his dad and said he could not go. Now he feels really bad that he got his parents hopes up and then disappointed them so badly. They blame me for him now going. The elders still call and text him. I'm no longer worth saving but they feel he is.

  • Daniel1555

    You did well as others said.

    I just want to mention that maybe the relationship to your parents is not lost. I am df for apostasy and have a normal and loving relationship to them. Maybe this is an exception, as my parents never liked the shunning of family members. But let me give you an idea what I would do in your case.

    Talk to your dad or / and your mum in a gentle and calm way. Maybe apologise that you might have come across as rough.

    Then tell them that you fully respect their religious feelings, but that you also like them to respect yours.

    The best way to still continue a relationship with them if YOU AGREE THAT YOU DISAGREE and NOT TALK ABOUT RELIGION ANYMORE or just not critizizing each others religious views.

    This can only work though if your parents are tolerant and liberal as mine are.

    Anyway I wish you good luck. How nice that your husband is on your side.

  • Finkelstein

    Sad and unfortunate story Atacrossroads.

    Shame that this cult destroys relationships like it does. so much corruption, so much lies, so much fear, so much anguish, so much superstition, so much ignorance.

  • Diogenesister

    I'm so, so glad you are expecting. This is going to be the happiest time of your life..enjoy!!!One door shuts and another opens! Your little one will never know cult indoctrination, or the misery of being a JW kid. I do hope your parents have a relationship with little one . Don't let the dubs come between you and your husband, whatever you do...and get rid of that Advance directive ( blood!!) Thank goodness you will have a safer birth now!

    You sound a little bit down...are you OK? Have you thought about seeing a counselor... Its a hell of a lot of stress to go through when you are pregnant. Take care of yourself.

  • Vidiot

    atacrossroads - "I lied to the elders..."


    They're lying to you.

    (Although some of 'em might not know it.)

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