I lied to the elders

by atacrossroads 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • atacrossroads

    I stopped attending meetings all together in January 2015. Before that my attendance was irregular at best. My husband followed suit a few months ago after months of research, agony, and indecision on his part. From the very beginning I laid low and did not share with anyone what I found out about the witnesses because I did not want to be DF'd. I did the whole I am on a break and then told my family I had no plans to return. I eventually discussed my beliefs with my husband and he did not turn me into the elders. My parents I took the tactic of not discussing JW related stuff at all. It did not work so well and it got the point we barely speak.

    I think I have forever altered our relationship and I am not so sure there is any going back now. I was out shopping and ran into my mom. She approached me and told me how much everyone misses me. I told her I still live in the same house I have not moved. I said I don't like to be harassed about going back to meetings but I would love to still have a relationship with my friends and family. Using the word harassed really got her upset. She blasted me good and told me what a selfish person I was and that because of decisions I made now my own husband is not attending meetings and now has a worse attitude than I do. She said she did not raise me to be stupid and I was mentally diseased like my cousin. I have experienced this coldness from my mom a couple of times before and it always caused me to retreat but not this time.

    I told her to pull her head out of the clouds and I flat out told her she was in a cult. I said her religion could not stop predicting the end of the world and they protected child abusers. I went off about their history right there in the middle of the store and made a few comments about her beloved FDS. I ended the conversation with yes mom I AM AN APOSTATE! I walked away and I knew I was officially going to be df'd. I finally admitted it to her.

    The very next day I had 2 elders at my door. I was done and planned to admit to everything I told my mom the previous day and would gladly take my dfing. I no longer cared. When I saw them standing outside my door all this anger came to me. What right do they have to come to my door. Why can't my mom even show a shred of loyalty to me? I know the answer to that but that is what is going through my mind. I was just pissed. So these "well meaning" elders asked me to confirm what I had said to my mom and asked me point blank if I was an apostate. No hello or kiss my ass. All they wanted was a confirmation and by the look in their eyes they were eager for it. I was just looking at them and I thought of this board and my cousin about being told elders have NO authority over you. I told them I had no idea what they were talking about and I asked them to leave. So they were like you never told your mom you are an apostate. The look of shock on their face was priceless. I denied denied denied. They attempted to grill me but I was not having it. I told them to leave and not to come back. You know what one of those assholes told me. He said that he would be talking to my husband about the events that had transpired in the last 24 hours. I was like you go ahead and talk to him.

    So basically I called my mom a liar to the elders by denying the conversation ever took place. I was on a high for a couple of days but what comes up must come down. I feel so bad now. I got an email from my dad telling me his heart was completely broken. I have not heard a word from my mom. She has not sent me 1 ranting email or text.

    I don't think the elders are quite done with me but with no one to back up what I told my mom I don't see what they can do. My husband will not return the elders calls. lol I mean really what do they expect him to do. According to my mom his attitude is worse than mine. He told me to let it ride and we had better things to concentrate on and leave the JW bs being us. To me its not that easy. I don't want to drag things out or play some kind of catch me if you can game. I don't know. I had a golden opportunity to be dfd but did not take it. I hope they do not come back.

  • LongHairGal


    I like what you did in the store with your mom, even though you didn't plan it this way.

    You had a lot of anger built up in you - and after what she said you let her have it....People around must have been wondering what cult you were talking about but some might have guessed.

    As far as the religious "cops" having the NERVE to show up at your door demanding an explanation: I would have been white hot with anger at the audacity of them overstepping their boundaries and IMAGINING they have authority on my property!!!

    They act as if they were the superior authorities and this presumptuous mentality cannot be tolerated.

    I'd tell them to get the F--- outta here or the police are going to be called and to never show their faces at my doorstep again!

  • steve2

    Good on you for standing up to your mother and then the elders. Why play their game? They did not call on you to see if they could support and better understand you in order to help you. They called on you for evidence with which to have you disfellowshipped.

    I'm sorry to have to say this, but your mother showed what she really thought about you, her daughter. You're right: Where is her loyalty to her own daughter? As dificult as it may have been for her, she could have shown real "Christian" love by trying her best to listen to and understand you. But no: She was like the elders she later reported to: Ready to pounce.

    And so it is: You are leaving an organization that prides itself on "being right" above all else. Love, if it is present at all, is way, way down the list.

    So much for the Scripture stating, "By this all will know you are my followers, by the love you have among yourselves"

    Some love, huh?!

  • Clambake

    Don't feel guilty about lying to elders. The entire religion is based in that incredibly dishonest 1914 calculation and how the name jehovah is removed from the bible.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    ''Don't feel guilty about lying to elders.''

    Everything there is based on just that, ''lying''.

  • LisaRose

    According to their own teachings it is not a lie if those inquiring are not entitled to the truth, so there you go.

    It probably was never going to turn out any different with your mother's attitude. She just wouldn't leave it alone, and there is only so much a person can take, so don't feel bad.

    You don't owe those elders the time of day.

  • goingthruthemotions
    Bravo, i wish my brain washed wife would wake up!
  • zeb

    Please don't be hard on yourself. Not lying is one of the central pillars of all decent societies. But what does the wts itself say. "Theocratic warfare" allows for lying and deceit as the world witnessed at the Australian Royal Commission. Two wrongs dont make a right I know but at times we are crushed and we do things we later have a hearts regret about. Frankly they didn't deserve any better.

    Paying out on your mother in the shop showed enormous courage and temper. I too have said the same to the "we miss you.." well I live in the same house as I have for years.

    Please see your doctor and ask for their recommendation to a counsellor one who is experienced in cults and know this you have my love extended out across the light waves and computer miles. pm me anytime.


    ps yes gtm. Yes the same. Mine recently complained I never take her anywhere. Well she is out more than she is home!

  • zeb

    repeated posting


    We are sharing accommodation in our home so it is absolute hell being in the face of family that have shunned us [we are not "officially" Df'ed / DA'ed] - all the time and passing each other in the passageway and not speaking etc-

    We have discovered they have snooped on our computers looking for "evidence" and of course as I am the BiL it has become convenient for them to accuse me of being the perp. of my wife's downfall from the JW - even though my beloved is "further out" than I am -

    So I identify strongly with you atacrossroads

    Nevertheless the emotions at play will wreak havoc on your psyche' -

    You may find the info at these links helpful:


    And especially this link on preparing for a JC :


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