A Little Direction Please

by Brian J 59 Replies latest social relationships

  • steve2


    I just re-read your post from about 1 year ago on things to consider when thinking of how to leave JW organization.

    A valuable guide that looks st the question from several angles - ideal for anyone in that sort of situation.

    Worth book-marking. 👏👏👏👏👏

  • DesirousOfChange

    Brian -- don't remember to clear/erase your viewing history. Many folks have been "caught" investigating their doubts by failing to do that. (We both know that a JW CANNOT research their beliefs outside of WT Library.)

  • Bugbear


    Thanks for your post. Your situation is very similar to mine. Only that I faded 15 years ago. I left my books and papers 20 years ago, saying that my health and the pressure being a father of 6 children and having a full time job… made all extras not possible. 20 years later I find myself in a much better position.

    As I remember in my congs. there was a number of elders, who was suffering from the same “problem” …. None of them is “within” today. Most of them “went on pills” suffered from severe depression…

    I managed to stay outside during a long long period, trying to be nice to all the “friends”.. Not obviously being an apostate…. And the result is that all my children today are on my side. None of them are a JW,s. And to quote another poster

    Despite everything, I have never been happier (or in better health!) and our life has never been better. My wife is still active with the local cong. but we have come to an understanding about where we each are and are able to accept each other as we are. I truly hope that you are eventually able to accomplish this. Please let us know how it goes.

  • Onager

    I've got a horrible sinking feeling that Brian has been overwhelmed by guilt at posting on an "apostate" forum and has no idea of the caring and supportive posts that are here for him. :(

  • DesirousOfChange

    I've got a horrible sinking feeling that Brian has been overwhelmed by guilt at posting on an "apostate" forum and has no idea of the caring and supportive posts that are here for him.

    Or,................he got caught by a snoopy family member. At this point, they'll wish he was sneaking a look at porn. Or, even gay porn. At this point, ANYTHING would be better than APOSTATES!

  • Brian J
    Brian J

    I've have checked in every couple days and only focused on my In-Box, totally overlooking this thread with all these responses. Overwhelmed in a good way and I am truly appreciative.

    Overall my plan is to step down soon but Black Sheeps idea about being the 'last one out' sounds like an interesting approach as well. I agree with much of the advice: Take it slow. Use family worship to introduce careful questions and will let each do research. Don't bash my wife and children's faith.

    Not to over complicate but I have struggled with the idea that I may be just replacing one form of mind control, the JW kind, with my own version of mind control.

    More to come.


  • Brian J
    Brian J

    OK, more thoughts.....

    I had a circuit part last weekend. Standing there looking out over 1500ish. I was sick to my stomach and Im never nervous on stage. I felt sick in part because I was looking into peoples eyes, and had the ah ha moment right there that the vast majority truly did not WANT to be there. Or possibly i suck as a speaker and they were tuning out? I swear, the outline words are coming out of my mouth as approved by the CO during rehersal, and the other side of my head was having its own separate and clear back and forth conversation to the effect of: "look at all these zombies. screw these people. im done. i could be fishing. ah wait fishing with my kids. my kids, family. im up here because i simply cant loose my family. i refuse to tear them apart just because i think this is all BS......" next thing I knew im barfing out a heightened, move to action conclusion, applause. Then, i sit behind the stage and have a mini nervous breakdown.

    I simply DO NOT want my kids to be in my emotional/spiritual shoes 30 years from now. They deserve the paradise that is freedom from thought control and daily doses of organized religion guilt that slowly chips away at a person. I want them, wife, ME! to be able to be real and authentic. To appreciate each other as individuals and be surrounded by family who doesn't use JW expectations as a self worth measuring stick.

    Holy crap I'm ranting aren't I?


  • Londo111

    It was an interesting read.

    I can't imagine being in that spot.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    @Brian J, I don't know you (don't know any Brian's) but I am so happy you woke up! I've been on here for over 5 years waiting to see/hear/read that some of my former friends have woken up from The Lies too!

    Wishing you and your loved ones a long, happy and fulfilling life, doing what you want to do!

  • notjustyet

    Teach critical thinking skills using other topics such as buying a house, a car and any other "important decisions" in life.

    Maybe then watch some of the Leah Remini show from last season and this one also. If you do this with her and they say something that parallels the WTBTS method of controlling members watch her body language to see if she responds to anything. Had a relative about 10 years old say "Wow,.. the Sea Org is like Bethel"

    Its a very slow process as you have to make sure you don't set off a trip wire driving them back in deeper. Know when to back off and arguing isn't the way to get a person out of a cult,.. aka High Control Group. Use the Socratic method by asking questions that she will have to answer, if not out loud, to her self.

    Welcome,.. embrace the word Apostate as its not what you think it is as the WTBTS wanted us to understand it. Its meaning is "changing ones belief" or something like that. Jesus would have been an apostate to the Jewish system.

    I tried to argue with my wife initially and could see I was doing more damage than good so spent the money and had a telephone interview with Steven Hassan to figure out the correct way to help a person out. Money well spent as my family of 4 are out now.

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