A Little Direction Please

by Brian J 56 Replies latest social relationships

  • Brian J
    Brian J

    I'm an active elder, COBE, just got home from the meeting where I handled the Treasures part and concluded by announcing a friend of mine has been D/F,.....blah blah blah...and over the last year have woken up.

    I simply cannot spill my guts to my wife and children as it would be family suicide. I have zero desire to bash, spread my feelings, or become an "apostate". How can I get my wife to get to the place I am? My children will certainly follow if mom and dad are in unison with fading away. Is there any resources that you folks know of or advice you may have in systematically getting my mate to wake up?

    Grateful for some help here. Thank you.

    Brian


  • Crazyguy
    Crazyguy

    Go read of other ones experiences here on this site and what they did. Many think Seve Hassan has some good advise. But many are in your situation especially with woman it’s very hard to wake a mate up. You in your postition may have better hope because you have a title in the organization and are looked at as someone that’s credible.

    First thing todo is put together a strategy and go very slow, most make the mistake of not going slow and saying to much to fast scaring their family away. One brother wrote how he would kinda poke holes in the organization during family study. Showing problems with what they teach and what the Bible really says as well as showing their past writtings. Whatever you do try and keep your emotions out of the game. Emotions tend to betray us.

    It may also be important to see if there’s away to assess your wife’s feelings and beliefs. Sometimes the mate is also mentally out but because your and elder she’ll just go along .

  • doubtfull1799
    doubtfull1799

    Sorry to hear of your situation - I have sent you a personal message.

  • doubtfull1799
    doubtfull1799

    By the way it's probably stating the obvious, but by posting here you have already become an "apostate" in the mind of the organisation..... so though you state the desire not to become one, I think you may have already crossed that line!

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    The first thing I would say is go slow. We always joked about a new convert who would have such enthusiasm about learning the The Troof and ran to all their friends and family blurting out everything they had learned and attempting to convert and baptize them all in one day.

    The same principle applies when you learn TTATT. You have no doubt spent weeks or months or even years awakening and you must realize that it is a gradual process. Perhaps you can consider what issues it was that helped you to awaken. Would your wife share your concern for these same issues?

    When I was first struggling with my doubts and was questioning The Troof I shared some of my thoughts with my wife with sincere questions. I was really wanting answers. Awakening was a very painful experience for me. It was all I had ever known since childhood. I believed it ALL — Hook, line, and sinker. And, I had an accumulation of doubts that I had been compartmentalizing (aka “Waiting on Jehovah”) but when the first domino fell, you know what followed.

    By simply asking questions, you force her to try and find an acceptable answer. And of course, as we all have discovered, not only are there those questions that cannot be answered, but there are those questions that cannot even be asked.

    Baby steps.

    Good luck!

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    Only you can know how far to go. I will tell you that I needed out for my own mental health and my wife did not receive it well. She is still in more than a decade after I left, but I am so glad I left.

    If I had kids, I would not have faded away, but would have offered a way for them to have a more normal upbringing by disassociating.

    Regardless of your decision on how to go about this, you may want to shake loose of those elder duties.

  • joe134cd
    joe134cd

    Doubtfull1799 = I think by the time someone has taken the time and effort to post on here. They have already made their minds up.

  • VW.org
    VW.org

    The advice given so far about going slow and not making waves. Feigning depression and illness to remove your self from a position of authority.

    Here is a link to help get your wife out.

    https://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/helping-someone-leave.php

  • moreconfusedthanever
    moreconfusedthanever

    I recently read an experience of someone in your position. He moved ever so slowly and used the family study arrangement to encourage his family to research topics and discuss what they found with no judgement on opinions. A safe space to research and discuss everything thereby allowing the entire family to use their own critical thinking abilities to come to the same place he already was. It was very effective.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Your best chance to extract your family is while they see you as strong in the faith and you haven't donned an Apostate hat, so ask questions, but don't provide answers and personal opinions, letting them do the research to find the answers.

    Take your time and be prepared to be the last one out.

    Softly, softly, catchee monkey.

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