A Little Direction Please

by Brian J 59 Replies latest social relationships

  • steve2

    Lots of advice given - from hard experience. But back to you Brian:

    what “worked” for you in waking you up?

    what would “work” for your wife?

    There is absolutely no urgency - which will help you curb that automatic need to “get everything sorted” and inadvertently perhaps make things even harder for you, your wife and your sons.

    Take your time. Unlike JW organization, time is literally on your side.

    Once you see the FOG (= Fear, Obligation and Guilt fostered by the organization), your thinking processes will calm down and become clear.

    Best! Steve2.

  • carla

    Just a thought from a non jw, never been, never will ubm- just because you tell the truth about something doesn't mean you are 'bashing' them. Though it will sound like it to a jw, that in itself should tell you something. If they had any sort of truth they wouldn't mind scrutiny.

    Best of luck and my only tip is to never use the word 'cult' with your jw's.

  • stuckinarut2

    Well put steve2!

    Hello Brian J....please pop back and share your thoughts.

    We are all here to help.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Welcome. How are your children?

  • Ruby456
    Lots of resources available at futureLearn. Be careful that u don,t fall into or give into an unfruitful cycle of anxiety and depression. Things that can help in your situation and that u can enjoy with your family are music, exercise, food and connections to other people - all these trigger inbuilt reward systems that we all possess provided that the feelings that you develop from them are positive.
  • Ruby456

    as to waking up your wife - remember that all of your mental and social capital has been invested in the organisation. So if you think of your situation in terms of a banking system or economic model then if you deplete those resources before you build your capital in another account then in terms of mental capital your whole family could suffer consequences. In fact if you fall into depression then you will be in a less favourable position to help your family and yourself.

    Another use for this to work is to think of what the organisation is jealously guarding - it is these sorts of economic things as social capital and mental capital rather than a particular belief system (although the belief system does contribute to it). So the waking up part of it isn't as important as the other components - the emotional involvement with brothers and sisters , the community spirit and the togetherness.lots of my ideas are from this very valuable course so don't listen to me just do the course - it is free although you can upgrade if you want to keep it


  • jookbeard

    it is a difficult situation Brian you find yourself in and full credit to you for waking up, that in itself is very brave, every situation and circumstance is different, all the best in the choices you take, I wont give you the advice in the actions I took as it ended my marriage, yes I would have handled things differently but that is just me.

  • dozy

    A lot depends on how "strong spiritually" your wife is.

    In my experience , most 2nd / 3rd gen JWs don't really have much JW belief roots - its really all much more of a social / family / all they have ever known thing. This is probably even more true of women than men , because of the very low status they have in the organisation. Given a major shift in circumstances ( such as their husband leaving etc ) then the whole house of cards often just collapses in time.

    I left and over a few months , my wife just gradually lost interest - meeting attendance became more and more sporadic , she stopped going out on the ministry and then eventually she had one of the petty tiffs common in the Org with another sister & it was the final straw and she just stopped attending.

    That's probably the most likely scenario. I wouldn't go all out "crazy apostate" as that might backfire.

  • LisaRose

    I put together some information on how to help others break free, based on what others have posted here and some research I did.


    Hope this helps.

  • LoveUniHateExams

    Hi Brian, welcome to the forum.

    I would say don't rush things. Take your time making up your mind and take your time putting your plan into action.

    I agree with what OnTheWayOut said - try thinking about stepping down as an elder if you haven't already thought about this.

    You could hopefully fairly easily say you are stressed or have no time for elder duties due to other concerns/family matters/etc.

    And it's also good advice to read other people's life stories.

    Good luck and please pop back here and let us know how you're getting on,


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