Lots of advice given - from hard experience. But back to you Brian:
what “worked” for you in waking you up?
what would “work” for your wife?
There is absolutely no urgency - which will help you curb that automatic need to “get everything sorted” and inadvertently perhaps make things even harder for you, your wife and your sons.
Take your time. Unlike JW organization, time is literally on your side.
Once you see the FOG (= Fear, Obligation and Guilt fostered by the organization), your thinking processes will calm down and become clear.