A Little Direction Please

by Brian J 59 Replies latest social relationships

  • smiddy3

    As everybody says here slow and steady is the key.And asking questions but not giving your answers is a good point.

    Quote C.T Russell when he said they would never beg for money,contrast it with appeals for money in the congregation and at Assembly and Conventions ,how is it there always in the red.with a deficit ,even when they own the buildings, and show the real Estate sales made in Brooklyn these past couple of years of Millions of $$$$.

    The latest one just a couple of days ago of approx.$200 million The Tower Hotel complex.

    Don`t hit her with all of this in one go of course but piece by piece over time.

    By the way welcome to the forum Brian J we look forward to what progress you might make with your wife and family.

    Take care

  • Finkelstein

    The Watchtower Corporation is a commercial scam. its also a ridge highly controlling religion over its adherents.

    It designed a tainted Gospel to aid in the continuing proliferation of its published literature, but scripturaly made itself a defining false prophet

  • HereIgo

    Hey Brian,

    This is a tough situation. My advice would be not to come across to your wife as critical of the organization as it may cause her to become immediately defensive. I would suggest pointing out the many failures of the organization disguised as questions to make her think. (generation change, blood doctrine flip flop, false prophecies of Armageddon, etc. I would also show her the YouTube video regarding the ARC and watch Geoffrey Jackson make a fool of himself and deny his faith. Hopefully these things would hit a nerve. Take care.

  • pale.emperor

    I would drop little comments while we were doing the dishes or something. Like:

    "Have you noticed, it's impossible to leave this religion with your reputation in tact?"

    "If it came down to it, i dont think unbaptized children should have to refuse blood. They're not witnesses."

    It doesn't have to lead to a full blown discussion. It's something that your wife will no doubt think about throughout the day.

    I'd also encourage her to make friends with non JW neighbors... slowly, slowly.

    My wife and i are now separated but that's another story. She's secretly awake now but cant leave due to her living with her elder dad and family.

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Brian I first admit that I failed when I was in your position but that does mean that I have had the chance to analyse what went wrong. In my case without criticising the org, just by stopping going to the meetings and saying that I didn't believe it anymore was enough for my wife to brand me as a devil.

    In retrospect I can see that the effect on my wife was taken to be an attack on her sense of security. It undermined her status as wife and mother and at the same time it challenged her emotional dependance on her Watchtower delusion and the social circle within the congregation.

    To suddenly stop being a JW is a shocking and powerful event for the believing spouse. In my case my wife went in the direction of becoming a super zealous JW blindly ignoring all other considerations. This had serious repercussions on the whole family and especially on my young children.

    In other words; don't do what I did! I suggest you remember that your wife wants security and consideration and not have the rug pulled from under her feet. So the advice already given to take it very slowly is a must.

    I guess that your wife needs the experience of being given a new vision of an honest and good life without dependence on flimsy promises of paradise before she is exposed to the faults of the JW mind-set. Criticism of the religion only arouses entrenchment.

    As you loosen the ties with JWdom you can increase your time with your wife and family instead.

    All the best to you as you embark on your new direction in life, remember we are with you and do keep posting!

  • freddo

    Brian J. - Welcome.

    Now Stop! Learn from the paths of others on this forum. I have been a well known busy "fool" aka circuit speaker/elder.

    You are at a point where I was a few years back. If you have just announced your friend as DF'd you will be in a maelstrom of emotion and at a point you will make irreversible mistakes if you do not stop and do nothing except personal research for the next couple of weeks or longer. Not one word to anyone - especially your wife who may bolt and run/turn you in/meltdown etc. - except on here.

    Work out a strategy. Be prepared to use a reverse "Theocratic War Strategy" from day one (like Rahab hiding the spies from those intending harm - and just like the WT does when hiding their disgusting involvement in child abuse cover up when it suits their pockets) and immediately.

    As soon as "they" realise there is "something up with Brian" they will turn on you like wolves doing the pack's bidding to preserve themselves and their precious "organisation".

    Then after thinking things through you can start your plan to help your wife and progress your resignation/"illness"/fade/inactivity/DA/move away or whatever. It may take months or years (or never) to get where you want to be.

    Good luck!

  • punkofnice
    Brian J -I simply cannot spill my guts to my wife and children as it would be family suicide.

    Yes. That's the mistake I made.

    I have zero desire to bash, spread my feelings, or become an "apostate". How can I get my wife to get to the place I am?

    Don't get hung up about the term 'apostate'. You probably already know that it's watchtower loading the language to label those that disagree. In the real world, Jesus was 'apostate' from Judaism as was Paul and all those blokes. Having said all that, I heard of a case where a bloke used 'family study' to ask questions.......disguised as 'how would you answer this in the ministry?'

    It might not work. who knows?

    Here is a thread I enjoyed....perhaps get some ideas from this??? ............... https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5094492266823680/jw-stumper-questions-list-you-best-here

    One love

  • Onager

    Hi Brian, I just want to add my "take things slow" to the chorus!

    I'd also add that you have all the tools to understand how your wife will respond and to plan accordingly. You were (are) a JW and... she is your wife! :)

    My advice would be to focus your precious time and energy on your family and stop throwing it away into the black hole that is the organisation as far as possible. Continue to prove the truth of the matter to yourself. It's a safe bet for me to say that you have never actually studied "the Truth". How can you prove or disprove something if you only ever consider how right it is and never consider how it may be wrong?

    Lastly please remember that you have exactly as much right to happiness as your wife or anyone else on this planet and nobody, NOBODY has the right to take it away, not even the GB. Unless you let them.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    A very big welcome Brian J.

    Learning from others who have already travelled the road you are now on will be of the utmost help to you. You are now an "apostate"of the WTBTS - not of Christianity. Feel good about it. Each person can only give you advice from their personal perspective and how it impacted on their family members.

    The sooner you resign as an Elder "for personal & private reasons" the better. Under no circumstances give any reasons to anyone - especially your wife! This will get the ball rolling, and people's towards you will noticeably change. Once you do so, your wife will start to see the conditional love and friendship disappear from some/many and her eyes and mind will very quickly discern things she'd never noticed or considered before. She will then want to discuss topics which are taboo at the moment. That will be your cue to help your wife and family fade together. This is exactly how it has worked out for one of my family who was an elder. His zealous JW wife has now seen The Truth About The Truth. (TTATT)

    You have a P.M.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Welcome Brain J. It was 2009 my father had just died. My mother was suffering with dementia and becoming very hard to handle. Feb. of that year I went to KM school at Patterson for PO,s. With all this going on I was waking up about what I was seeing. So here I was a born-in, almost 25 years as a elder and PO for 3 years. I was a nervous wreck not knowing what to do. What help me the most was coming to this site and reading what others did to fade and help their mates to fade with them.

    I can't add to the advice everyone here gave you. It is all sound advice. Just take it slow. The idea given to you to study with your family by putting in thinking critical thinking will help you. But very little pieces at a time. Also in a very methodical way work at stepping down from being the COBE then let some time go by then step down as a elder. For me it took 2 years to do this. By gong slowly this will take a lot of the focus off of you.

    Everyone experience is different but similar. Use what will work for you and your family. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy and take care of your mental and emotional health. Always try to have a positive attitude on what you are doing. I won't lie to you, it is hard but will worth it. Take care and best wishes for you and your family. Still Totally ADD

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