Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo 77 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Incognigo Montoya
    Incognigo Montoya

    3rd Gen. Wise words and a wise decision. You lived the point I was making. Good to hear you took time to make the right choice for yourself.

    Dubstepped- I never said your decision was easy, or that I know all the factors in your decision, but step back and look at it objectively; making the decision to sever ties permanently, from a disfunctional family, is not the same as severing ties with family who are loving and close. You have a completely different mindset when you're dealing with family you have a love/hate relationship with, than with family you love dearly.

  • ShirleyW

    This thread brings back a memory from the early 70's in my cong, a brother wrote a letter basically saying he didn't want to be a Dub anymore, but I remember at the mtg they read the letter, I have no idea if he just wrote a few sentences which is what they read at the meeting or if he told them all to kiss his ass in the letter,but I do remember them reading it at the end of the mtg like they do when they DF people, I have a feeling that was just a one time thing and all the DA letters or probably thrown in the trash, or thrown in the old' Dub file which you really don't care about at this point if you wrote a letter saying you no longer believe the lie.

  • dubstepped

    Yes Incognigo (sorry Incognito for spell check converting the name earlier but you were wise enough to make it out), things are different for people dependent on family. That doesn't mean that they don't even out on some level though. First, you're trying to measure love, which is a tough thing to do, particularly objectively as you stated. Second, often those that had dysfunctional families, just have a different set of problems. Trying to measure it is silly. The therapy industry is built on people who had dysfunctional families, so it isn't something that is just easy to pack away and move on from. In my opinion you're greatly oversimplifying things and calling it objective. I don't see it the same as you. To me one isn't necessarily easier or harder, just different.

    You're also basing an argument on a premise that somehow those that disassociate have dysfunctional families as if those that fade don't. I don't necessarily see that. Faders often have super messed up families too. Like I said earlier, there were dysfunctional families everywhere. Faders are often trying to get that love that they never got, still trying and hoping that someday it will turn around. Many faders put up with absolutely awful and toxic behavior.

    It's like the assertion that I argue about that those that disassociate are playing the JW game, as if those that fade aren't. Everyone plays to some degree. Disassociating ends the game for you. Fading continues it. One is free to choose whatever one likes and again I'll support them either way, as it appears you will as well. That's rare, it usually only goes one way with support only for fading and false labeling and characterization of those that disassociate.

  • Brighton

    After being faded for 10 years, I set the rules. Being raised a 4th generation JW, I still know and care about a lot of people who are in. I attend Memorial because it is 1 hour of my life that makes the rest of the year easier with my family. When I say, "hang out" with JWs, it is very occasional - maybe 4 times a year. I generally direct the conversation toward something that I am interested in, like genealogy, travel, food, art...SO many things to talk about...

    As far as my private life - I smoke cigars, celebrate holidays, have sex, vote, blah blah blah - and my private life is private. Not everyone I know is entitled to know everything about my life.

    So, no - I'm not playing by their rules - I play by mine. At the same time, I feel no reason to criticize them or incite them to view me as dangerous.

  • blondie

    *** w08 11/15 p. 16 par. 17 Help Them Return Without Delay! ***

    Why did the brother become inactive? He admits: “I started giving more attention to worldly matters than to spiritual things. Then I stopped studying, engaging in the ministry, and attending meetings. The next thing I knew, I was no longer a part of the Christian congregation.

    *** w82 4/15 pp. 23-24 par. 10 Enduring Joyfully Despite Persecution ***

    Hence, when our activity is banned, it is generally our preaching and our meetings that are prohibited. “You can be Jehovah’s Witnesses,” we are often told, “but you may not preach or hold any meetings.” Yet if we did not preach or hold meetings, we would not be witnesses of Jehovah God or Christ Jesus, since a witness who does not say anything is really not a witness at all. (Isaiah 43:10, 12; Acts 1:8)

    *** w55 1/1 p. 14 par. 14 Holding Fast the Public Declaration of Our Hope ***

    Under that wholesome counsel by Paul it is very necessary for each one of us to look after himself. It is not just a matter of saying, ‘I am one of Jehovah’s witnesses,’ or one’s coming to a meeting and there sitting quietly. It really is a matter of inspecting yourself, testing or proving yourself by answering questions in public, voluntarily or when called upon. How can anyone say he is one of Jehovah’s witnesses if he does not attend and participate in the meetings of true worshipers of Jehovah? (John 4:23) How can he say, even to himself, that he believes the truth of God’s Word if he never expresses that truth to his brothers? One might be born a Catholic and be baptized into that religious cult when he is but a few days old and be called a Catholic for the rest of his life. Or he may be born of Protestant parents or Moslem parents or Jewish parents, and the name of his parents’ religion will go with him the rest of his life unless he personally decides to progress. But as for Jehovah’s witnesses, each must make a decision for himself. It is not for any parent to decide for his child to make a dedication to Jehovah God through Jesus Christ. Each must personally prove that he is one of Jehovah’s witnesses through public expression of his faith and hope in Jehovah’s new world before the congregation of Jehovah’s people. It is your active belief that will incite others to greater activity; therefore the knowledge you have gained should be expressed aloud before the congregation for the benefit of all.—1 John 4:17, NW.

    *** w57 2/15 p. 114 par. 4 How Jehovah’s Witnesses View Their Ministry ***

    Being one of Jehovah’s witnesses means more than saying, ‘I am one of Jehovah’s witnesses.’ Are you witnessing? Regularly? All physically able have the responsibility to preach publicly and from house to house, as did Jesus, and in addition take advantage of all opportunities to witness to friends, neighbors, etc., while the physically infirm are privileged to witness to visitors, write letters, make telephone calls, and in other ways share in giving the mighty witness. Without exception each witness of Jehovah is aware of his obligations in this regard, as set out in Ezekiel 3:17-21. If one does not witness, he is not one of Jehovah’s witnesses. To call ourselves witnesses of Jehovah and then to refrain from witnessing, which is ministering, would be taking Jehovah’s name in a vain or worthless way. Never may that happen, and it will not so long as a proper view of the ministry is maintained.

  • JustHuman14

    My personal advice is "just fade" writing a letter is just giving them authority over you. Simply ignore them and fade. This shows that you are not allowing them to exercise any control to your life.

  • smiddy3

    For the life of me I don`t see how YOU disassotiating the JW religion from you gives them control over you ?

    You have put yourself in control over them surely.?

    YOU have called the shots and not them.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    suppose the watchtower imposed a " release fee" to anyone wanting to leave ? how many would pay up ?

    isnt it the same as writing a letter of resignation ?

  • jookbeard

    why play by their silly stupid rules?, a DA letter would only be read by the BoE's and you'd be lucky if they paid much attention to the nitty gritty of your letter if you was trying to prove their doctrines are wrong via a DA letter, fading is always the best policy especially if you have family members/close personal friends in that you care about, they hate faders/inactive ones, it makes possible work for them in regards to " "shepparding" visits etc and it makes the CO have to do a few more minutes work each visit

  • silentbuddha
    "That we are living “in the last days” - “the day of the Lord” - “the end” of the Gospel age, and consequently, in the dawn of the “new” age, are facts not only discernible by the close student of the Word, led by the spirit, but the outward signs recognizable by the world bear the same testimony, and we are desirous that the “household of faith” be fully awake to the fact, ... " Zion's Watch Tower1879 Jul 1 p.1

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