Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo 77 Replies latest jw experiences

  • silentbuddha

    Yes Steve, people often ignore others that say things they dont like. Which is why some peoples families ignore them when they leave the Jehovahs Witnesses.

    It is a shame

  • Giordano

    Concerning choosing being DAed instead of DFing or Fading:

    If there is one sound argument for going the DA route it would be if you are facing a sure DFing situation. Or an ongoing witch hunt by Elder's. If you are headed for that and there is no way to avoid being DF and you have no desire to subject yourself to a 'Star Chamber'........... DA yourself.

    A fade, even over a very short period of time, is somewhat less dramatic. It confuses the believers. If asked why you have stopped going to the meetings say that you have been greatly disturbed by the JW child sexual abuse problem. And you are waiting for the Society to fix it. That's all you have to say.

    You have stated your reason....... which is not a lie but a truth as born out by the ARC and sworn testimony by the victims, the Elders that knew what was going on and did nothing....... the Branch servants that received the reports of abuse and even a GB member.

    Who is going to tell you that you are wrong to feel anguish for the abused children? There are now hundreds of....... none apostate....... news media reports that one can find on line.

    So essentially you are sitting this out until the Society fixes this issue.

    That's your fade say nothing more to anyone. Forget about the JW's and move on with your life.

  • What Now?
    What Now?

    This is the letter that we sent to our families. I hope it can be of help to you!

  • DesirousOfChange

    Well, whatever you decide to do (DA, Fade, whatever), I think everyone here will support the idea of doing what you think is best for you. But please don't crash Cong Meetings in such a way that supports the WT's reference to "mentally diseased apostates".

    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

  • LongHairGal

    There have been many threads on here over the years about Disassociating versus Fading and because of all the newbies it came up again.

    Depending on a particular person’s situation, one choice might be better than the other. Nobody else can make this decision for you...I had no relatives there and I did a ‘Fade’.

    One poster brought up the issue of stratification and all the class issues there and this is something that I faced as a single working woman in the Witness religion. I was ostracized by some. What a fool I would have been if I had let this get to me!..Wisely, I paid their nonsense no mind and kept my job and did a ‘Fade’ when the time was right and I’ve been out over eighteen years.

  • Incognito

    What is appropriate for one person, may not be the same for someone else.

    One thing for certain, once you DA, there is no way to unring that bell if you later find it was a mistake.

    You may wish to initially fade or stop attending altogether to see how that goes. If tolerable, continue in that manner. If you later find it necessary or want to DA, you can then do so after appropriate calm consideration and without emotion or feeling forced or rushed.

    Many JWs receiving a letter will not necessarily read it word for word but will simply scan through for specific words to determine the letter's purpose. Once they realize why you had written, many will not read it but will often discard or pass-it-along to an elder.

    One JW belief is that we are each obligated and will be 'blood guilty' if we do not preach to and teach others. By attempting to 'Wake Up' active JWs, is that to appease that same learned obligation?

    Sometimes, the less that is said, the better.

  • BereanThinker7

    While the decision is a personal one and everybody has to do whats right for them. I strongly feel that the most good can be accomplished by those who stick it out as "faded" for as long as possible. I allows enough communication open that those who still talk to you will almost inevitably as why you don't go to meeting any more and boom you've got an in to drop just a few pieces of information on them they probably wouldn't have come across with open ears otherwise.

    Choose your topic accordingly to whoever is asking as well. Some people its going to be U.N. association or the ARC. Others it will be doctrinal, "How can we not have Jesus as our mediator?" "How could there have been a first century G.B. if the "slave" wasn't selected until 1919, and that was in the middle of the gentile times when Jehovah had no earthly representatives?"

  • Brighton

    If you DA, you just playing by their rules.

    I've been lucky enough to fade and I have to say that it is feels very empowering to occasionally associate with them while holding my own. I am kind, friendly and happy to see them. At the same time, I do not give up my point of view - I talk about things interesting to me or listen. It is a good reminder to them, that not everyone who leaves is dangerous. Every time I spend time with a group of JWs, it re-enforces exactly why I left. It feels good to me that I am successfully hanging out in the grey area without giving in to pressure to do more.


  • dubstepped

    So first you take a shot at disassociation with the standard weak argument:

    If you DA, you just playing by their rules......

    And then you go on to say:

    I do not give up my point of view....
    It is a good reminder to them, that not everyone who leaves is dangerous....
    Every time I spend time with a group of JWs, it re-enforces exactly why I left....
    It feels good to me that I am successfully hanging out in the grey area....

    Tell me again, who is playing by their rules?

  • fastJehu
    If you DA, you just playing by their rules......

    Only, if I write a DA letter. I went a different way so I wouldn't play by their rules.

    In Germany you can leave the JW as you have to leave any other recognized religion, via the local registry office or the local district court. That costs 30 Euro and you get an officially certified letter about the withdrawal.

    I have done it this way. This also influences the statistics on church resignations in Germany, which the JWs do not like at all.

    Shortly afterwards 2 elders visited me and wanted to know, if I really mean my resignation, because this kind of resignation is not usual for a JW. Translated into JW-speak: I didn't quit according to their rules.

    Probably then the 2 elders have entered in my "file" - that I have announced my resignation towards 2 elders. But I don't care, because I have the official letter of my city about my leaving the religion.

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