Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo 77 Replies latest jw experiences

  • careful

    HP, I agree with those who say hold back. Your efforts will bear more fruit if you keep your cool and stay un-DAed/un-DFed. Keep the long range view in mind. Most of us can relate to wanting to vent our feelings about the org's corruption, but you will do more good if you stay "inactive." More options will be open to you. Think of others rather than your own feelings.

    You state "I ... wondered if I should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the BOE will have to read it." You won't wake anyone up with a DA letter. It's not a "tool" for that! If you remain inactive you will have multiple ways to enlighten people. DA letters have a long record of waking up NO ONE. All the "faithful ones" think of is "he went out from among us because he's not of our sort." That's it. They not only will not care what you say are your reasons, but they will be positively afraid of reading them. Why stir that up that fear? Isn't reasoning better? You will be able to reason with them if you can still approach them and talk with them. DA yourself and you will cut that off permanently. Think about it...

  • silentbuddha

    Yeah stay a JW forever and spend your life hiding out and being someone you arent.

  • DesirousOfChange

    The Cult has a policy for DFing and DAing because it serves THEIR purpose.

    So go ahead. Do it THEIR way.

    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    All a DA letter does is tell the congregation and your family that you are to be feared and that they should avoid having conversations with you. This is exactly what the bOrg wants you to do because they want you to have no chance of influencing any of their members to think for themselves.

    If you are a recruit, with no family in, go ahead and DA.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    Why make a big issue out of it?

    It will only create problems for your relatives and friends

    Just walk away..never look back..dont go near a kh again..forget the cult and move on with your life.

    Even visiting sites like this can do more harm than good if youre still dithering.

  • dubstepped

    Disassociating is great, instant freedom. Go for it! Best decision my wife and I ever made. Don't listen to those that have to play JW games for years simply to keep toxic relationships, unless of course that's what you want.

    As far as what to write, write whatever you want just don't have expectations. Just do the damn thing, get it over with, and be totally free. It's tough to put into words what it's like in the other side. Yeah, shunning isn't great, but it's not all bad either to be honest. It keeps the crazies away.

    By the way, the line that you're just creating problems for your family and friends by disassociating is the same bullshit the cult says. They have problems because of their actions, not yours. Even if you disassociate the problem is of their doing, their choice, not yours. They shun you. Let's stop acting like no one has choice. And you know what, when people have problems is often when they wake up. Keeping them saved to avoid taking a stand might be what keeps them in.

    The cult doesn't want you disassociating. If everyone did they'd have a huge problem.

  • DesirousOfChange

    It will only create problems for your relatives and friends ~ Stan L.

    Stan makes a good point there. We had DFd friends with whom we would have liked to have still been able to associate, but the "cost" was too high had we been caught, as WE could have been DFd for doing so. We had one friend who even saw it as we should take a stand and make a choice: Him or the Borg. With elderly parents and family members still "in", he was not worth the risk of us being DFd for breaking their rules.

    If a person avoids being DF or DA, their family has the "out" of saying, "They are NOT DFd" when choosing to associate with them.

  • dubstepped

    So much dub centric thinking in here. When I was a dub I thought as a dub, spoke as a dub, but you, you are not of these dubs, fly and be free and let the dubs deal with the consequences of their own dub actions.

  • silentbuddha

    You realize that everyone who is telling you not to do what you want and not to play by the orgs rules are literally still Jehovahs Witnesses and always will be. That is fine if that is what you want.

    I Da'ed. My wife followed and my children. I sent messages via mail and facebook and more than a few were impacted and left and are now on this site.

    We don't have to sell our homes or hide daily activities to be our genuine selves.

    Neither do I have to look over my shoulder.

    Do what you want, what is best for you, but avoid the fearmongering

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath
    silentbuddha3 minutes ago

    You realize that everyone who is telling you not to do what you want and not to play by the orgs rules are literally still Jehovahs Witnesses and always will be.

    ha ha--so that includes me then. right on !

    seriously though--i had to go and take the same line as the OP is proposing..i resigned and went public about it. 2 of my kids havent had any contact with me for 40 years. is that what you want ?

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