Boyfriend force me to study the bible or no marriage

by MuslimWoman 52 Replies latest social relationships

  • MuslimWoman

    Thank you everybody for your message and support..

    He just left me by phone because I was telling him to much that he was blackmailing me.. I wasn't asking for a lot. Just to ook up some info about my faith too since he asks me to do something to understand his faith.. I am just really worried about him.. But all you said is true. This sign of being abusive adn how he would have treated me if I was married to him.. And everytime I told him that I will never become a witness but do the bible study and then asked him "you will marry if I do this study" he was evasive and was like I can't promise you I will marry you.. I told him to be honest that he wanted to convert me.. But he wasn't brave and honest enough..

    I just felt horrible caus he was asking me to study the Bible, a holy book that I believ in since I am muslim. But I can't do that in order to get married it's just not right! I can't use a holy book to get married.. Yeah I want to try to go in the US but not with a fake marriage. I really wanted to marry him tho.. But he scared me with this passive blackmail..

  • joe134cd

    From time to time we get people with situations that are similar to yours, and the overwheling majority of advise is not to proceed with the relationship. Even the jws will be telling him the same the thing at his end. I do know of a situation similar to yours in my local area where they did get married and sadly they are not together now. If you are wanting to determine his mind set. My suggestion would be to sit down with an article from jw facts or perhaps a copy of the findings from the royal australian commission. If he accepts that these are legitimate concerns, or that these are apostate driven lies. Then you will know the future of the relationship. If it is a visa you are after then I guess just fake it till you make it.

    Like many here I was in it for just under 40 years. So you can be reassured the advise given is in your best interests. In my opinion relationships like these often end very badly.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    MuslimWoman: Your (sorry) boyfriend is a loser. In his congregation he will gain status that HE "brought" a Muslim woman into what they call "the truth" (trademark/lie) of his religion. Very, very few, as you know, Muslims convert to a Christian religion. You are playing with fire. As you know it is against your religion to become a convert outside of the Muslim community. You will lose your status as you know it, to become his bragging point... that is one reason he is being unreasonable.

    Haven't you asked yourself, why he hasn't found himself a nice woman in his own religion? Those who know him, obviously do not want him enough to bend to whatever he thinks they must do to have the dubious honor of being his wife.

    Run. Run. Run now while you have the chance. He is showing signs of having a manipulate personality, already. He is not showing kindness or any understanding.

    How has he shown you that he cares for you? Even loves you? Would you marry a man that did not love you?

    You want to come to America? Once you are here, then what? Will you bring all of your family over for a visit or for eventual immigration or will you be stranded by yourself, looking to your husband as your only means of love, help and support? You cannot work and make money right away. Does he make enough or will he call you a burden and worse?

    You do not know him. Your emotions and hormones and maybe watching too much American TV is what is giving you excitement at all the possibilities that can unfold for you. But what if that is all an illusion?

    Why do you think he is that one "Mr Wonderful" for you?

    How old are you? Are you educated? What were your goals growing up? How do you view your future? If you are honest with yourself, would you endure whatever good or bad will come with marrying this man? Do you believe at your age that this is your one and only chance to get to the USA only through this man?

  • MuslimWoman

    Yes I have to find some serious articles that can show him this is an extremism group because I still really care about him.. And no if I wanted to fake it I would have fake becoming a jw but I am a person too honest to do that.. I will try to find some articles but he is not realistic enough to realize those things.

    We even spent some times looking at stuff in the Bible about hell (since jw don't believe in hell). It was on front of his eyes that Jesus was talking about hell and fire but he can't see that he is so brainwashed..

    I'm just worried and sad.. But I guess if I want to be happy I shouldn't try to repare this relationship..

    Thanks for your message.

  • MuslimWoman

    He helped me a lot and showed a lot of love.. But he is disfellowshipped so I don't know how he can be as a jw.. He helped me when I was homeless in the US (I spent a year as an intern there in SF, and the rent is expensive, something happened with my housing situation) I was homeless for a few months going from house to house and even shelters. And he helped me, I even went to his mom house.. I think he cares but he is so blind and not realistic that he got manipulated by this cult. They are really good I think! They have an official website, videos, texts, their own Bible (that they probably modified..)

    But I really care I wanna help him.. But I guess it is not possible..

  • dubstepped

    Please stop. You are not loving him, you are in danger of being codependent with him. Go live your life and be happy. Find someone that loves and respects you for who you are, not for what they can convert you into. You cannot save him. You are on a forum full of people that have all lost their families due to shunning from that cult of Jehovah's Witnesses. All of us have tried at one time or another to save people and almost nobody is ever successful and we now far more about this than you could ever know. He didn't ask you for help, so you cannot help him. You have to let him go for your own mental and emotional well being. You are fighting a battle that you don't even understand like we do and that we cannot win with our loved ones, so you have little to no shot of winning here. The only way you win is to walk away and go be happy somewhere else. I'm not trying to be harsh, I care about you and I don't even know you. I care enough to want you to be yourself. That is love, not what he is doing. He is trying to control you, and control is not love.

    The fact that he is disfellowshipped and STILL that hung up in the cult beliefs is terrifying. It shows that he is unlikely to get free. He is shunned, being treated like an un-person, and he still believes in them. Think about that. Not even shunning could save him from their grip. You won't stand a chance.

    In fact, he will become even more intense as a JW if he marries you. I would bet that he probably got disfellowshipped because he wanted to have sex or something and he feels that by marrying someone he won't have that problem of sex outside of marriage anymore so he can officially go back and be accepted after a time. You might just be his ticket back to the cult and he might be your way to the United States. That's not healthy.

  • MuslimWoman

    Yes you are right.. He disfellowshipped himself. I don't even understadn this word and how he can judge himself as a "non-follower" without being God.. Anyway. We are still talking through emails.. He already deleted our Whatsapp conversation.. This is indeed what they teach jw to do.. Get rid of people that question the organization..

    I'm just sad I really loved him, I really wanted to get married seriously adn no to come in the US, there are a lot of other ways to do that.. But yes I gotta be strong and think of my well-being.

    I am just disappointed that someone I care about became their little b**ch... He can't even tell me what convinced him to become one! And can't even question them!!! He is just acting like a victim, that people in this forum are just haters that are not strong enough to be a jw help byb Jehovah.


  • Incognito
    people in this forum are just haters that are not strong enough to be a JW help by Jehovah.

    I would say, from numerous years of experience here, most of us are strong enough to accept the reality that the JW religion is not chosen by God but is just another man-made organization that claims to speak for God.

    Most discussions here do not reflect hatred of individual JW's or JW's as a group but do express disgust and hatred for the organization that supports hatred of anyone not a JW and that continues to support mistreatment of even active JW's and that also supports the ongoing sexual abuse of children by members of JW congregations.

    His reaction only further shows his continued indoctrination.

  • moreconfusedthanever

    Run like the wind. He may care about you but it doesn't look or sound like love and til death do us part can be a long time if you are in a loveless, conditional marriage.

    Count your blessings that this has come to the fore before you married and walk away. Do not look back.

  • jp1692

    This is a major RED FLAG. Ignore it at your own peril.

    Show your BF the door. Better yet, use it yourself as your exit to freedom.

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