Please, I am so upset...I need some hugs...

by Sentinel 68 Replies latest jw experiences

  • plmkrzy

    ((((((Karen :-()))))))

    I personally can't relate to your situation but I have seen some families behave that way. It's pretty incredible.

    Sorry you are going through this.

  • overit

    freedom has its price.......broken families. Been there done that! hard to get 'overit' it totally.

    comment for Farkel......good for you.

  • Englishman


    My God. What an awesome come-uppance is due to these family wreckers. I am so sorry that I didn't click on this thread earlier, I really do wish all the best wishes in the world as you deal with this.

    The saddest part is that, with your mum being in her late seventies, time is running out now for you to ever have any hope of rebuilding a relationship. Still, miracles can happen.

    I presume that the "new light" is from the KM insert on DF'ing, I haven't had any feedback over here, maybe it was only issued in the US?


  • LeslieV


    I am so sorry this has happened to you. It can crush you emotionally which is exactly what the borg wants it to do. I think you handled it well. Healing will come in time and believe me when I say time. It is like a death you will go through different stages of grieving what you have lost.

    I also lost most of my family when I left the religion. I was very close to my grandparents, in fact took care of them for many years. My grandmother is still alive and the family will not even let me see her at all, even though she begs them to see me. If is abuse in the worse form. My uncle told me that if I contacted her even if she calls me he would have to discipline my grandmother. My grandmother is 92 years old. He is revolting to me.

    Well everyone here is thinking of you. Take care of yourself do something in the next few weeks that will make you smile.


  • Tish


    I know what you are saying, my sister and I are where you are, big hugs to you and everyone who is where we are.



  • scootergirl

    (((((Karen)))))) I want to hug you too!

    I can totally relate. My parents do the same, and my mother has popped into my life occasionally just to reopen the wound to remind me about that our relationship is "dead". It is a pain that really doesn't ever go only savior was to take control of what I can and that is not to allow her in any more. No expectations, no disappointments. But there are days when it still gets me down. So many times I wish that I had a mother who loved me unconditionally.

  • blondie

    Karen, I am so sorry to hear of your mother's decision. I always wonder why many JWs feel that they cannot even have the courtesy to notify a DF'd or DA'd family member about the death of someone close to be able to attend the visitation/funeral. Notice these ambiguous phrases in the KM article that many elders I know of have used to circumvent the no association "rule."

    "they could no longer talk to her unless there were important family matters"
    "it might be possible to have almost no contact at alleven if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum."
    "even keeping business dealings to an absolute minimum"

    I cant see what family matter could be more important that than unless it is one that involves money/property and a legal situation.

    Many elders use the "business dealings" clause or "important family matters" to justify their own association with family members. I have even seen they say that because they are an elder, they can associate with the DF'd one. Actually, only the elders on the judicial committee can have any contact (never a family member) and then only with a view to reinstatement. If you can, you might point out that to your mother that if it involves important family matters or business dealings some contact is necessary.

    My family already treats me like I am DF'd and I am still active. I wonder what they will do if I am ever DF'd?

    So stick with those who love you, Karen, your mom may still come around.

    (edited for forgetfulness)

    Edited by - Blondie on 31 August 2002 9:30:28

  • Sirona


    I just came across this thread and I'm so sorry that your mother has done this and that she is so controlled by the borg.

    I'm currently debating on another forum on which Jehovahs Witnesses are telling me that they speak to DF'd ones. They are just saying that to save face, because we all know the reality.



  • sOOner

    morrisamb>When they realized how dead I was inside all those years without them

    crying invisable tears.

    I am sitting here reading the posts from my sister(Karen's) thread"I need a hug" and also checking out posts in my thread "Dead Again?

    As I read these posts I do KNOW for a fact that this will probably be the end of my mama.She will be dead inside without us...she is old now 78,the BORG is set in her like cement,unmovable and permanent.

    May the Borg hold her up and be there when she falls

    I recall something she said to me a few years back.She held me and told me "the whole time (12) years that we didn't have any contac I thought about you,I looked at the sunrise and wondered how you were,I saw the sun set and wondered if you only knew how much I loved you"

    I do know...I knew then and I know NOW~

    I am a mother now...

    I am feeling her turmoil in the deepest part of my heart


  • jack2


    Once the new KM came out, and then began being considered at the service meetings, this was bound to happen, obviously.

    Karen the posts here have been great and I can only add that I am very sorry as well.

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