I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. I wish that their was something that I can do. I have been through the same emotional roller coaster until I put a stop to it.
My mom is 74 yrs old and has been in since 1968. It's very hard for me to put her out of my mind. In my travels, I see ladies my mothers age and it makes me wonder what she's doing now. The kicker is.......there are times when I help these old ladies, perhaps at the grocery store or something and I think of my mom. It really messses with your head. But she's under Borg mind control and she doesn't know it. The last time I talked to her, I told her that I'm not a part time son. If she wants a relationship with me, it's either full time or nothing at all. I hated to tell her that but that's what it all comes down to with the Watchtower. That's why that religion is so evil.
I feel for you.