by kairos 68 Replies latest members private
I suggest you get marriage counseling, or personal counseling if your wife won't go. These are huge issues, if you don't reach some kind of compromise you will continue to be stressed.
I also HIGHLY recommend meditation. Meditation has done more for me than any psychologist or any medication. It's free and easy to do, it just takes time and a little effort.
I'm thinking I may need counciling of some sort.
Yeah isn't it something how the Non J-Dubs are the ones needing councilling? I think the whole J-Dub Club needs the councilling.
Kairos, remember, many therapists do not understand the degree of the JW influence on everything. Many don't "get it". Don't be afraid to explain, and don't be afraid to find another one, or another one, until you find one that "gets it". I found a spiritual abuse specialist iin my area. I broke down and cried in the first 10 minutes, because finally, someone GOT it.
Therapy, with a right therapist, is helpful.
My health is ever so slowly improving. The hit of the sudden JW negative intrusion in my marriage along with several other very, very stressful and upsetting things at the same time in my life hit me very, very hard. I learned, finally, I can't do everything I put my mind to, because there are limitations I didn't want to recognise before. Recognising can be freeing, and can relieve anxiety.
It's a long road, no quick fixes, but there are plans you can create. I learned a whole lot here.
I've lived with nausea for years now. I wish pot were legal here because I imagine that would me a world of good. Yoga, therapy, etc, doesn't take care of it enough, so I have to resort to xanax more than I would like to. Zofran too, plus kinda strong migraine medicines. I'm whittling away at it though. one.step.at.a.time. Try not to fret about the future twists in possibilities. Try to capture love and fun times with your wife as much as possible. let the rest take it's course. You have no control over her decisions, so enjoy your own and include her on all the fun and happy parts. Make her life with you ( which is without the WTBTS) very attractive and happy.
I appreciate the helpful ideas.
I have felt similar feelings with regards to the strain with my daughter who is a baptized minor Witness. As others have suggested (and you and I have confirmed) a little weed helped tremendously. The core problems haven't gone away, but I can at least function.
As was suggested to me on my post about dealing with my daughter, try to keep religion out of it. I'm stressed out that she is still under the control of the organization, but that I can't change. All I can do is be the best dad and husband I can be, without bringing up things religiously. It's a ridiculous notion that a family can't be happy with religious differences. It frustrates me that the ones who have genuine love and concern for their JW family can't express it either "legally" (as in the case of DFd people like myself) or convincingly. Witnesses believe they are right and we are wrong, and there is no changing that. There is no thinking about it, it's just accepted. If we're in pain seeing them metally controlled by a boys club in NY, they just can't understand.
I wish you the best and hope your re-affirmation of love and committment will go a long way to helping you cope. It will never be easy. But if you feel this way for your marriage mate, it's worth saving.
Little update:
I kept taking the prescription and occasional antacids.
I recently left on a road trip without my wife.
This was Dec 16th.
I immediately quit the meds.
My wife and I spoke on the phone many times each day while I was gone.
I came home, picked her up and we will return this Sunday night.
My nausea is completely gone and my appetite is good.
The relief was very short lived, I'm afraid.
The nausea has returned with a vengeance.
This week saw my first "mental breakdown". Found myself screaming and crying into my pillow.
At least my supportive wife was there to comfort me.
I let some pretty heavy bottled up thoughts that morning. She heard them all and just helped me through it. Surprising felt a inner sense of relief as the release escalated.
First I was doing some very controlled breathing. Massive deep breaths and long focused exhaling.
This started forming grunts, screams, crying and eventually fully formed thoughts. Also involuntary "spasms". Extreme shudders? It was exhilarating. If I didn't use the pillow to muffle my chaos, I'm afraid the neighbors may have called the police.
Some of the choice rants:
It's a cult
It's a lie. You live the lie. You can't get enough of the lie. You thirst for it.
They stole my life. That what they do. They take people's live.
___
Then today after about 90 minutes being in knots, I verbalized how much it hurts knowing how family and friends that once listened to my parts, commended and greeted me, told me what "fine elder" I'd make. Mentioned that I was good enough to treat 7 of my extended JW family to a 2 day trip to Disneyland ( with a full beard ) , but now I'm "too risky", "dangerous", "wicked", "evil" and" a threat to the children's lives".
Summed it up this way. If you spend time in the right building and say the right words, you are righteous.
Thanks for reading.
Weight is still falling off. I have lost nearly 30 pounds, now.
I'm still 20 over my goal weight.
Sorry you're having a rough week.
But, I think it's awesome that your wife, although still in, was there for you and "helped you through it."
