Welcome and congratulations on starting to think about what you've been taught.
I understand where you're coming from. I was a lot like that. I knew the JWs weren't the true religion, but I was born in and many beliefs were ingrained in my head since childhood. You look at the people outside and some of them scare you. You don't want to end up like that. And while you question the JW religion, you are afraid of what might happen outside of it.
Yes, there were a lot of good traits they tried to instill in you. Be good to others, forgive others, etc.
Cursing. Cursing is just words. It's just sounds. Things change. What was terribly offensive years ago is fine now. Even from nation to nation, certain phrases are offensive. There are phrases like spastic that are no big deal in the US, but are seen as very offensive in the UK (2nd most offensive phrase according to a survey). And vice-versa. Words like the C word that women really seem to hate don't seem nearly as bad in the UK. So bad words are relative.
I don't see them as a big deal. In general, I don't use them much, but I don't sweat it when I do. In the interest of politeness, you have to determine your company. When I do swear, I'm either at home or in the company of people who don't care. In a work environment (particularly an office one) it's inappropriate. But otherwise, I don't see the difference between "sh*t" and "poo". We're talking about the same concept. Why is one word so offensive and another not? Curse or don't. But try not to curse when people will be offended.
Atheism happens. Strictly speaking, I'm not ruling out the possibility of more intelligent life forms that some might refer to as gods, but I don't see the Bible as the word of one of them. Purely mad-made. But that's your own journey to make or not to make. I started off leaving because I knew the JWs were wrong, but essentially still believing almost everything they did (except regarding their special position). So I tried to sort out what beliefs that I was taught as a JW were biblical and which weren't. It was very confusing. Trinity for example. There are some verses where you could argue Jesus was claiming things only the father could. And others that support the JW view. I put that on hold. I figured Jesus will be our king either way. Is it wrong to be obedient to him or to praise him? I learned about Grace and the view that believing in Jesus was all I needed. But with my JW background, that didn't feel right. So I tried to find balance. I didn't want to go to another church because as a JW we knew all of them had their issues and none of them had the truth either. I tried to come to a personal relationship with God outside of a church. I figured as long as I belived in God, he'd find favor with me.
But my first big unraveling was the flood. The more I thought about it and looked into it, the more I couldn't believe it. I saw a website that argued that the Hebrew words didn't necessarily mean a global flood, but a local one. That's more believable. But Christian friends told me that no, that coudn't be. The water was over all the tall mountains. Every time I tried to rationalize the Bible with reality, and maybe allow for the fact that the Bible doesn't mean what we thought it did, a Christian insisted I was wrong. Their inflexibility pushed me to examine the bible more closely and accept the possiblity I might have to reject it entirely.
As JWs we were taught that the Bible was in perfect harmony. That is SO far from the truth. Read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John in parallel. That is, try to sync up the accounts of what is happening and read how it is told in each book. Do they agree? Is every quote the same? Pay attention to details. Who was Joseph's father? When did the temple curtain rip? Before or after Jesus died? How did the soldiers identify Jesus? Did Judas kiss him or did Jesus identify himself? Was Jarius's daughter already dead or still dying when he came to Jesus for help? Compare the numbers in Ezra 2 with Nehemiah 7. Are they all the same? Did Simon Peter find out Jesus was the messiah not by flesh and blood, but by God himself? Or did his brother tell him? All of these things can't all be right. Either one is true and the other is false. You have to cock your head and squint real hard to make them all line up.
So I allowed myself to question and I wound up where I'm at. Many people don't wind up where I'm at. Many go on to have very spiritual lives of belief in the Bible. But after being duped by the JWs, I kept exploring and kept my mind open. And this is where I wound up.
Homosexuality. As others have pointed out, reproducing is not the only reason for marriage. If two people are in love, why question it? It's all about preference. Some guys like a lot of "junk in the trunk". Some guys prefer blondes, others brunettes. Some prefer certain races. What's wrong if a guy prefers other guys? Or a girl other girls? Think about it. The actual acts of most gay sex are the same acts straight people engage in too. And it's OK if straight people do it, but it's wrong when gay people do them? There are some things straight people do that I find much more disturbing. It's up to people to choose what they like, but my tastes find some things like torture sex disgusting (just my own tastes, if you're into it, have at it, but it's not for me). Yet so long as it's a man and a woman, it's OK? Sex is about getting off (and sometimes love and other things). As long as everybody is of legal age, is consenting and nobody who doesn't want to be hurt is getting hurt, why have an issue with how they get off?
Besides, if you outlaw gay marriage you force gay people to be fornicators. :)
I don't sweat it. People are so much more than their sex lives. Judge them by the qualities you see, not the ones that go on behind closed doors.
As for your apology, I don't think you were being harsh. I just think you were presenting your justification (from JWs) of why you feel a certain way. And trying to rationalize it.
I think deep down, you question that teaching, but you're trying to rationalize what you're supposed to believe.
As for other questions of sexual conduct, most of those morals are based on religion. If you take away religion as a false concept, you're left with nature. You have urges and a way to fulfull them. I grant you that there is more to it than that. Emotions can develop. And you also run the risk of producing children. So you should be prepared for those outcomes. There are plenty of ways to prevent pregnancy. And I say double-up, triple-up. Do what it takes. Condoms with spermicide, her on birth control, pulling out. Do whatever you can. It sucks being tied to somebody you find out you can't stand because you have a kid together (and that even goes for married people). But there's nothing wrong with sex.
Just don't hurt people. Emotional attachments can happen and cause pain when one person was just in it for the sex. I tend to only have sex with women I could see myself in a relationship with. That may change the more I find out about them. But I'm not just in it for the one-night stand.
Welcome. Stick around, read a bit. You're among many who have taken the same journey. Good luck with the process.
