Roll call of those of us stuck in for our spouse or whos spouse is still in!

by BU2B 62 Replies latest jw friends

  • OneEyedJoe

    Yeah, I'm coming to a similar conclusion. The problem I'm having with my wife is that she has no confidence in her ability to think for herself. So if I present her with something that's clearly false doctrine, or something that's clearly a lie from the WTS, or whatever, she just says she must not understand it fully. She's in no way dumb, but she clearly thinks very little of herself. She turned out pretty well for being home-schooled through HS and having no education beyond that, but I think the biggest thing she lost was the oppurtunity to see that she's well above average in intelligence.

    Now I'm thinking my strategy is to try and find things that I can "discover" innocently to make the case for losing faith in the WTS's decrees, ultimately allowing myself to view appostate websites with the motivation to "test everything" and then discover jwfacts in that path. At least she'll understand why I'm leaving and have greater difficulty ascribing improper motivation to my refusal to participate.

  • Apognophos

    The amazing double standard that Witnesses employ, when faced with doubts, is to say that they can't trust their own heart because it's "treacherous" and "desperate" (Jer. 17:9). Well, how did they recognize the truth in the first place? Didn't their heart lead them to it? At what point did their heart become untrustworthy? Upon baptism?

  • Bye bye birdie
    Bye bye birdie

    I am in the stinky boat too. I do agree on the other side of the world they will physically kill you. On this side they will emotionally kill you.

    just a thought I was kicking around ......if you DA what are the Pros? Would your kids loose witness friends would your wife loose friends too? Would that lack of association make room for the big bad world of friends and hobbies? Could nice neighbor friends help?

    maybe cutting the crazy out of your life is to DA. Again I am not sure just making a pros and cons list for myself.

    would DA yourself show spouses just how cruel this religion is to families? Or would it throw them into feeling attacked by Satan and band together against you.

    it is a toss up....

    and yes it boils me that we go door to door begging people to investigate their own religion.....but we are uninvited to do so with our own.

    what a snare and racket.


  • OneEyedJoe

    BBB - I think the decision to DA or not needs to be a personal one. Everyone's case is different and you'll have to determine what you value most and work out the best way to get there. It could go either way. Currently my plan is to "innocently investigate" the religion sharing my findings along the way. At a certain point I'll decide to stop going, and I'll let my wife decide for herself. If talk comes up about DAing, I'll tell her that I'm prepared to DA if that's what she thinks is best, but I dont want to make things harder on her, and basically let her decide.

  • Bye bye birdie
    Bye bye birdie

    I totally agree. I am just kicking around this weird situation. staying "in" hurts me but so would other alternatives. in no way am I giving advice just talking aloud.

    sometimes feeling like there are choices.....even terrible choices makes me feel better than having none.

  • BU2B

    All I am thinking is that we may all just have to roll the dice...and just see how things go?

    I mean, we have how many years of life left before we get old and die? So why waste them being miserable?

    I suppose if we rip off the bandages now in a quick decisive move, we may still have time to build and enjoy a happy life in the years we have left?

    My thoughts exactly SIAR.. Its just so hard to take that step and actually do it, otherwise we would have done it by now right?

  • stuckinarut2

    OK, so a suggestion for all of us (me included!)

    One Eyed Joe mentioned above the strategy of "accidentally discovering truths" about the organisation. I guess things such as changed articles, false information and misleading inaccurate quotes might be the sort.

    Do you remember the WT that asked "when doing personal study, ask yourself, 'how many of the societys old publications have your read' etc..." or "have you read the extensive array of publications available in our kingdome hall libraries?"

    They were words to that effect anyway...


    That is what I did when I showed my wife that article...(that I cant remember now dammit) where the original WT said "the system will end in this 20th century etc".. several times in the article. Then the Bound volume had THE WORDS CHANGED to a vague " in the last days" or something like that.

    I printed them up and said to my wife "You know I have been applying the socities suggestions and have been enjoying doing some in-depth personal study in the older publications recently...and youll never guess what I found! Check this out...etc"

    It was enough to get her attention, and she was genuinely shocked! A few weeks later she said something about the seed of doubt must have worked...

  • PaulaCaptiva

    Kids and hubby....and LOTS of family...all in.

  • jgnat

    Welcome, Paula. My wish is for the best possible outcome where you can share what you really feel.

    One Eyed Joe, I was thinking of your wife and I wonder if some time might be spent directly reinforcing her natural personality? For instance, has she done an IQ test recently? Home schooled she never rated her intelligence against the general population. She might be genuinely surprised. She might also enjoy a brain teaser app on her theocratically approved iPad.

  • KateWild

    I am going back for a loved one. Not a spouse. But my JC will never RI me, so I am limiting my attendance to a strict 12 months only, and four letters. Kate xx

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