Roll call of those of us stuck in for our spouse or whos spouse is still in!

by BU2B 62 Replies latest jw friends

  • RichardHaley
    RichardHaley

    My wife is still in but has her doubts. We both were very involved when raising our kids. Not so much now. My wife would have no problem if I quit.... did that years ago right after we were married and she survived for 10yrs going without me. I was re-activated after 30 and then our family came along. She was a Regular Pioneer for over a decade while raising kids and holding down part-time work. I served as an E during this time.

    A lot of sh*t started hitting the fan when our kids were in there teens. Our kids were fine but they along with us started seeing the hypocrisy and double standards practiced in the cong with other families in the lead. When standing up for what was "right" then the ostracism started. It is a long story but it just boiled down to personalities, nepotism and a bunch of drama queens. This resulted in one of our kids being disfellowshiped after seeking friends outside the KH.

    Neither of us our very strong now, (me especially) due to health reasons on my wife's part and my cooling off. We have a very large family still "in" and for this reason I am proceeding cautiously. I wish to spend the rest of my days with my wife and don't want to see her stressed any more than necessary. She has never tried to force me to do anything I didn't want to and we are very open with each other. She does not trust Elders and has some doubts about JW doctrine but when it comes to Jehovah/Jesus/Bible she is as loyal as can be. We are both headed in the same direction I am just a little more advanced than her. I just want her to make up her own mind without feeling any pressure from me.

    The biggest thing I see in all this is letting your children get baptized. If I had it to do over again and they insisted, I would tell them that they cannot get baptized until they are out on their own. At least then they might have a more balanced view of what they might be getting into.

    (the "never grow old in this system" class)... lol for focus

  • DATA-DOG
    DATA-DOG

    HOLLA!!!!

    DD

  • Ignoranceisbliss
    Ignoranceisbliss

    Live in Midwest Still in as MS. Trying to reach wife, totally unsuccessfull so far. I have a happy life and I need to figure out how to leave without ruining that. I have been enjoying everyone's comments that are in a similar situation. Thanks for sharing!

  • monis1
    monis1

    my husband is now inactive, but still believes it and feels guilty about leading the "wordly" life we now lead. At first, i was like you. Going to the meetings was hurtful to me in the end. Finally i told my husband how i felt, not exactly all at once, but when the opportunity arose. He loves me, so he supported me in a way and told me to stop going if that is what i really wanted. i stopped right after that. He followed soon after.

    I would just say tell your wife how you feel. you will feel mucb better.

  • Crazyguy
    Crazyguy

    I just cant go and have not gone to a meeting for months 2-3 since the memorial thats all. Wifes completely delusional and i have several kids oldest being 14. Its Hell its all I can think about I keep thinking of ways to help wake up kids because i have given up on wife. I was going to DA and go to another church that at least does community work but decided not to thinking this would be less stressful on family. When i changed my mind i showed my wife 1 corinthians 13 something about love and faith and before all love comes first. She thought i was leaving her when i started waking up and for a time the relationship was bad but she was showing effort. Since not DAing the relationship got better for awhile but now its back to being like room mates with kids.

    I'm about to the end of my rope with her, she puts no effort into our relationship not even a gift or card on our aniversay a month ago. I will spend my time trying to get the kids to see the cult for what it is and on myself making me healthier mentally and physically. I need to stay with the wife for the my kids and not wanting to lose any time with them. But i am open to another relationship on the side (like i have time). I should of left her years ago after our first child, I saw then how i was completely ignored and she played house with the love of her life her daughter.

    She told me a while back that this winter she may go and get some anti-drpessents and i'm thinking of beating her to it and get some myself. Theres been plenty of times in the past were i wish i never woke up, but one can only get kicked so many times... I'm not sure but in hindsight I think I should of just DA'd at least she was asking me a few questions as she said to me "I cant believe how spiritual you have become while leaving jehovahs organization" . Now I think i'll do some comunity service volunteer work on the side. Something positive that my kids can see and maybe share in. One last thing me and the wife don't talk about anything much anymore, Did I mention this is Hell!!!

  • Darth Fader The Sequel
    Darth Fader The Sequel

    I am in a full blown fade and have been for quite some time although I wasn't fully aware of just how ridiculous/hypocritical this religion really is until the last year or so. I always had my doubts and mostly did whatever I wanted to about 90% of the time anyway (even though I have always managed to stay out of trouble and respect myself and my own moral compass). I quit turning in FS time many years ago when I realized just how phony and fake the entire charade of busy work "preaching" is. I have never stopped sharing what I do believe in with people who showed interest in having a respectful conversation about faith. But "preaching" is obnoxious to me.

    My wife is a wonderful human being who is a person who is a pleaser and always wants to do what she thinks is right. She likes to follow "rules" even though she is not a hard ass, uptight or pushy about things with others. It is the way she was raised. She had horrible parents who are duplicitous, selfish, abusive cunts. We have nothing to do with them even though they are JW's. It is truly a miracle that she turned out to be such a lovely, loving, kind, respectable woman/wife/mother.

    But! Although I have spoken with her about nearly everything I know about TTATT, and she has to agree with 98% of it..... she still is hanging on to the comfortable notion that we stay involved in the JW's because she feels it is good for us to be grounded to something and she is also very much afraid of being ostracized even more by my extended family (Some of my JW family are genuinely good people who love us regardless. A lot of my JW family are self-righteous assholes that can shun with the best of them) and some of our friends who will, as usual, freak out if they ever knew we "were not regular and faithful".

    So, I will continue to try and improve myself and be the best husband I know how to be. Keep us as happy as we have always been. Don't do anything stupid to jeopardize anything and wait it out until my wife can see with 100% clarity what we are dealing with here. She will, eventually.

    One thing for sure...... I do not want my young children growing up with the institutionalized guilt and fear that my wife and I were raised with and still haunts us everyday. I will not comply!!! Nobody messes with my kids.

  • disposable hero of hypocrisy
    disposable hero of hypocrisy

    I'm with y'all..

    Still in. In body only. For the missus and a parent. When the parent passes, I reckon I'm out.

    The missus knows I have doubts, the elders know too (long story ) and I'm not ALLOWED to talk to her about them, as that would be looked on as trying to take her faith away. Ridiculous. The thing is, she doesn't seem to WANT to talk about anything spiritual at all. As soon as she does though.......

    I'm viewing meetings as "supporting the missus in her hobby" as if it were a knitting club she was nervous of going to by herself. I think she's getting that message too!

    I feel spineless at times, butI think the long game is worth it for me.

  • DwainBowman
    DwainBowman

    Yep, wifes still in, wants us to pioneer next month : (

    Dwain

  • wannabefree
    wannabefree

    Crazyguy ... your post is a mirror of me, i had to double check to see if your IP sign wasn't my own LOL (in a painful sort of way). Like roomates is exactly how I describe it too. The past two years nothing on our anniversary from her. I did the flowers, the card, tried to take her out for dinner. For me, our relationship unfortunately started down this road a long time ago, except as a believer, I just figured I would hold on, JW's don't split up, the New System™ would be here Soon™, everything would be blissfulness then ... now that hope is gone.

  • oppostate
    oppostate

    My wife continues to be very loyal to the WTB&T$ although I've tried sharing TTATT with her several times.

    These times when I push for some critical thinking usually result in big blowouts followed by make-up sessions that often involve strenuously involved and hot marital relations.

    I wish the blowouts weren't part of the equation.

    I love my wife and do not want to lose her to the WT.

    I've gotten some feel good revenge by sending eye-opening TTATT web page links to elders, pioneers, publishers and especially those newly studiying whose email addresses I can get my hands on.

    Of course I get an unassuming and theocratic user names like [email protected] .com or [email protected] .com etc. with one of the free email providers.

    If you share a computer with your wife at home it's always good to have separate usernames and password them.

    Keep at it, if you can help anyone else open their eyes to TTATT

    then being stuck in but acting like an undercover TTATT agent to help others may bring you some satisfaction.

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