Roll call of those of us stuck in for our spouse or whos spouse is still in!

by BU2B 62 Replies latest jw friends

  • villagegirl

    She will be asking her daddy questions about JW things and I cannot decieve her little mind, yet if I answer honsetly, she will see the division between me and my wife, make a big issue of it and of course this will start a mini WW3. So If I am dishonest with her, the peace continues but I suffer from supporting the JW falsehoods and I will feel like scum for that. If I am honest with her it will bring out JW momma bear and I will be the target. BU2B

    Wow !!

    BU2B - ? I am confused by the lack of concern your wife has

    for your feelings. My "momma bear" do you mean she controls

    people, her family, through rage and anger ? I knew a woman

    like that, she would go from a hysterical rage to sobbing, back

    and forth rageing and then sobbing for hours. It was mind numbing

    to all around her, and the trigger would rarely be predictable, so

    everyone is on pins and needles around her. I don't know if you

    are in the United States or whether the laws where you live will

    protect you rights to your own children, but find out. Don't be

    threatened by this woman. She is more vulnerable than you are,

    because she has an infant, she is not going anywhere with a 2 month

    old baby to take care of. Think about it. Tell her you are exhausted

    and that you both need more rest for your health and that means

    no nights out, and weekends off and quiet family activities.

    Ask her some questions, she may even have doubts she is not

    sharing with you, herself. She may assume the WT will keep you

    "faithful" and that without the meetings you would go off the rails

    and cheat on her and "go wild". This is the message the WT indoctrination

    is constantly telling her. Fear. Fear of chaos without the meetings, that

    without the "organization" there is "no where to go", and you will be

    taken over by the "world" she may see it as safety for her.

    Try to use scripture to show her, she needs to listen calmly and

    take your opinions and concerns to heart and keep what you tell

    her confidential. You need to get closer to this woman, she sounds

    like a complete stranger, that you are living with, and afraid of.

    You guys seem to be sleeping with the enemy.

    Try working on real emotional and intellectual intimacy, intimacy

    is not located between her legs guys.

  • Phaedra

    Also trying to hear from those who have left, but whose spouse has stayed in the WT and in the marriage.

    *raises hand*

  • BU2B

    villagegirl- To clarify, when I said "momma bear" what I meant was this: My wife fully believes in the paradise earth, living forever without dying, and loves her children very much. She wants to share life everlasting with me and them, but If I am not around she still wants to live in paradise with them. She believes the only way in is to stick close to the WT, attend the meetings etc.. If I with my "apostate leanings" am there, I become a threat. If I can be successful in giving my daughters an alternative to WT life and they do not get baptized and they do not believe in the FDS, then they will not "get life".

    To her it is as real as a mother bear when there is a threat to her cub's life. She goes into action. As an apostate, I would be threatening (in her mind) her childrens spiritual life now, and physical life in the future. She has told me before that she will get life for her and her child, with or without me. A tragic mindset isnt it? Even though I was raised in this cult, everyday seems like a bad twilight zone episode.

    As for everyone else, I am so sorry for your sad situations, and I can truly say that I get it and I am in the same stinky boat. I think about all of the others in our position. A gung ho spouse and the other may not know TTATT, but does not want to do it anymore but feels compelled to. I think about all of the Mormon marriages where one wakes up to it being false and is married with a die hard LDS spouse and many kids... Or a Scientologist in the same situation.. Or worse, if you are in a fundy Muslim group that will LITERALLY KILL YOU if you leave (honor killing) My heart goes out to everyone in our position.. Hang in there guys, its got to get better.

  • stuckinarut2

    Add me to this "roll-call" list.

    Many of you already know my story....

    It just gets so tiring playing this 'straddling the fence' game all for the sake of family.

    It amazes me that relationships are supposed to be based on honest, open , sincere, communication...shared thoughts etc...

    But that is the very things we CAN'T do in the situations we are in!

    So sad!

  • suavojr

    BU2B said:

    For me it comes down to my own mental anguish […] I am sensitive to how she feels […]If I am honest with her it will bring out JW momma bear and I will be the target.

    If our spouses new how much we truly love them… I love my wife to the extent that I do not care if she wants to stay as a Witness, or become a Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, or just simply stop believing in these fairy tales. The ONE THING that bothers me is, that just because I don’t share her beliefs I am marked as the enemy, the villain, mentally diseased, crazy, worthless human being, sleazy and an evil traitor of her god and family.

    The manipulation of the GB is overwhelming and our families just don’t see it because they don’t want anyone to take away their precious dream of everlasting life in a JW.ORG paradise. I do admit that I used to be the same way, I would have shunned anyone who was labeled an apostate or weak in “The Truth”, that single thought is what helps me keep going and trying to stay calm and never answer with hate or anger when I talk about spurious beliefs.

  • bigmac

    what a fekkin mess. i stopped reading after about the 4th miserable tale.

    my born in dub wife divorced me in 1981. best thing that ever happened to me. free of her and the cult in one quick surgical strike. no regrets.

  • suavojr

    Yes bigmac... it is a mess

  • TheListener

    Wife and I both raised in dubs. I'm out she's still in. We have kids. They are free but I really hope they stay that way as they age.

  • nancy drew
    nancy drew

    These are all very sad stories and the org is holding your families hostage and that's how it keeps going on and on despite it's lies and failures. Throughout history the fate of so called heretics has never been easy sometimes they were tortured and executed. The org will go on as long as it's fear tactics are effective. Do I think you should just walk out and let the chips fall were they may ABSOLUTELY. You might be surprised by the outcome but if you stay and raise your children there it will never end.

  • stuckinarut2

    All I am thinking is that we may all just have to roll the dice...and just see how things go?

    I mean, we have how many years of life left before we get old and die? So why waste them being miserable?

    I suppose if we rip off the bandages now in a quick decisive move, we may still have time to build and enjoy a happy life in the years we have left?

Share this