Discussion with some elders

by GoUnion 41 Replies latest jw experiences

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  GoUnion

  Hello everyone just wanted to relate a situation that occurred a few days ago. So I have quit going to meetings for a few months now based on some issues I have with the explanations of current doctrines. My wife is none too happy with this but over the last few months we have had some date nights and have tentitively agreed to disagree. When I bought CoC I told her what I was reading and explained I would not try to sway her opinion. I know she has some of her own disagreements but I am a firm believer in everyone making their own decisions at their own time.

  Before I told her this over the last year I have had several discussions with one or two elders about my concerns which I have enjoyed. I try to be honest at all times in expressing my concerns over inaccuracies and the effects these can have on people. The elders were obviously concerned but were never rude nor have I felt like they were defensive they merely try to highlight the aspect that JWs can only be the organization that is used.

  When I told my wife that I read CoC she told me she felt like she needed to tell the elders I was being influenced by apostate information, again she was not angry nor did we get into an argument. I told her if that is how she felt that's fine I am not one to try and hide anything. Well I met with the elders and I was surprised at the plesantness of our meeting at a coffee shop. my line of reasoning to them was I can think for myself, when making decisions it's important to see both sides of an agrument. the general vibe I got from our discussion was my thoughts and disagreemets are fine, but influencing my wife and others would cross a line.

  im not sure how I feel about all of this I don't think it's an intrusion on my life because if my wife wants to talk we will, she is not ready for that at this time. I also am not angry with the elders because we talked a Lot and I feel like any kind of a discussoon about life and what our purpose is is beneficial. Im just curious on your thoughts.
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  DNCall

  Welcome to the board.

  It sounds like the elders you spoke with were more open minded than many. I also sounds like your approach is healthy with regard to your wife. I would suggest following the elders' advice (wth the exception of your wife, of course). Just be prepared that if your wife begins to wake up and the elders notice, an investigation and, likely, a judicial meeting will follow.
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  Vidqun

  I am sorry to break the news. If you disagree with the Organization, you're out. Next step is a JC. The big question is then posed: "Do you believe the Organization (=GB) represents God's interests on earth?" If you answer in the negative, you will be DF'd. At the hall, the classic announcement: "So-and-so does not want to be a JW anymore," or somethng to that effect. From that moment on you will be dehumanized, as though you don't exist. I am sorry about your wife.
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  JustVisting

  Been down that road with similar heartfelt concern shown by the elders. They will not lower the boom unless they find out that you shared your feelings with anyone including your wife. As it stands, they will view you as spiritually weak and will treat you and your family with caution (no more dinner invites from spiritually strong ones). You will likely lose any "privileges" you may have like parking lot duty, microphone roving, foyer greeter, etc. In other words, you are now "persona non grata".
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  OnTheWayOut

  You may find yourself suddenly DA'ed or called to a JC over this, regardless of how the elders first talked with you. They will share with other elders and maybe the C.O. and could be forced/made to feel obligated to do something. Good luck.

  My wife and I have an agreement that she would not report anything to the elders, but leave it in my hands (and Jehovah's) as to what gets done about my faded situation. I doubt she will fully admit now that she agreed to be silent, but she has done so. I am sure she understands that reporting to the elders could be a deal-breaker in our marriage.
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  NVR2L8

  Welcome to the forum. Expect an official visit by 2 elders dressed in their suits with Bible in hand. Everything you say will be used against you at a judicial committee. In WT doctrine there is no room for doubt because they possess "their" absolute truth. If you disagree there's something wrong with you...you're either weak or an apostate. What will determine where you belong is how you will react to the help they will offer. Conform or desist.

  Edit: Just read OTWO's post and I agree with him as we are both in the same situation. My wife realizes that talking to the elders would be perceived by me as betrayal and it would be the end of our marriage. Right now things are going well between us and I'm sure she doesn't want it to change.
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  sir82

  Sounds like you happened to have this discussion with liberal, or lazy, elders.

  Per the elders manual, it doesn't matter if you don't try to influence others. The line is far before that. If you "stubbornly hold" to "apostate" ideas, per the manual, you are an apostate.

  If there are other less open-minded, or other not so lazy (don't know their own manual) elders on the BOE, you will be bounced soon.
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  humbled

  Ask yourself why you can talk to the elders about this stuff but they won't "allow" you to talk to your wife in the same way?

  On a different tack, while they personally may be genial with you as you talk to them, they will have to talk to the CO about this. This is a forbidden quest you are on.
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  jookbeard

  tread very carefully now Go, unless you really could not care about the implications of DFing and the shunning and grief that comes with it, I wished I had shown more sensitivity when discussing all things "apostate" with my wife and members of my family and friends in the cong, possibly refuse to meet with your elders , inform them you are doing just fine and if you ever need any help you will contact them. Your wife will be going through massive turmoil inside with your new found discoveries, she very likley would have met with these elders, they would be enforcing the point that you are a danger to her spirituality.
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  BluesBrother

  It sounds much like the discussions that I have had with elders in the U K, in more than one cong. They have left me alone and I have not "spread abroad " diverse viewpoints. At home of course we have talked for hours, many times . My wife is a diehard dub and harder to reason with than any elder I have met . She is also savvy enough not to repeat what I have said .

  It is a case of 'don't ask, don't tell' - so far at least ......