Cradle Catholic who finally read the gospels at age 28. Same year (1980) husband and l traveled from NWArkansas to North Platte, Nebraska in in a covered wagon with three children, a dog and 12 head of horses. Lived there three years. Returned to our rough Ozark acres with another child and 56 goats. Four years later came Witnesses a-knocking who insisted they had a record of peaceful neutrality and love for their fellow man. 1988 I got baptized in NWArkansas assembly pregnant with 6th child. I lived in the country with my husband and seven children. Husband hated the religion. We didn’t have running water (did have electricity) Our life was a little tougher than some other JWs in the congregation but most struggled. My husband got a teaching job when we just couldn’t make ends meet anymore. I was in a congregation in Webster City, Iowa for five years following baptism. I began to be troubled by the effect rigid rules had on people’s behavior. It choked out free flow of love . I especially hated the bloody image of God that the literature painted —actually painted. The account at Genesis 22 became a focus of personal research as it represents the impossibility of reconciling a loving God within the framework of the Bible as JWs taught it.(or any other church for that matter. We returned to Arkansas in 1993. I was still a JW. Had trouble with the lack of love and again the rigid rules. I told the brothers about my personal research of Genesis 22. The response that my study evoked among the elders and the response of Bethel revealed the fear that really governed everyone. I suffered a lot during the probation l entered in those months and ended it by complete renouncing membership. I recovered in 2013 from anal canal cancer(ouch!) and l have had a lot of violent things occur in my life because of other’s drugs and alcoholism. Two children had been baptized but left before l did. I am 66 years old as l write this in 2018. I am a spoon carver and l work toward healing the harsh realities that thousands of Arkansas children face when parents are incarcerated . I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican because they both are owned by Corporations. I am glad l outlived my capture. I miss certain great friends l had in the JWs but l fortunately don’t have any family held hostage. I feel bad for those who do. I love the teaching of Jesus whoever he was—don’t care about theology-and will never again join a church.