A big hello and thank you (page 5)

freddo

IWB

You are so lucky your wife is on board. Hopefully (for this exercise) no kids?

If you want to go with a bang then fine. If you are determined to leave but want to open eyes then take it more slowly at first.

But if you want to fade then drop the eldership first. Maybe in August so that a new CO who doesn't know you as a cobe will have arrived in September and the old CO will be tied up with leaving the circuit and not interested. You and I know that being cobe is no more of a higher position than any other elder but sadly many in the hall think differently and you will be in the spotlight more than any other elder.

Claim "stress" and "health issues" and drop the eldership straight away but stay as reg. pios. This shows humility of a rare kind. Then in three months drop the pioneering.

Then three months after that move congregations (not necessarily move home though) so your records move. Fade from the new hall over a six month period.

cantleave

Welcome. I was still serving as an elder when I joined this forum in 2009, you will find when you eventually step down it will be an enormous weight off your shoulders, and you will be able to exit far more easily. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

DesirousOfChange

You know, you go back and forth and feel like you are insane sometimes. We researched a lot, because our trust was shaken we took it slow.

Slow is better. DO NOT do anything rash or compulsive.

Millie: I have found that an excellent way to help with a fade when you have the positions you and your wife occupy is if there can be a stumbling event.

I agree completely with Millie. We too had an event that really did "stumble" us. We were shocked that someone who is prominent in the local Borg could get away with damn near anything, regardless of the evidence and the damage to others. We capitalized on the incident to "slow down" and eventually "stop".

Yesterday morning (Sunday) when it would have been time to prepare to go to the Meeting, I told my wife that I do sometimes really miss the "friends" and association that being JWs gave us, but on Sunday mornings like this, I really do not miss all the crap that has to be done to attend and sit and listen to all the BS they dispense. She replies: "I've not missed ANY OF IT since the first meeting we quit attending."

Some smart lady.

Great that the two of you are united in this. So many sad stories of people here who cannot awaken their spouse.

Doc

Brother Jeramy

iwasblind . . .

I can very much identify with your situation. I am curious, though, how have you thus far sustained your numerous and demanding responsibilities as COBE (both in terms of shepherding and administration) while at the same time carrying the weight of your strongly expressed doubts and conclusions about the Watchtower Society and individual Witnesses? And how much longer do you think you can remain as COBE under these circumstances?

ToesUp

Doc

"She replies: "I've not missed ANY OF IT since the first meeting we quit attending."

She is a gem! I told my husband the same thing. The reason your wife feels this way is because she knows the "friendships" are all conditional. Who needs them if that is the case!

Hang on to her, she's fantastic.

Oubliette

Welcome!

You and your wife have some serious decisions ahead of you and some hard work to do, but you will feel so much better once you're finally able to live an authentic, real life.

IWB: The July WT shook us, and because we have 40 yrs of indoctrination from childhood, it was a long time before we were fully awake.

A rule of thumb is that it takes a month to "deprogram" for every year you were in a cult. By that measure you have roughly 4 years of hard work to get yourselves straight. Obviously your mileage may vary, but most of us have found it to be a process--much like grieving, there are definite stages you both will go through. It sounds like you're well on your way.

The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief

Please keep us posted as to your progress and any challenges you face.

Oubliette

sparrowdown

If you want a hassle-free fade from your lofty position of cobe sorry that ain't gonna happen.

Don't feel the need to "save" as many as you can as you fade by turning them to "Jesus" that will only raise unwanted suspicions and besides it's not your job to "save" others. Reality check time: No matter how important you may have felt as a cobe you are actually a mere mortal.

iwasblind

Thank you all for your messages of support. I have been a bit emotional this morning reading and feeling the goodwill. I have answered as many as I could below before I started work:

truthseeker100 - we have been planning but just this week the door was openned for us to stop pioneering unsuspiciously. I will keep you posted on that. All I can say (sorry to sound preachy) but I have had a great deal of peace from God through this. In my deepest times of hurt and anger I have felt his presence get me through.

Ding - yes I thought even the May broadcast would wake people up but it is maddening to see people actually excited about it. We have to feel sorry for them.

LHS123 - thank you. Keep seeking Jesus and the world will open up spiritually. You will find we have been taught "they" are all starving spiritually and we have the abundance. You will find the opposite. I have learnt more in a 20min tele-evangelist sermon than at a whole day assembly. I will pray for you.

Magnum - looking forward to your PM

FayeDunaway - appreciate your comments. Yes in the last 2 weeks we have been in quite a negative place but thought that we would do the works of a true Christian while we are here. It's liberating doing things that you cannot put on a stupid report but that show true love.

Stan LiveDeath - Hi stan I totally understand people having bad feelings toward elders, especially with some of the bad stuff that has happened to them. I have realised that even some of the lunatics are still victims. Not making excuses for them or me, but I thought I was serving my brothers and sisters - I realize some are position focussed though. Thanks for not berating me :-). About calling me on it - it has started to happen - but if I get DF'd for preaching Jesus I am strangely ok with that - my fading plan is in place but I won't keep silent over things.

Freddo - great advice thank you

DesirousofChange - I am blessed to have a wonderful woman. Too smart for me. I see some who don't have a support base of anyone to talk to - we must pray for them. Honestly, this forum has shown so much support - I would have joined earlier if I knew.

BrotherJeramy - actually shepherding has been a saving grace. I do it with my wife and we share the truth about God's unconditional love. I agree with the borganizational stuff though, I can't give the details yet but I won't be cobe for long. It has had it's hard times but I managed to be away for about 3 months due to work so that has helped prolonge things too.

Oubliette

IWB: my wife and [I] share the truth about God's unconditional love ...

That's not something that you'll find much of among Jehovah's Witnesses.

They TALK about love being an identifying mark of their Christianity (John 13:35), but in reality, and by their BEHAVIOR and PRACTICES, their conditional acceptance of people is actually evidence that JWs are NOT in fact Christians.

Let's review: It's a cult!

TTATTelder

iwasblind,

Welcome. I too am still serving. It's a sumbitch. Lol. Being fully awake and having to go through the motions is torture sometimes. I take solace in the fact that I carry an understanding and level head into the elder responsibilities. I have protected a number of folks from overzealous elders. Not that it makes that much difference.

I can't bring myself to use phrases like "the truth" or "Jehovah's people" anymore. I am quite selective in what I say in comments or parts. Actually what I hate the most now is being assigned as reader (and yes elders are used as readers in my hall). I used to enjoy public reading, but you are obligated to say exactly what is on the page. Sometimes I literally cringe.

Be thankful your wife is on board. That is worth a million bucks easy. My wife is a slow work in progress. PM me if you want to compare notes. Take care.

-TE

A big hello and thank you

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