Have a look here... http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/adult/261179/1/just-gonna-say-it#.UjM_wnSwVRI
she is having no second thoughts about moving on...
breakup guilt
by fresh prince of ohio 92 Replies latest social relationships
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fresh prince of ohio
Sorry if i'm dragging this on ad nauseum. Just writing about all of this to get it off my chest as it seems to help.
Apparently i was just as caught up in being depended on as she was being dependent, as I lay awake in the dark, still, morning hours every day worrying (via very distressing mental imagery) that she won't make it without me. I feel this almost DESPERATE need to run back to her, just so i can know that she's ok and to protect her.
She had an eating disorder at one time in her life, for which she had to be hospitalized and treated. From what I've read, anorexia often occurs in women who had emotionally absent fathers, which she certainly did (her father is a very low IQ guy with a volcanic, childish temper and little ability to relate to people in normal ways).
I'm utterly haunted and destroyed at the idea that she will spiral down and give up. And beyond that, that said spiraling will occur partially from a crumbling economy or other circumstances beyond either of our control. I just want to protect her from all suffering. AND I CAN'T. I can't stand that I can't protect her from all suffering.
It's like she was my child more than my girlfriend.
And I can't stop worrying about her. I can say to myself all day that "she's an adult", "she'll be okay", "I'm not responsible for her well-being" but it doesn't seem to help much.
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losingit
oh jgnat! i love that analysis! my goodness, that is right on point as to what happens with co-dependent relationships. it's almost like being an addict. you know you need to move on, but you can't let go no matter how destructive it is. it is very difficult to break out of that mindset, but definitely worth it.
fresh prince of ohio-- you're going through withdrawal. give it some more time. then the poison will be out of your system and you'll be free. you weren't and aren't in love. the relationship is toxic.
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fresh prince of ohio
thanks losingit.
Today's mantra is "radical acceptance".
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Aunt Fancy
You received a lot of great advise. If you do talk to her, encourage her to get professional help. It is very possible that she is stronger than you realize when she is on her own. She made it without you for 36 years so I'll bet she can pick herself up by the boot straps and continue on with her life.
You won't be doing either of you any favors going back to her. She needs someone who is in love with her and wants to truly be with her.
Don't beat yourself up. Some relationships are just not meant to be and when you become so burnt out it means it isn't healthy. You both deserve to have a healthy one with someone you are in love with.
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fresh prince of ohio
Thanks AF. Beating myself up is one of my defining characteristics.
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FlyingHighNow
Calm-a down: breaking up has always been hard to do.
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fresh prince of ohio
I'm thinking about inviting her to couples counseling. I find that the idea of never seeing her again is just not sitting well and that we can work things out.
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perfect1
OMG fpoo- DUDE.
Reread your thread so you can hear what you are telling us, and yourself.
http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025
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fresh prince of ohio
That eharmony article is all about, 'here's how to FIX your co-D relationship' not end it.