Gay MS??

by andysmiles 65 Replies latest jw experiences

  • andysmiles

    Hello everyone, thank you for your time.

    About me, I am being raised in a JW family. All of my family expect for one aunt, who had left but not disfellowedshiped thankly, are in JW. My father is an elder and so is my grandfather. I am still at the post-leaving (???) stage and have only a handful of friends outside the congregation. I still have doubts but I still believe and it's a struggle. I was baptised in 2008. I auxaliary pioneer in the summers and am a so called "good example" in the hall. It's nice having everyone like me and look up to me, but the thing is I am gay. Or as they put it a homosexual. Yeah, how shocking! I knew even before I was baptised, but being ignorant and young I thought prayer and God would help me... many nights crying in prayer hoping for help to overcome these improper feelings and immoral desires. The next year, 2009, I told my parents. It was a stupid stupid stupid idea!! My father and mother were useless and didn't seem to care. Infact gaining their approval again was simple and in a few months I was their good son again who had conquered this sin by prayer. I've been with two guys whom I really liked but guilt and fear of being caught totally ruined those relationships. The last CO visit he told me that Jehovah has really blessed me and then two months ago I was appointed an MS. Yeah, a gay MS appointed by holy spirit... how can this be possible?!? It shocked me, honestly at first when the elders called me in I though I was going to be found out. It's awful seeing many in the hall date freely and they even mock gay actors. When we had some from the hall for supper all the older men talked about how digusting it is that "homosexuals can marry now."

    I am hoping for some support, to get to know you better, hear experiences and maybe someone can explain to me how me a sinner was appointed by holy spirit to be an MS.

    Thank you :)

  • gma-tired2

    Welcome I am the mother of a gay ex JW. The brothers never realize the damage they do with their loose talk.. Go on with your life and accept your sexuality. DO NOT marry as will be suggested it doesn't help you or anyone. Best wishes Andysmiles. My son pioneered up to the day he confessed to being gay and was df'd. He says coming out was the best thing he did for himself.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Hi AndySmiles, Welcome to JWN, where, when you state your sex preference, no one is shocked. (((Hugs to you Kiddo))) Just Lois

  • NeverKnew

    My thought?

    Welcome and hugs to you! :)

  • andysmiles

    Thank you. :)

  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    HI Andysmiles, thank you for writing in. Hiding your true authentic self, feels terrible. I hope freedom for you in your life and happiness!

  • JWdaughter

    I understand that you're unsure what to do or how to feel about your position and you seem to be a bit ambivalent about the religion itself. Let that stuff resolve themselves in your life as need be, but I do second the person earlier who warned you not to marry. Whether to cure yourself or to repent or to try to "live right" even if you feel differently-just don't do that to another person or persons (children). They do not need to be drug through the turmoil that you will indeed face at some point. You can avoid a lot of heartache by refraining from that mistake. Your feelings won't go away, no matter how good a woman you find or how well you get along.

    This can implode on you and I would encourage you to build strong relationships outside of the org as well as begin to see a therapist/counselor of some kind to develop a strategy to overcome the challenges you will be facing. Build up a good career, good friends and other interests outside the organization. If possible, find a good excuse to step down from your position. That will just exacerbate the hassles eventually-you don't need any more.

    Get a long term strategy in place, gird up yourself and know that you have hundreds here who are rooting for you, if only because we know what you will be in for and we have a clue as to what you are going through already when you know you have a big issue to deal with that is currently unresolved.

    My best regards to you-I wish you only well.

  • joe134cd

    Although not gay myself. I am just amazed at how many come on here, with this issue. I kind of get the feeling that English is not your mother tounge.

  • Bob_NC

    Welcome Andy. I don't know how much it helps to know that many many people do not share the "condemn homosexuals" mentality. I am so glad to see the progression of gay rights so that gay couples can marry and have the same status as heterosexual couples.

    This from a straight man and former long time elder. Many of us feel no desire to say anything about who someone loves and how they express it.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I would encourage you to build strong relationships outside of the org as well as begin to see a therapist/counselor of some kind to develop a strategy to overcome the challenges you will be facing. Build up a good career, good friends and other interests outside the organization.

    That seems like real solid advice.

    1) Friends; relationships (NOT JW)

    2) Counselor/Therapist (You need it. NOT because you're gay, but because of what you've been forced to believe about being gay.

    3) Career. Life is a lot easier with money. It doesn't have to be HUGE SUMS of money. But being broke isn't any fun. Get an education where you can have a happy, successful life & future.

    NO ONE within the Org will be able to understand the dilema you face regarding your sexual orientation. They can't. It's not permitted. Homosexuality is an abhorrant sin. If you've been reading here for awhile, you should be aware that they are MANY here who share/shared your circumstances. Like Joe134, I'm always surprised how many gay-JWs show up here. It seems a much higher percentage than the general population -- but WTF do I now about that.


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