by toweragent 76 Replies latest jw friends
One older elder had a theory that he didn't necessarily advertise, but would talk about if asked. He thought (or maybe hoped ) that we would all be naked in the new system. This, since Adam and Eve only felt shame for their nakedness after they sinned!
NR
This wasn't at a meeting but a little while ago, I was texting a sister I went to high school and got into the borg. (She was born in but never took to it). While on the topic on depression, she said "Do you take medication? If so, what better medication is there than the spiritual food provided by Jehovah?" I was completely stunned. I responded "Break a leg and see if going to a meeting helps".
In my congregation we had this sister who lived in a nursing home and was exactly all there. She said about Soloman: "Soloman had 900 wives and the bible never said he divorced them. That's polygamy and thats illegal!!" This sister was known to make these wacky comments and I think most of us knew she was only called on to make us laugh.
We will all be vegetarians in the new system, but Jehovah will provide us with trees that can grow bacon. Magwitch please tell me that's a joke, if not, that's in the Official Top Five list of the dumbest things a Dub has ever said and Lord knows that list is endless !!
A bethelite brother made the comment that he doesn't even watch nature programs that show animals killing each other because that is not how they were created by Jehovah to act.
Oh my God, that's classic, What Now?
""So an angel can kill 185,000 people in one niight but can't go "out in service" unless a JW does?
It will be hard to top that one......""
Well, killing, sure that is easy. But to try to get a worldly person with a brain to listen to a presentation made up on the way to the territory, THAT is hard.
During a public talk on marriage and the three chords blah blah blah, an elder with a particularly homely wife who wore the same dress every meeting made the statement....
"Brothers, if you want to be truly happy....marry an ugly woman."
On another occasion, another elder addressing specifically the youths stated,
"If and when you find yourself masturbating, remember there is a band of angels observing you"
And one more,
"How many times do you engage in sexual intercourse during the week? Surely your meeting attendance should display that it is more important in your life than having sex." (Most of the wives nodding in happy agreement)
" if the governing body says to paint the wall with peanut butter...then that's what I will do" (by presiding overseer elder)
Elder holds up a black bible and says " if the society says this bible is green..then we believe it brothers". (by service overseer elder)
The last meeting I attended the C.O. said:
"We don't think we have the truth, we KNOW we have the truth.
There were cheers coming from the audience.
I left never to return.
some of these are priceless as in pricelessly STOOPID! the one about us all being naked in the new system i have heard from many sources - also all vegetarian....no cars...i do remember one sis speculating that we'd be able to change partners and have sex with different people - don't know where she dreamed that one up.......
but the judge's 'who'd want to get stuck with a stack of bones and a hank of hair' was indeed a classic.......
