My Son and I have about 5 Months Left (page 5)

jwfacts

I'm sorry to hear what is happening, it is heart breaking.

Instead of telling him why you left, try asking why he is in it. Try to get him to see that it is not the doctrine, or the brotherhood, but because he was born into it. Say that if you and his mother were Mormons, he would still be a true believer, but in what Mormons teach. And if you had left the Mormons, he would be looking down on your decision not to be a Mormon. Religion is a matter of birth as much as the language he speaks, and it should not be allowed to come between family.

No one ever made that point to me when I was growing up, yet I could never get out of my mind that I was only a JW by accident, and would never have converted if a couple of people arrived at my door offering magazines.

flipper

BAVMAN- I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I have two adult JW daughters who have shunned me now for almost 9 years who are 25 & 24 years old. It's a horrific experience that haunts you and unless you've been through it- a person really doesn't fully understand how it haunts you in your subconscious thought day and night.

But I agree with the posters who say to stay positive and to educate yourself about mind control tactics by reading each of Steve Hassan's 3 books. I believe that is a must read for anybody who has exited the cult Jehovah's Witnesses. And as 00DAD stated , his books have very good ideas of what to say to your son and how to say it in a manner that won't offend your sons JW personality or cause him to withdraw. There are ways to do this in 5 months time. But you need to be careful. Don't trigger his JW defenses or he will put a wall up and you won't get through to him. Good luck to you, keep trying and we will be here as a su[pport to you, O.k. ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper

wasblind

He said he respects my decision to leave the religion but in his view he will have to drastically limit his contact with me.______bavman

He doesn't respect your decision, because was taught not to. that's why he is breakin' contact

Try and relax. At 18 years old, very little is set in stone

jgnat

Eighteen year olds live by ideology, not having a lot of experience. Experience can be a great teacher, taking the edges off lousy life theories. Here's a couple ideas.

Make it abundantly clear that you see no reason not to keep seeing each other. You want to keep seeing him regardless of your differences.
Work on the empathy, if he had a son who no longer wanted to see him, how would he feel?
Suggest a "test run" before the five months are up. Let's go cold turkey for a month and discuss the emotions that went on during that. My idea is that you give him a chance to build up some experience before he is stuck after the deadline with no way to talk to you about how he feels.

Expect some anger. That's part of the grief cycle and young men tend to get angry when they think that people haven't lived up to their expectations. The shocker is when they find out that they are equally flawed and in need of forgiveness.

DaCheech

unlike others here, I say fight "fire" with "fire"............. DO NOT SEND HIM ANY $$$$$$ and see how he will beg later when his "pioneer" or "whatever" backfires on him!!!

DaCheech

unlike others here, I say fight "fire" with "fire"............. DO NOT SEND HIM ANY $$$$$$ and see how he will beg later when his "pioneer" or "whatever" backfires on him!!!

scotoma

Some people need what JW's have to offer. They may need the illusion of security for a confusing time in their life.

Give it two years. People usually take a couple years to work through personal turmoil. If he doesn't start moving back toward you

in two years - then you have to respect his decision.

Adolesence is all about establishing your pesonal identity "in opposition to one or both parents."

The real self is found later.

Is your son more like your side of the family or your wifes side of the family. There is usually a strong hereditary component to the direction they take.

ruderedhead

That makes me sick to my stomach. I truly hope you can make some headway in planting seeds of doubt over the next 5 months. There are quite a few good suggestions you have been offered. You know what most likely will work for you. And he may love his little sister too much to not have contact with her. Little ones can have that effect on us! All the best to you!

Rudered

BlindersOff1

PMed you Bavman

gma-tired2

This is because a religin does not llow the teaching of blood being thicker than water, I found blood (family) being the most important in my life. Keep him close to yur heart he is just now growing into the years of making decisions for his own life. Little sister ids going to be a strong pull. Good luck I can now use this everyday statement

My Son and I have about 5 Months Left

Share this