Im a non JW and i'm interested in a JW

by littlebigtown123 61 Replies latest social relationships

  • garyneal

    Well, there you have it. The general concensus is to run.

    I wasn't much older than you when I married my JW wife. When she and I was dating I remember a lot of peculiar things compared to the other girls that I dated. However, I dismissed a lot of it since I was an IFB and recall how we had very similar hang ups. But I was still surprised at how her own mom went and reported her to the elders due to our dating. How the elders threatened her mom that she would lose her privelege to pioneer because of our dating. How the other witnesses in the area were watching her and I when we were together, all under my nose. How her JW friends were treating her differently because of her dating me, and how her dad said that she was 'lowering her standards' because she was dating me. Most people I encounter at least gave me a chance and got to know me first before judging me to be a bad person.

    If I had it to do all over again, I would certainly think twice about it. I am sorry to say but my overall experience with the witnesses has taught me that they are some of the most hypocritical people I have ever met. They judge you to be bad people because you are not in their little cult or because you celebrate the holidays. Meanwhile (at least as far as the witnesses I know are concerned) they want you to pay them money for any favors they do for you but won't offer a dime in return for anything you do for them (and they tend to ask a LOT from you). They won't vote or have anything at all to do with politics or the military (Satan's system) but are perfectly okay living off disability, social security, welfare, or a spouse's military pension (or their own if they were in the military in their 'former life') living off Satan's system.

    During the early years of our marriage, I was astonished at some of her ways that was inculcated in her by this religion. Every year when she and I celebrated the holidays she would say things like, "I am going to die because of this, God is going to kill me for enjoying this." She equates celebrating the holidays to doing things like getting shit-faced drunk in the bars or committing heinous crimes. It is totally assinine. She did not feel comfortable taking our young daughter to soccer practice because her religion forbids it. When she and I went to a church together, she said that the demons were in the church.

    It wasn't until I began learning more and more about this religion before I began to discover how dangerous this religion really is (and how equally dangerous other churches like the IFB churches were). Trust me, this girl's behavior that you are witnessing is a mere tip of the ice berg to the lunacy you will encounter if you continue to pursue a relationship with her. My wife and I have two kids together, read some of the topics I started on this board to get an idea of the struggles I encountered.

    Here are some doozies:

    Still want to get involved with this chick?

  • mariu
    But I was still surprised at how her own mom went and reported her to the elders due to our dating.

    Ohh, that brings back more memories. When my JW girl love interest suddenly came to me with an expression on her face somewhere between panic and embarrassment and announced:

    "You have been spotted!"

    Apparently, her brother (DF'd at the time!) had seen me at her place through a window and immediately went to the elders to report it. Within an hour or so, two elders showed up at her door for intense "counseling".

    This was before I had much of a clue about the JWs. It seemed so utterly bizarre and unbelievable at the time - and of course, it is! (I got a serious fit of anger back then and left with a loud slam of the door instead of a goodbye - but unfortunately, not for good. This was really the time when I should've gotten the message and never looked back...can you believe how stupid I was?)

  • Godsendconspirator

    Let me tell you a story of someone who was once in your position.

    As a teenager I was very shy. I had friends but meeting new people was tough. I met a JW girl. We would talk constantly from morning till late at night. I was shocked that I was able to have an interesting conversation with someone for 13 hours everyday! We instantly became best friends. One of my other friends was also very close to her. One day he kept asking her if I liked her. I kept denying it. He said that she admitted that she had feelings for me.

    So I asked her out that night.

    She broke down crying. She said she liked me too but she couldn't. She explained her stance as a JW and how they don't date outside of their religion. For months we had this weird relationship where we would try to be as close as possible (walking her to class, calling her at night, saying 'I love you') but without any physical contact. She brought me to a meeting and their memorial (kinda like easter) and I started taking interest. I started attending meetings twice a week and a bible study and I started to really believe in them.

    Well something happened in her family so I let her have her space. I didn't want her keeping our "relationship" in mind because I knew she had a bit of guilt of it and I figured thats not what she needed at the time. After a month she said she doesn't feel the same way about me and she was sorry. I lied and told her I felt the same and that was the reason why I wasn't around as much. I lied to make her feel better. And we remained friends.

    I continued to study. Fast forward a bit, went through depression, I was betrayed by some of the JWs, I forgave and kept on, almost killed myself. And one day while sulking thinking why I wasn't happy when I "should be", why all my friends who are in college seem to be doing great if college is so bad (at least by JW standards), I was on the internet and found some information. I forgot what it was but I remember being confused and deciding that if this was the "truth" I shouldn't have any problems doing research. I have always said that I believed that JW's had the truth. If mormons had it I would study with them so I decided I needed to be fair to myself in this and do as much research as possible.

    It wasn't the truth and I realized they were the cause of my depression and I needed to get the hell out.

    If you want to be with this girl (similar to my case, she was my first love), I suggest you give up. She's not going to go out with you unless you are baptized (which takes years [I did it in 2]), have a full time job, and of course thats if she agrees as well (JW's are encouraged to be single so they can do more for Jehovah).

    I loved this girl for years and I had to give her up. It may be tough for you right now but it's a lot better than wasting years of your life and then deciding to quit and having HER shun you (because of THEIR policy) and everybody else.

    At least right now you can still talk to her. That's probably as far as you're gonna go but still better than anything else you're hoping for.

    BTW, JWs need a chaperone whenever they go on a date and no touching (including hugs and kisses)

  • Fed-up

    Hey dude...

    Where do you see this going? It won't be casual, or simple. There will be a huge amount of drama. I'm sure she is a very nice woman and very naive. You're getting involved in something very complicated. Listen to the warnings from the other posters...they're valid.

    Figure out why you're attracted to her then find a woman who doesn't have the baggage of one of Jehovah's Witness who is going to college, flitring with you, hot then cold. She has no idea what she's doing. The "religion" teaches you are going to be destroyed by Jehovah if you don't accept the religion...hook line and sinker.

    It's not worth it. You'd be signing up for years of drama. Are you ready to be one of JW's for the rest of your life? You will be hounded and recruited by everyone and their dog till you are.

    If you pursue this come back to this site 2 years from now and re read the posts. You'll see what we are talking about.

    Smart people learn from their mistakes. Wise people learn from mistakes made by others. Be wise.

  • okage

    the first time i went to church was for an apostolic girl. i wasnt in class as i had already finished school. but she was a coworker. other than that little difference i lived the story you described.

    it started out being a means to get closer to her but to do that means knowing what she knows in the way she knows it.

    the apostolic religion believes in chanting and speaking in tongues. they start and end each service with loud music and shouting and overly emotional outbursts. i couldnt go to one service without half of the congregation in tears.

    it got to the point where i thought something is wrong with me because i couldnt show that level of emotion to god.

    the thing is that in high control groups and cults the doctrine is designed to corrupt. studying the way she studies will make you feel the way about the cult doctrine the way she feels but if you dont believe it you will be at war with yourself.

    i became a well versed agnostic because i couldnt believe like her.

    and you will eventually find out she is a horrible person because of the group and you will never get the attention from her or the privacy you hope for because her time is designed to be organization property.

    she wont be worth it and you will feel like your identity needs to be questioned from the toes to the scalp.

  • perfect1

    get out of her my people.

  • howdy

    RUN FORREST..RUN!!!!......sorry that was the first thing that popped into my head...I should have a more sound answer for you but I jusy got done reading the metally ill thread.

  • Chariklo

    Run like mad and never look back.

  • GLTirebiter

    Please read Facts about Jehovah's Witneses. It is written from an evangelical viewpoint, but it accurately describes the history of the Watchtower organization and their major teachings.

  • MrFreeze

    Do not ever join a religion for a girl. It works out for maybe 0.01% of the people who try.

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