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by Defianttruth 52 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Defianttruth

    I would like to thank everyone who is a part of this community. I have been abused by this billion dollar evil religion since I was born. I am now in my late thirties and have been battling depression issues over my former abuses by this nongoverment organization. I find deep solace in being able to come here and be among former members as myself.

    I was raised dirt-road-poor in the Southern United States in the famous Bible Belt. My parents were southern hippies who became Jehovah's Witnesses in their early twenties. I had an awesome childhood for about the first 6 years of my life. I was raised in a very rural area that came equipped with my very own Hundred Acre Forest. I would spend almost everyday exploring the woods by myself. It truly was a magical time for me. At the age of 6, my elementary school sent a letter home saying that I excelled in academics and should be evaluated for advanced placement. My parents who never took an interest in me reading replied "Academics were of no concerned for us because the end was near and we would trust in Jehovah for the education we received." At the end of my First Grade Year, I was reading on a 6th Level. My parents did not allow me to go to Kindergarten because at the time it was not mandatory. I do not remember, but I may have taught myself to read before I went to school. It was at this point in my life that everything changed. I remember reading Deuteronomy 18:22 and thinking,"O my God everything they are teaching is false. I don't know if you have ever kept a 20 year secret, but it is a weight no child should have to carry.

    My parents were both Jr. High drop outs with my father having a very bad case of dyslexia. When it was discovered that I was academically gifted, my father pinned all of his Super-Bethalite-Pioneer-Elder-hopes on me. I honestly think he wanted me to be the JW elite he could never become. It was like a switch was turned on and I was beaten severely for noncompliance until I out grew him in my teenage years. Notice the word beaten was used here, not spanked there is a difference. A spanking is when a child is popped for bad behavior. I was beaten with a leather whip until I was rendered unconscious. I was not knocked out, but I was whipped with a light, high velocity strip of leather until my brain could not process the pain anymore and turned itself off. I can't tell you what it is like to live in constant fear of this kind of treatment for years on end. I would wake up from being unconscious and be read Watchtower Literature so my father could justify his treatment of me. I had two choices. I could be honest, or I could survive. I chose what I now consider to be the cowards choice of survival.

    In the 8th grade, I was asked to attend a private university with a full scholarship. My mother's answer was to trust Jehovah and not to rely on worldly understandings. In the wake of the attack on my mother and father's control on me, I was quickly shoved into baptism as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I've seen people here before state any disfellowshipped person is in their situation because of a choice they made. I get infuriated when ignorant people of the cult post such comments of huge ignorance. I've been knocked out for untied shoes. As a child am I supposed to tell this man his main focus in life is horrendously evil? I shudder even at the thought of this. I was forced to join this cult. I never had a choice.

    At the age of 16, my PO asked me to go to the gym and help him work out. He was a great guy and we would spend about 2 hours a day working out. During one of these workout sessions, I told him about my disbeliefs. He was so awesome and was completely nonjudgemental about the whole situation. He told me to pray and ask for help. He never told my dad. I was so thankful to have a balanced adult man in my life. I still love him for it. He sobbed like a baby when he disfellowshipped me. I really miss him. The good news is I went from 120 pounds to 200 pounds in two years. One day at 18, my dad tried to hit me. I grabbed his fist and neck slammed him into the floor with a warning to never touch me again and he never did. The abusers of little boys need to remember one day they will grow to men. I could have crushed him, but knew that I never wanted to be the kind of man he is.

    After I finished High School, I took a scholarship offer two hours away and started my strategic fade. It was against my whole family including my grandparents, siblings, parents, and cousins that I attended college. I had a great time in college. It was nice to be in an organization with reasonable standards. I still am pretty socially awkward, but getting better. My fade was going as planned and everything was going my way for about the next five years. I received a BEE (Electrical Engineering) from Purdue and started working on my Masters In Physics from FSU. I had a wonderful time and met a beautiful young woman whom I knocked up a few months later. When word got back to my local family that we were pregnant the word flew like wildfire and the elders soon found out. I was called in from 8 hrs away to be disfellowshipped. I didn't think of it at the time but it has really gotten to me in the last few years. I didn't get to see my grandparents before their deaths and I missed the births of my siblings children. I haven't spoken to my family in ten years. It is like they all died. I really wish I could reconcile with my father. I feel I need to before he dies. I've lost every family member I have ever had and every friend I grew up with. The pain is astronomical.

    The good news is the young woman I knocked up and I have been married for 8 years and have two beautiful children together. I love her with my whole heart, but she doesn't understand the pain I feel from my life of abuse from my parents and my "cult". This website helps me when I see others who are in the same boat. I went on to get my PhD and started my own business doing engineering. I've helped design stuff from satellites to cell phones and cars to airplanes with everything in between.

    Ive decided to become a member of the JW Net community and to try to help others as myself. I plan on "silent resistance" once again. Its time to have some fun.

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    Welcome! Let me say first off that choosing survival over honesty isn't cowardly, especially when it's a child making the choice. I am glad you survived and that your life is good. I understand the desire to reconcile with family who show no desire to let you in. Stories like yours make me so sorry I ever got involved with the borg, and exposed my children to that life.

  • Think About It
    Think About It

    Welcome to the place where people understand.

  • dazed but not confused
    dazed but not confused

    Wow incredible story. Thanks for sharing. And Welcome

  • mrsjones5

    Welcome to the board.

  • Defianttruth

    I don't blame my parents. I think of them as ill-equipped adults who were lied to. I think they were people living in abject poverty who were the lowest of the caste. The religion offered them away to no longer be at the bottom and to have an excuse for their failures. In a crazy way, I still love them. I think it would be unnatural to not have feelings for my parents. I see them as victims worse than myself. I was able to escape and they are trapped in their ignorance. I wish them the best and would love to see my brothers and sisters again. It's been so long.

  • frankiespeakin

    Welcome and wish you the best in your healing process.

  • MsD

    Agreed... That is one incredible story! It's sickening how your family treated/ treat you. If my father treated me that way I'd want nothing to do with him. He doesn't deserve to even have a relationship with you. Just a sick, sick individual.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hello DefiantTruth and welcome to the forum. Yours is one extremely powerful but very sad story. Thank you for sharing it. I am so sorry that your father was so very cruel to you and on the basis of being god fearing as well. Truly shocking. What a fine attitude of forgiveness you have in your heart. It's a joy to read that you found love and now have a family of your own. I look forward to reading your posts here and I hope sharing your pain will help you as much as it has helped so many of us.

    Loz x

  • NeverKnew

    "I don't blame my parents. I think of them as ill-equipped adults who were lied to. I think they were people living in abject poverty who were the lowest of the caste. The religion offered them away to no longer be at the bottom and to have an excuse for their failures. .... I see them as victims worse than myself. I was able to escape and they are trapped in their ignorance."

    VERY well said. I had a heart to heart and learned the story of my JW friend's grandmother whose mother was the reason for the entire family's involvment. In listening to the story, your words aptly describe what appeared to be a contributing factor for the involvement.

    A very warm welcome to you. :)

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