Hi guess i may have to introduce myself

by rickisteel 34 Replies latest jw friends

  • rickisteel
    rickisteel

    Hi im from the uk im 42 years old , i was brought up as a witness from birth to 12 years of age i left the meetings with my parents ,

    i had a wild youth was a bit of a rebel involving alcohol ,drugs , heavy metal and motorcycles , i was thrown out of home at 17 my sister was 14

    and was discarded as my parents remarried and neither of there new partners wanted us (baggage) , anyway by the time i was married and 21

    somebody spiked my pizza with lsd (cant remember the flavour ) and for the next 3 days i thought the world was ending , i called my dad and rambled some stuff to him ( cant remember exactly but the world was ending in my head) a little while later i got a witness call briefly , i found out where he lived and went and asked him for a bible , he suggested i have a bible study me and the wife took the offer and so it began again , i was baptised in 93 and went from strength to strength in the truth , aux pioneering , volunteered for everything , talks , cleaning , meeting parts etc was soon appointed and moved on giving public talks , assembly parts , shepparding calls etc , then in 1997 my wife fell down a kerb and damaged her cruciate ligaments several operations later and disabled ( by the way the brothers /sisters in the cong were great at this point ) my wife began to act odd 1n 1999 she tried to take her own life and over the next several years took 26 overdoses and spent much of her life in phychiatrict hospital in 2001 she was bi polar disorder type rapid cycling (not the common oh i feel a bit low type bi polar but the full blown rollercoaster ride bi polar) . the thing that struck me was i began to feel like a leper and despite a couple of close friends nobody in the cong or on the circuit( long time friends) seemed to care , i brouht up the kids on my own visiting my wife in hospital and caring for her at home , i felt so alone , when i used to take the kids to the meeting / assembly on my own i just got tutts and sad headshakes "she not come" ? my reply ussually " no shes not well, she is in bed" which she was , the lack of help weighed down on me i thought i could deal with anything and pushed on , thats whe the dreaded Deppression got me ( clinical deppression) i was still serving etc busy , one day i walked into a shop bought a packet of cigs and started smoking (i didnt want to smoke it was a cry for help) the j.c was soon arranged i was deleted reproved but told them i wanted to die , no help was given me i was made to look small and belittled in the j.c by an upstart elder newly appointed , i wasnt d/f but restricted etc so in 2002 i walked away from it all , i dont have a hatred for the organisation i just lost faith in it , my wife attends the very occasional meeting and gets a kingdom ministry , and sometimes gets the mags (if they can be bothered to bring them) we dont celebrate holidays (not sure what to do about that one yet) i still believe in a creator , but not sure where im headed yet .

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    Hi Rickisteel,

    Welcome to the forum.

    There are quite a few Bris on here and a strong secret support group on Facebook (PM me for details). I am in Hampshire, I left coming up to 4 years ago when I was 42, I was serving as an elder and was a pretty good, mostly believing JW up to that point.

    It sounds like you have had a rough ride. It will take some time to findthe best direction for you, but the first step is to mentally escape the teachings of the WTS. If you have not done so already I implore you to read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz and Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron. Again PM me and I will help you get these.

    Take Care

    Angus

  • bigmac
    bigmac

    hi ricki--welcome to the forum--i'm on the isle of wight--but originally from birmingham. ive been totally out of the religion for over 30 years now.

    i know cantleave ( above ) we met up again on saturday- at a reunion of ex jws.

    ive bumped up a thread listing lots of brits here.

    try to post more about yourself--this site offers a lot of help and advice.

  • Pterist
    Pterist

    Welcome, any flashbacks recently ? LOL

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Welcome. My mother is bi-polar and I have other relatives who are Schizoprhenic. I hope your wife has found stability. Boy, she has been on a long, rough road and you have stuck by her through it all.

    Do you have any opportunity for R & R?

    You've left the society or rather the society has left you and the best way to go is to have a new support network to rely on and a chance to reflect on the meaning of life, what is really true, and so on.

    But of course, you have not had the luxury of personal time or reflection. Too busy being a single parent.

    This board is a good way to bounce off thoughts and ideas, and to get a "virtual" sort of support. My wish is you find new people to befriend, close to where you live, that you can rely on.

    Your parents, and then the WTS, have not proven to be the loyal, "stick through thick and thin" type. You are. I'd like you to find more people like yourself.

  • Ding
    Ding

    Welcome!

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    Welcome to the board.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    Welcome aboard. There is so much sorrow in your post. People here on the forum may understand well, but please seek professional counseling. You carry such a load. Your venting here is good, so think of how venting directly will help you.

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice

    Welcome from a fellow UKer. I'm in Cambridgeshire area.

  • Vidiot
    Vidiot

    Well, no, you don't have to...

    ...but it's always nice.

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