Multiple Abuse ... (page 7)

talesin

rebel

Yah, I tried too, with the same results. The only example I knew was that of Sybil, from the book.

Quandry

Really! The happiest people on earth!

You are so right that it is important to look forward, and not dwell on the past. The past needs to be dealt with before one can live in the moment.

Much damage is done when the secrets are kept, held inside to fester. Often, the telling of one's story can be like opening that festering wound and draining it.

Thanks for 'getting' the purpose of my starting this thread. This subject is one that needs to be discussed. I was thinking of how many are reading this forum, and living with the secret shame.

You need not be ashamed -- it was not your fault. This is why I tell my story, and thanks to all the others who have shared, and who may choose to share in the future. I do not encourage anyone who is uncomfortable to come forward. Seek professional help if you haven't already.

xo

tal

ohiocowboy

Rebel and Tal, that is interesting information about the enemas. I still try to figure out why I got them so often, especially due to the fact that I had regular BM's without getting them. As I mentioned before, it is one of the memories that I have carried with me, as it was so uncomfortable. I am left wondering if it could also be due to an Obsessive personality, which my mother had. Everything had to be spotless, and there couldn't be disorder anywhere. Everything had its place. I also know that sex was dirty to her, every time that my parents had sex, she would immediately get up to douche and shower. (I knew waaaay to much about my parents private lives) Anything to do with a "Penis" or other private areas would gross her out. Maybe that is why she was the way she was with the enemas, and that they were a cleansing thing. When she taught me how to clean myself, she would concentrate on my nether regions, and they would get scrubbed a lot more than anything else, and her facial expressions when it came to my penis was indescribable. I could tell that it was really gross to her, yet she would have me "Rub" her, knowing that I was so close to her own private areas. It doesn't make sense...

AdaMakawee, are you comfortable enough to discuss your experiences any further? If not, I can totally understand, as it is a very sensitive subject. If you do though it may help both of us and any others who encountered similar things to understand the why's. I would have never mentioned my experiences, but when you did, it made me feel better in the fact that I found out that I was not alone in that regard.

I feel so bad that others have gone through similar things. Reading some of the experiences makes my eyes water. I am sorry that so many have been hurt throughout their lives. I send positive thoughts and healing energy to each and every one of you.

Lady Lee

It is sad that there are so many of us who have suffered through multiple forms of abuse

Spiritual abuse - yes
Child sexual abuse - - yes by both family and non-family - some JWs, others not
Physical abuse - yes
Emotional abuse - yes
Neglect - yup - being sent to foster care and abandoned not once but twice by my mother both times for 3 years at a time
Spousal abuse - yes (although in both marriages there was no physical violence - it was emotional and/or sexual abuse
Financial abuse (yes there is such a thing) and yes to that
Spiritual abuse - yes
Political abuse - yes this happens and right here in Canada if you are an English-only speaker in Quebec.
Sexual assault - yes
Elder abuse - I'm not quite there yet and hope this one never applies

There is an element of emotional abuse in every kind of abuse. Emotional abuse teaches you that you deserve what is happening to you and that you have no power to change anything. Emotional abuse teaches you that you are lesser than others and that you have no voice. There is no where to go and no one who will help you. Emotional abuse keeps you rooted in fear and prevents you from making the choices you need to make to be free and stop the other abuses.

You cannot say "I was physically abused (or other abuse) but not emotionally abused". They go together. The only abuse that stands alone might be the emotional abuse but none of the others can happen without the emotional element.

rebel8

ohio...I am suspecting your mother was sexually abused herself as a child. The stories you relate...fit.

talesin

OC, that is certainly troubled, sick, behaviour, and as Rebel says, perhaps your mom was carrying it forward from her own abuse. It's one of the things that I find hard to deal with. Back 'then', there was no help, or recognition of the effects of abuse. Even though we KNOW it's not our fault, it's theirs... I can't help but feel some of the same empathy for my parents as survivors.

It's a difficult one, for sure. For me, it boiled down to choosing to let it go ... or never having them in my life.

For me, it's such a love/hate thing with both parents. As the decades pass, it gets both easier (they are sick and old) and harder (I am old enough to feel more outraged at their behaviours).

Lady Lee, that is a good insight, thank you. I never really thought of it in those terms, but it's so true.

Further to that point. Right now, for example, I am being abused by a doctor (in that he was denying I had a foot injury and said I was making it up), and there was nothing I can do about it. I still have to wait months to see a different specialist. It's been going on for over a year, and the physical pain I've been in has kept me in 'flashback mode' for a while now. The isolation of not being able to get out of the house / walk, has been overwhelming at times. It's been hard work, just to keep my head above water, so to speak, emotionally. After reading your comment, though, it makes more sense.

The medical abuse = Emotional abuse.

So a person who has power over me, is causing me a lot of pain... therefore, the flashbacks.

Ahhh, now that I 'get it', it will be easier to deal with. (having tears now,, thank you!)

:)

tal

Lady Lee

Enemas (colonic irrigation) were often used in the first half of the 1900s (and before) as a way to keep the colon clean. Even when they were no signs of constipation (it's primary use) it was believed that keeping the colon clean was important to treating fevers and stomach aches and a few other health problems. Now it is never used for those reasons.

I think one of two things many have happened. it was done to your mother and she believed that it was healthy or she was repating an abuse tactic on you. Either way it wasn't healthy and it was abusive.

And tal

medical abuse = the more common title = Medical malpractice and it is a form of emotional abuse

Now how did I forget to add that to my list of abuses? More than once I have had doctors negate my medical problems by saying it was all in my head. In reality they just are too lazy to actually find the cause of the problem. My most recent example of that, oddly enough, was also my foot problems and the Dr in the rehab center said I was making it up. Yea I just love all this pain so much I want more of it - years of it. That just shows their medical incompetency

Balaamsass

Soo sorry so many have undergone so much pain. Physical, sexual, and mental abuse wasn't uncommon in the "truth" and still is not.

Regarding the enemas, the "old timmer" JWs were taught Doctors didn't know much, and Russell had split off from the late 1800s Adventist Movements. Colonics were good for EVERYTHING. The Golden Age (Awake) had some wacky health hints every month. If you need a laugh, and want to try to reframe some childhood colonics, rent Mathew Broderick (Ferris Buellers day off) in "Road to Wellville" about the Adventist resort built by Kellog. You never think the same way about health food, OLD Time JWs, or Kellog's again.

AdaMakawee

Ohio, Tal and others,
Sorry, I don't get on here often, and I've been pretty sick the last couple of weeks, so I didn't intentionally ignore - actually the last couple of days I've been meaning to get back on here and see how this thread progressed.

As for the enemas, yes to a degree I can see this "colonic" thing, my mom was into naturpaths and didn't trust doctors either. But not that often, and it wouldn't explain being douched as a small girl. My mom knew what she was doing though in that regard, because she always told me the hymen could not be broken so that my husband would know I was a virgin. Later she would not let me wear tampons for the same reason. Never could figure that one out. I remember reading Sybil and thinking how similar things were.

PTSD for adults is, I think, a different animal from that experienced by abused children. At an age when you should be learning familial trust and bonding, and at a time when your bond with your parent is most important, at your most sensitive formative years, the people that should be loving and protecting you are the ones torturing, abusing, beating and otherwise harming you. That is a hurt that goes deep, and that you carry for a lifetime.

So many times I am so very thankful that I came out of this as well as I did. Friends and other family members battle serious addiction trying to forget this stuff. Me? I'm only obese, though I will say there are some serious medical conditions that have compounded that.

Ohio I remember talking to you as well and always enjoyed it. If you'd like to PM me I would be glad to share contact information.

Lady Lee, you have been very helpful over time in the advice and wisdom you offer.

((((huggs)))) to all survivors. Keep seeking out someone to talk to, and by sharing - you truly lighten that load you carry.

Love to all - Ada

flipper

TALESIN, good thread. Bump to the top

Violia

I sadly join the MAG( multiple abuse group). I have been in therapy longer than Woody Allen- for years I did not realize I was having body memories. I had no idea how ill I was. That is why I said therapy saved my life.

Multiple Abuse ...

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