New to this site. Scared, Lonely and in a lot of pain due to shunning by my family.

by wonder*woman 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • luna2

    I have not experienced shunning the way you are now so I can't speak to that pain. I do remember the pain I experienced when it finally sunk in that the WTS is not and never was the "true" religion. It was horrible to realize that I'd dedicated my life to a lie. I remember not being able to sleep and being so angry. I have no doubt that shunning is even worse, especially when it involves your parents and other relatives. I don't know if that pain ever really goes away, but like any other sort of pain, it does fade in time. Venting with friends (especially exJWs who know what you are talking about and going through), or here on the boards is one way to work through some of it.

  • moshe

    I hate it when the line goes dead -

  • Nobleheart

    Hello Wonder*woman,

    First, Welcome to this forum!

    I'm very sorry you are experiencing the pain and abuse associated with shunning, too. I can relate to it firsthand, and understand what you mean. It's a toxic situation and leaves us in need of so much support.

    Which is why I think you've taken a positive first step. You'll find much non-judgmental support and encouragement here from fellow humans who've been ‘scared, lonely, and in a lot of pain’ and have been able to live past the emotionally destructive predicament into happy & productive lives.

    I truly hope things get better with your family members as some posters have suggested from personal experiences.

    I’m also looking forward to reading from you again.

  • jwfacts

    Welcome. I look forward to hearing more of what happened.

    grieve over family who are still alive?

    That is how I felt at first. It was like my family had died, but it was impossible to grieve properly as there was always the hope they may come back. Over time things get better, a lot better. You will learnt to accept it, as there is nothing you can do to change it. Also, over time some of your family will realise that shunning does not work and you will not be coming back, and so they will try to have contact with you. JWs have high turnover, and some of your family and friends will leave and join you.

  • wonder*woman

    Wow!!! I can't tell you how pleased I am hearing from ALL of you. I feel better already, just knowing there are real people out there going through or have gone through this same pain. Thank You ALL from the bottom of my heart! I am excited to get to know all of you. :)

    My story is a bit of a strange one. I will try to explain it the best I can.

    I was actually trying to start a post to you all lastnight but right as I was typing.... MY mom called me. It's been 3 weeks since I heard from my mom. I was so nervous to answer, but I just wanted to hear my Mom's voice. We talked for about an hour. Alot of crying. Alot of preaching and begging to have me start another bible study to inform myself of the "LOST" spritual food over the years. I told her I was not second guessing Jehovah, I am second guessing the "organization." I told her I could never be a part of it because of the research I found on it and the fact that I am experiencing this "shunning" has done me in for good. Just the "shunning" in and of itself has justified for me my feelings on the whole religion. I was told by her that they are attending the convention this weekend and that she will call me on sunday. great! right after the convention, I thought.

    So... Just so you all know. I was NOT "disfellowhshipped" They just decided it was TIME to start shunning me. I have not been to a meeting in years! It all started from my sister who is 9 years older than me who started pioneering a few months ago. One day 4 weeks ago, She sent me an email about the United Nations new slogan. Can you guess what it is??? It's peace and security. My sister was chatting with me online and asked me what I thought about the email she sent me??? I respectfully replied..." I have my own thoughts and feelings on it." I did not explain to her my thoughts on it, I just simply stated that I had feelings on the matter. That night she went to her elders and BOOM! I was branded "APOSTATE" and dangerous. by Men who don't even know me. Just to clear up a few things... I got married at 19 years old to an AMAZING man who is NOT a Jehovah's Witness. We got married so young because once again I did it for my parents. He and I were planning on getting married anyhow but not that soon. We had a Death in the family at the time. My dearest sister was killed in a plane crash ... Alaska Airlnes flight 261 off the coast of california in january of 2000. Needless to say, It really hit us hard. So we married and started a family within 3 months of the crash. I started celebrating Holidays after our daughter was born. Not for my benefit, but my husbands family traditions. So I was fading away from the "truth" slowly and quietly. My parents knew of me partaking in holidays more and more throughout the years, but they just didn't really say anything because I was NOT going to meetings and I was not even involved with any congregation. So.. because I told my sister that I had my own thoughts on the UNITED NATIONS new slogan, And the fact that they decided to hone in on the holidays all the sudden... I have been labled an apostate and dangerous. So no official DISfellowshipping, but officially shunned.

    How is this love?

    once again... Thank you all for taking the time to read my story. It's a very short version of it of course. I look forward to hearing from all you amazing people.

  • Intel

    Dear wonder*woman,

    Welcome. A warm welcome. Actually it has been 20 something days since I posted similar words to this forum...(you can read my experience, we're all the same).

    The pain will not go away......but it will become "softer".....more the day....believe me....I've had nice days....and this forum is helping me to never forget why we are leaving the cult.....and filling our lifes with valuable things to think about.

    Here is an inspirational video that I love!!!!! Actually don't think about the person being his father.....people here will be your friends and others that are seeing what you are going through....even today I received a call from a wonderful new friend that is worried about me!!! He is not even "family" and is more concerned than my own mother!

    Enjoy (and others too):

    I will check back on you my dear. Hang on!!!! Please, life WILL be wonderful!!!

  • FlyingHighNow

    Shunning helped put my oldest nephew in the grave last September 19th. It does hurt. It will not hurt this much, always. One thing the WTBTS cannot take from us is our brother/sisterhood with each other. We all still share this bond. Welcome and I hope can draw the comfort and support you need here on JWN.

  • kazar

    Welcome to the forum. Don't despair. There are so many here who can advise and comfort you.

  • Velour

    Thanks for the additional information.

    I've only been out for a year, but from what I've read on here, the ideas on who's to be shunned and who's ok to "save" (still speak to) shifts. The laxness comes in waves. Right now, the organization seems to be in panic mode and everyone is to be feared and shunned. At this year's summer convention, even inactive ones are labled as bad association. In a recent WT article, those of us who have left the organization are called "mentally diseased" and what is more, WE CONTAGIOUS! So the walls are up high right now blocking out anyone who isn't smack dab in the middle of that organization, you're included in this.

    Having this information doesn't make the pain of shunning going away but being in the know helps you to cope and understand why these people are being so extreme. Do your best to enjoy the family you DO still have in your life ^_^ but don't be afraid to cry and vent here whenever you need a sounding board.

    *Sidenote: I'm so glad that your little girl has a caring mother and it sounds like a wonderful father. I'm glad that her young years won't be damaged by cult upbringing but that she'll be free to be herself and express herself without all the soul-sucking restrictions of that controlling organization.

  • mummatron

    Hi there! Big welcome to you.

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