New to this site. Scared, Lonely and in a lot of pain due to shunning by my family.

by wonder*woman 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • allelsefails

    Welcome and thanks for posting. I am still in so no "shunning" officially, but since people know i'm not at meetings or whatever thay treat me very differently. Like I have some plague or something.

    We understand and we accept you whatever you do or don't believe. We've been there done that in the pain department.

  • sizemik

    A warm welcome wonder woman . . .

    From another from NZ . . . yes, the WT tentacles spread everywhere . . . and have the same effect on us all. As a previous poster said, we are indeed a diverse group . . . from many countries and in differing circumstances, but one thing we have in common . . . the WT experience . . . and it brings us together in a very close bond of friendship.

    We differ in our views at times . . . but one thing we are unanimous about . . . and that is supporting each other and helping each other to heal and grow into better human beings than the WT ever made us. What you are experiencing is indeed painful . . . but you didn't bring it on yourself as the congregation would have you believe . . . this has been inflicted on you . . . and it's horrible and cruel.

    Stay with us . . . and take your time . . . you're in the right place.

  • RosePetal

    Hi WW welcome to the board, I am so sorry that you are in such pain, it made me cry to know what you are going through, you are in good company here, so many of us are feeling your pain and experiencing the abandonment you are. The organisation has stolen your family from you. You need support and understanding which is what these forums are for, to help us see that we are not alone and that thousands are suffering in the same way, when I first read all the stories of peoples experiences on the different forums, I was shocked and grieved especially the sexual abuse, I cried and was upset for weeks, I had no idea that so many were suffering and what was going on behind closed doors in the organisations so called Kangaroo courts.

    Although it did not take away from what I had experienced in the organisation over the years, it did help put everything into perspective.

    WW I have sent you a private message click on the little blue envelope at the top of the page, you may have to do this twice to recieve the message.


  • Curtains

    hi wonder*woman, welcome

    we can help with the fear and lonliness you are feeling as you can come here anytime day or night and you will find friendship and support - this I can promise.

    The pain due to shunning is a long slow process and I agree that it is like mourning over a death in the family. We can mourn with you.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Hi and welcome wonder woman. Why are your family shunning you (other than the fact they are JWs )?

  • dozy

    Hi WW - sorry to hear about your shunning.

    Like a lot of other posters , I'm not DFd or DAd but still shunned by my family. I'd be lying to say it doesn't hurt sometimes, but life goes on. You will find new unconditional friends outside the society who won't judge you on how many meetings you attend or how much time you spend distributing WTBTS publications. But inevitably you can't ever really replicate the lifetime of shared memories & experiences with family or former "friends".

    Focus on your immediate family - you might find that as time goes on , the external family shunning will wane a bit. Longer time posters say that the shunning tends to come & go somewhat depending on the tone of the latest Watchtower directive or assembly item.

    Also - never show your shunning family that you are hurting - it just encourages them that they are taking the right stand & that you will eventually come "back to Jehovah (AKA the WTBTS)". Living well & happily is the best revenge.

  • cantleave

    Welcome to this wonderful virtual family Wonder Woman.

    Shunning is not love, it never can be. It is a method of control to ensure compliance. It hurts!!!

    I had many "friends", people I grew up with, shared momentous occasions with, helped both physcially and emotionally when they needed it, friends that abandoned me because I no longer believed in their religion. Many on here can relate to that hurt, and understand how we feel.

    Let this be part of the healing process, for as long as you need it.

  • nugget

    Shunning is bullying. It is a way of holding your family hostage within the organisation whilst pressuring you to conform. It is meant to be painful, hurtful and cruel. It is a shock to us all when we realise that our families are not immune and that they will switch to shunning mode without giving it a thought. I had hoped that our shared history and blood would count for something and was deeply hurt when my sister was zealous in her punishment. It is one thing to regretfullly cut someone off and quite another to pursue it with relish and bully other members of the family to do the same.

    Your family are controlled it is as if they are drugged or sleep walking. They are behaving as they are conditioned to behave. Somewhere deep down there are real people but cult conditioning is extremely powerful. If they ever wake up to the madness they will be ashamed of themselves. Time is with you since there is no armageddon and no judgement. The annointed will continue to die and the organisation will continue to try to hold onto it's power. They are careless and arrogant and there is a greater chance that people will wake up I hope your family does remember all the time you are outside you are a refuge for them to go to, someone has to have the courage to go first but it is hard.

  • TotallyADD

    Welcome Wonder Woman. Great name. Sorry for all the hurt you are going through. It does get better as time goes on but for now it hurts. This shunning is the JW way of tearing down your self esteem and making you feel worthless and shaming you into going back into the cult. As one of our posters said a few days ago "It's a cult and a crappy one at that". I love that statement it helps me to see what is really going on. It will be sayings like this and others that will give you the resolve to escape with your children from this cult. Start reading all the great books out there on this subject. I suggest reading first Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. It will help you to understand the mentality of this cult. Hang in there we are all here to help in anyway we can. Continue to post and vent your feelings. It does the soul good. Thank you for coming on this forum and looking forward to reading more on your life. Totally ADD

  • AwSnap

    I am just 2 years older than you, and can relate immensly . It sucks. While it may always suck a bit in that aspect, there will be so much more happiness coming your way, if you open yourself up to it. You have a lot of support on this board.

Share this