New to this site. Scared, Lonely and in a lot of pain due to shunning by my family.

by wonder*woman 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • noni1974

    I've been shunned for 14 years. It does get better. At first it was everyone in my family that completely shunned me, then after about a year or so my parents slowly came around and now we have a normal relationship. Everyone else still shunns me but I don't really care because I have friends and my parents. This site is good to talk about what is going on and find people who know what it feels like.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Welcome. Let it play out. Don't let it consume you. Things change with time. Keep busy and enjoy life. Do the things you wouldn't allow yourself before. The normal things you wouldn't allow because of the chains of guilt and WT thinking. Enjoy that freedom and it will become a treasure and your perspective will change when you see THEY are in prison and you are free at last. Keep posting. People here will give you support and better yet their experiences that are like yours and proof of future happiness for you.

  • steve2

    Hey there wonder woman - from the other end of the earth: New Zealand.

    Your chosen name is awesome. The pain is the worst, isn't it? Yet in time you'll also find it instructive: it will motivate you to become clearer about who you are as a humam being and what you will and won't do in the name of love. Thank goodness you have your 2 girls. Thank goodness there's not a husband trying to get them off you. Our mothers have the potential to bring out the best in us and, at times, the worst. Stay with us. We're a diverse group and by no means all advocating the same things. You may be disappointed that we are not a completely "united" group - we have healthy disagreements and learn tolerance for differing views. It can feel very scary coming from a JW background where we were taught as children that everyone must believe and do the same things (and look where it got us!).

    Take small baby steps. Read what well informed people have to say about the Watchtower Society. Looks like you may have already made your mind up about aspects of the organization - but still feel bound to it in some ways despite being disfellowshipped.

    Just as being born into this world in the first place can be a painful and scary process, being "born" into adulthood can be painful and scary. But believe us when we say, it will get better and your steps will get surer. Best, steve

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    WW, I feel your pain. Most of us here do.

    I walked away after a lifetime [I was 48 when I left] of believing everything that came out of the Watchtower. I have been treated like dog-dung since then. I have lost all my 'friends', including my cousin, who was my best-friend for 40 years. You could measure the pain and the tears in buckets. But it gets better. It really does. The true freedom that comes from thinking, choosing, deciding for oneself how to live, where to go, what to believe or not believe, is worth it. Though at some points along the way it did not feel like that.

    Your journey is new. It is going to be the most incredible journey you can imagine. Your mind is going to open to a world that has been shut off, partitioned. You are going to be able to make decisions about your life, and hopefully the life of your children, that, in the end, will make all the pain, all the shunning, but a sting, and eventually just a memory. That is not now. But every journey begins.

    You will find on this forum people who have experienced much the same things. Also, some whom have endured more than you might be able to imagine. But you will find a recurrent theme: peace, as a result of personal freedom. I wish this for you. Time heals. Many here can help, and will.

    Love, laugh, live! Hopefully some here can help you as you take this momentous step into the unknown.



  • hotchocolate

    Yes, this happened to me two years ago, I'd been a witness 35 years. To begin with it is all consuming and overwhelming. Stay strong, leaving the witnesses will be the best decision you ever made.

    Your family may have raised you this way, but this is YOUR LIFE. You have the right to an opinion. You have the right to choose your own beliefs. You have the right to follow your heart. As one friend told me, "They want your heart? Then cut it out and hand it over on a plate."

    The best thing you can do to ease the pain is to find new friends, especially other people who have been through this before. I remember being in a very dark place one time, and I felt that my only link to anyone who cared about me was through this site. That has changed now, and the fact that I'm here less and less is testament that my life is full of new friends and experiences. I will always be deeply grateful for this board.

    Accept that your relationship with your family will never be the same again. :-( Very very hard to do, but the only way to move forward. Accept that this is not your fault, it is not you imposing your beliefs on others. Stand proud in your belief that this religion is not for you.

    Reach out to new friends, join your kids' up to new groups, start meeting new people, find a good counsellor you can pour your heart out to.

    It gets better, much much better. It gets fantastic. I promise you. x

  • C6H12O6

    Welcome to this board!

    I'm so sorry to hear that your own family is shunning you, but I wouldn't focus on that so much.

    The quote: "Living well is the best revenge" got me through the shunning phase. I was making new friends, picking up new hobbies, and doing other stuff to fill my time and to forget about the shunning.

    I hope this thread helps:

    In the mean time, you could get a dog to replace your family. Afterall, a dog's love is unconditional.

  • tenyearsafter

    Welcome to the bord WW!

    I am sorry you are experiencing the pain of shunning at the hands of family. It is a very cruel and, at first, incomprehendible action by the very ones that are supposed to be closest to you. There has been plenty of good advice offered, so all I can add is that it will get better...and the freedom to be you is such a wonderful thing, that the pain you are feeling now will start to fade and you will build a new and better life outside of the control of the WTS.

    Hang will get better!


  • Rocky_Girl

    It is gut-wrenching to read the pain you describe in your post. I have had relatively little shunning, but enough to understand that pain and, in time, anger. The whole purpose of such behavior is to make you feel alone, isolated, and unworthy of social interaction because of your "sin." Most on this board have been through this, too. You will not feel alone for long and the interaction will help take away from some of the despair. Talk to us and let it out, you will feel so much better! I hope that the shunning is short lived and that those who are hurting you will soften their hearts. ((Hugs))

  • Judge Dread
    Judge Dread
    If you are wondering why I am being shunned... just ask.

    Why are you being shunned?


  • Velour

    Hello Miss

    Thank you for opening up and posting. As many have already stated, we've been shunned as well by our family and close friends, I'm included. Please know that you'll find a lot of support here and we're all ready to offer any encouragement you need. Post away on here!

    Allow yourself the time to cry and grieve. Mourning is totally natural right now.

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