by wonder*woman 59 Replies latest jw friends
Hi WW I'd just like to add a word of welcome to the rest. Its extraordinary that these elders have decided to suddenly call you out as an apostate. How ridiculous it all is. I hope you can reach a peaceful solution with your parents at least. The Org has so much to answer for. As others have said this is a good forum with many wonderful people. I hope you stay around and enjoy some support.
Loz x
Welcome & thanks for having the courage to post!
I also identify with you being a 30 something who left the organization (not DF'd or DA'd) and my family also does shun me. I tried to mentally prepare myself for that when I decided to get out two years ago now...but I can't help feeling the hurt too
My dad died on Monday & it has been a terrible ordeal standing on one side of the room while all the JWs are huddled on the other side...with people from your old congregation staring at you uncomfortably and either just walking past you like you are wallpaper...or talking with you just because they feel that they have to (forced fake sympathy is bullshit in my book)
Hang in there WW!!! I agree with other posters that the shunning does in fact come in waves....I bet that your mom will lighten up with a little time-
CHG
Welcome and Hugs wonder*woman! I am sorry that you are being shunned and I am happy that you have a non-JW family for emotional support. I would recommend that you read Steve Hassan's books (e.g., "Combatting Cult Mind Control") to help you deal with JWs in cult mode. The best thing that you can do considering your situation is to continue to send emails (or cards) with pictures to your JW family and friends. It sucks that your JW family and friends are showing you con-Love and you don't have to play by the WTBTS' rules! Showing unconditional love to your JW family and friends by sending them pictures of how happy you are and showing them how much fun you are having will help to overcome the WTBTS' thought control eventually.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
ABibleStudent
WONDER WOMAN- Wow ! What varied and trialsome experiences you've had ! Thanks for the clarification. Please know and understand that our care for you here is sincere and unconditional. And yes, many of us ( myself included ) have ,and are still going through shunning by our JW family in spite of just being inactive and not attending meetings for years. You are not alone my friend.
Usually some of us can just fade off of the elders radar quietly and they won't bother us at all and we can go LIVE our life hassle-free. But what often occurs when somebody fading gets harassed by elders is that a JW relative ( in your case your sister ) lights a fire under the elders rear ends ad gets them to check on us by revealing tainted or false information to the elders. In my case I had not gone to meetings for 4 years and my JW ex-wife ( from whom I was scripturally divorced and she was already re-married ) drove with her husband 80 miles from where I used to live to see if I was having sex with my fiance ( my now wife Mrs. Flipper ) on a Saturday morning at 10:00 A.M. ! No evidence at all as I answered the door fully clothed - but my JW ex-wife spread rumors I was living with my fiance to my JW mom & dad ( in their 80's ) who I had a good relationship with ! So I got these letters from them saying that them and my older elder brother couldn't talk to me anymore if this was true !
Long story short- the ex-wife sicked the elders on me and they tried to DF me with no evidence in 2007. I fought the allegations just to keep talking to my older JW parents ! I threatened to sue the elders for slander & defamation of character if they DFed me with no evidence and I appealed the DFing. Well- I won my appeal, they did not DF me. The WT society Bethel legal told them to not DF me , either due to lack of evidence or the threatening letter to sue them if they did.
The reason I'm telling you this is that the elders have NOTHING on you, just that you have concerns and doubts ! They are going on heresay from your sister which absolutely holds NO water because she is just 1 eyewitness to your statements. AND you didn't say anything to her of substance they could bust you for anyway !
Just be careful to NOT meet with 2 elders. I say this because if 2 elders want to meet with you- it will be to lay the groundwork for preparing a Judicial committee to meet with you in order to determine if you should be DFed . If THAT happens then your mom and other JW relatives would feel pressured to REALLY shun you as they are mind controlled by the WT society to do this.
Your JW relatives are under the influence of mind control tactics by the WT society . That's why they act so weird without normal human feeling and a lack of empathy. Many of my JW relatives act that way as well. Except my parents, they have a great relationship with me as they think more for themselves. In order to understand mind control tactics more fully and how they affect your JW relatives I highly recommend you read 2 books which helped me immensely ! Steve Hassan's books titled " Combatting Cult Mind Control " & " Releasing the Bonds - Empowering People to Think for Themselves " . It helped me to REALLY understand the psychological problem called " dissociative disorder " which is in most JW's today. It's really something that's been instilled into them by the WT society which damages their normal human emotions and reasoning abilities.
I wish you the best my friend ! No need to meet with 2 elders, remember that ! They'll just try to entrap you and will try wedging themselves between you and your JW family trying to pit you against one another. If you ever would like to chat, I'll private mail my wife and my phone number to you, O.K. ? Hang in there my friend, you will do fine, just be careful about how much you diss the organization out loud to our sister or mom. Try to stay on non-JW topics with them or family topics. Keep your chin up , things will get better. But be careful. Check your PM for our phone number
Welcome to the forum wonder woman.
I'm sorry to hear your family has gone dog on you after all this time.
I'm in a slightly different position as I didn't get baptised, so I'm not shunned, but do have a disfunctional relationship with my family.
When I finally realised it was't The Truth and they got snarkey about it when asked difficult questions, I cut a deal with them that if they didn't talk religion, I wouldn't make them defend their church leaders. They don't often break the agreement, but when they do I don't stand for any nonsense.
I made it clear to them (and had to repeat that just a couple of weeks ago) that I didn't choose to be born to members of their church, that they made that choice. They chose to raise me in a church that treats it's non-believing children badly, not me. They chose to raise me in a church that had a history of failed prophesy, something that was warned against in their own Bible. They chose to sweep that information under the rug to hide it from me. Then they lost their moral high ground by being dishonest with me to protect their church leaders (I had asked them questions and received answers that were blatantly and provably deceptive and lies), so now, if they want their moral high ground back, they were going to have to answer my questions with honesty and integrity, without attacking my character or using any of the many tactics they have criticised other religions of.
If your mother tries to tell you something that you know isn't right, insist that she shows you the proof of it. E.g. If you are not DF/DA and she says she is supposed to shun you, insist that she sends you an article that proves it. Also, let her know in no uncertain terms that if her, or her family, do anything that results in you being DF/DA, that that is their choice, not yours, and any bad behaviour towards you is a result of their choices, not yours. You just want a family. Now behave yourselves and act like one.
The hard part is to get that message across nicely. That's a skill I don't have :-)
Never discuss Bible. It never has a happy ending for either party and JWs don't believe it anyway.
Chris
Hey wonder woman, I hope that you remain strong, and you are always in my thoughts...be sure to post your life story.
Hello and Welcome, WW! THank you for sharing your situation. At least it sounds like your mother is reasonable. All I can say is hang in there and stand your ground. Things will get better. As Churchill said, if you're going through hell, keep going. YOu are among friends here who can truly understand what you're going through. This silliness to begin shunning just because the family feels like it is unBiblical and cruel--and bravo for you for telling your mother that that's what convinces you that JWs don't have the truth. Good for you!
“Hello,
This is my very first post to this forum. I am begging for some much needed encouragement and support by those who are kind hearted and know exactly the PAIN shunning causes. First off, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 30 year old former Jehovah's Witness and a mother of two beautiful girls…”
Glad to meet you, I was forty three when the elders “non-lovingly” kicked my Arse out of the “non-Christian” congregation. They did me a favor really, the disfellowshiping enabled me to come to grips with the fact that the so called (“Truth”) as dispensed by the Jehovah’s Witnesses could not be the truth as directed an all wise and loving creator who made everything wonderful in the universe; and provided his son to redeem and ransom us all from our condemnation of death from father Adam and mother Eve. I have learned so much since being freed from this god dishonoring cult. “The truth shall set you free”, in more ways than one.
Hello and welcome, Wonder*woman!
I'm a non-jw with some family in. I'm also "bad association" because I failed to progress with my "Bible" study.
I wonder if your sister was prompted by the horrible July WT article about apostates.
I've slowly learned that there is no reasoning with beleiving jws, and no compromising either. The only hope is to connect when they are in "soft" mode, have a good time together, and just wait out the times they need to toe the wt line.
I'm so glad your mother rang you, and hope she keeps in touch.
All the best, Retro.
Welcome, Wonder Woman.
You are not disfellowshipped, but shunned? That is horrible. Keep on posting on this site. Many here have been through what you are experiencing.
This will take some time to heal, but, you will get stronger. Good for you in having a successful family life. You are already strong for resisting some of the pressures put on you. The pain of this experience will also be conquered.
Talk it out, and don't blame God. It's the people, the org, the narrow mindedness of people that make them act this cruel.
