I have, on occasion, pissed off many or most of the Christians on this board. I have forthrightly ridiculed you at times, but more often, I have lathered satire, or frothed sarcasm at what appeared to me to be inanely ludicrous viewpoint.
I must apologize, for I have seen the light.
I now understand that all of mankind's' plight can indeed be traced to a day in a perfect garden in Iraq. An eloquent snake overcame a naked woman with words that rang truer to her than the words of her Master and God. So she ate - such an ungodly act! Eating an apple!, and that, way ahead of the 'breezy part of the day'. God appeared, he could not find the naked couple, so ashamed of their unholy act of eating an apple, that the result was a need to get dressed and hide from God. For who would not fear that great temper of a father who threatens death for his children's great sins - especially those as great as apple eating.
I 'get it' now. God didn't lie when he said they would 'die in the very day that they ate from it' - it was a misunderstanding! God's days are not measured like those of man. Besides, this way millions and billions of men and women could come to live on the miserable earth that God promised it would become if Eve ate that apple! Damn her to hell! How dare she eat an apple. Did she not understand that justice would demand that all mankind would suffer for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time if she ate one of God's apples?
I have come to appreciate that God had no choice but the slaughter of great numbers, including little babies, whom he wished to be 'dashed upon the rocks'. They had it coming. Who the hell did they think they were to be born outside of his 'chosen people'? And the adults - well - what can be said for the selfish bastards? They actually fought against people coming to evict them from their cities and region. They should have just left!
And the flood - exactly what was needed then. I cannot understand why those people didn't believe Noah when he built a boat in the middle of the desert and claimed that water was to fall from the sky - something that had never happened in all of history. And I bet that damned boat was plenty large enough to hold all the people if they had 'repented' from not believing such stories. It could have surely held the millions of souls that were challenged to believe it or die.
And when God 'lead' the Israelites to Egypt, allowed them sold into slavery, it was entirely just that he did so for the purpose of showing those damned Egyptians they couldn't mess with God or his people that way! Never-mind that they were about to die out because of starvation, or that Joseph, their brother set up the plan for their slavery. Slavery is just wrong - well, except the slavery that God agreed was acceptable within his people. That's different!
And then the blessed arrival of Jesus to 'save' us sinners. Wow. What a grand thing that! Jesus died - he was dead for almost three whole days - that is the price needed for the billions of years of ruined life on this planet because Eve ate that apple. Billions of years of life have passed on since then too - most of it miserable. Goes to show what happens when a woman eats an apple offered by a snake. Two thousand years later we are still praising Jesus for his 9 hours of suffering and his three days of death. Who could have suffered to such an extent? Surely no one has ever suffered to such level as that! What a sacrifice. Oh Jesus- Thank you.
When I look about, I don't see anything different in the world. But, oh, I do with my eyes of Faith!!! Hallelujah! I know it seems a long time coming. But really - just two thousand years have passed. Salvation is just around the corner for us! But salvation is ours. No doubt we will soon be singing from the heavens - oh glory!!!!
My apologies - those damned cynics and rational thinkers trapped me into Satan's cage! I should not think for myself. I should not nit-pic at the Bible - for it is THE HOLY WORD OF GOD ABOVE!!!!!!!! All efforts to disprove it are wasted - THE BIBLE IS TRUE - FOR THE BIBLE SAYS IT IS TRUE!! Amen and Amen! Come Lord Jesus!
There - I have purged myself of my sins - and just in case the Catholics have it right aside from all others - I have repeated 50000 'Hail Mary's'. I currently reside in sackcloth and ashes!
Now I may rest in peace this night. Jesus is my shepherd, I shall not want any longer! I shall wait upon him who is the Rock of Salvation!
Forgive me now? I have repented, brethren and sistren!
Jeff
