I was never DF'ed, I wasn't abused, I never lost a loved one to the ban on blood

by OnTheWayOut 75 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    Strange title, huh?

    The point is that I wasn't "burned" in some incredible way by WTS and I don't carry a huge chip on my shoulder from some incredible injustice from WTS or the local elders.

    I say this because some people have constantly accused me of being really screwed over by my experience because of my comments on others' threads. I explained myself there for my reasons, but wanted to repeat what those reasons are here in my own thread.

    I explained on some post somewhere that I had felt that I experienced "divine intervention" in my life at one time and that same intervention ended my suicide attempt. A huge part of my concern is that I know what my "intervention" led to- eventual joining a dangerous mind-control cult. (In my case, the JW's.) I denied for years and years that my intervention was anything other than what I believed it was. I was absolutely 100% certain of what I had experienced being genuine and beneficial to me, right up until I knew that was not the case. The direction I thought I received seemed fully beneficial to me and never was I guided to destructive actions, quite the opposite. Yet, eventually I realized that such an experience was a product of my own mind. If I had received proper medical help immediately instead of just a couple of doctors making sure I was done wanting to kill myself and putting me back on my way in life, I am pretty sure I would have avoided becoming a JW.

    I see on JWN, a crowd that seems to relate to what I am about. They too, were not necessarily "burned" so badly to get out of WTS. I mean- sure, plenty did lose a loved one or got divorced over what happened to them. Many have family shunning them. But there are also those that just faded or walked away without being kicked to the ground. Yet, here they are along with me on JWN.

    Some of us just have a passion about what happened to us. I face issues with WTS everyday because my mother and my wife (along with many in my wife's family) are active JW's. I haven't been able to walk away entirely. Anyone can have reasons for "hanging on" to some resentment.

    On a thread I started, I stated:

    Some people feel that they can post their innermost thoughts or very different beliefs here and that anyone questioning them is mocking or ridiculing or persecuting them.

    I hoped to make it clear that this is the internet and some feelings might get hurt. "Don't take it so personal" is not quite the right comment, because it is personal when we comment or start threads. How about "Get over yourself!" ?

  • cantleave

    Good for OTWO - a bit like me, I just couldn't stay part of an organisation that had lied to three generations of my family.

    I am not bitter, just dissapointed with myself for not seeing it sooner.

  • ziddina

    Interesting, OnTheWayOut...

    I, too, was never DF', and never lost a 'loved' one to the blood transfusion ban...

    My parents were vicious batterers and abusers, and it was THEIR vicious, hypocritical behavior that REALLY set me free from the religion. After all, since leaving meant "shunning" - and I HATED them - the "shunning" would be beneficial to me...

    And like you, I also reached a suicidal point in my life - which I considered to be a HUGE red flag. Anytime something pushes a human being to the point of destrying themselves, there's something REALLY WRONG with that situation - even if the person trapped in it is 'blaming themselves' - or the "Satanic" world, or whatever other excuse the Watchtower organization loved to come up with...

    However, being as isolated from the 'world' as we were as Jehovah's Witnesses, it became pretty obvious which predominant influence was ACTUALLY responsible for my self-destructive impulses...


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    My emotions tend to flux. Most of the time I am completely over it - don't think about it for days at a time with any seriousness. Then once in a while it hits me like a ton of bricks - especially losing lifetime 'friends' over something as simple as disagreeing about beliefs.

    It's like having survived cancer or something - most of the time life is wonderful, then occasionally one hammers the desk and asks why it had to be me that has to wonder about a recurrence. Well, at least I think it is like that perhaps.


  • brotherdan

    Interesting OTWO. I am like you too. I came to my conclusions based on what I learned about the organization. I actually find it a bit lame (sorry everyone!) when people leave for reasons like "I noticed a lack of love". You are going to find a "lack of love" no matter where you go. People are going to be people.

  • sherah

    Good topic, OTWO.

    The title describes my situation, I just woke up and wanted out. And it is personal for those who have family still inside, so I can understand the resentment and anger some on this board have toward the WT.

  • sherah

    "Lack of love" in the congregation was the catalyst for me to examine WT teachings. I think it's a good if there is some action taken by the dub not feeling the warm christian love.

  • Lozhasleft

    OTWO ....big hugs.

    Loz x

  • just n from bethel
    just n from bethel

    I've sent some pms to some here and your post almost sounded like a copy of my message.

  • believingxjw

    "How about "Get over yourself!" ?"

    I think this is very good advice. Sometimes we focus too much on ourselves and our problems.

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