At a loss what to do RE: JW family and my kids

by 2pink 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • wantstoleave

    Thanks MS, hard habit to I have never even mentioned any terms around my kids. I don't even think they have heard the term Jehovah's witnesses. They know about the Kingdom Hall and Jehovah's name...but that's it. I haven't done a very good job have!!

  • flipper

    2PINK- You need to stand your ground towards JW parents & relatives. They are trying to control you and set the conditions for visiting your minor children- yet treating you like crap. This is unacceptable. If you go along with this condescending behavior you will be teaching your kids this is acceptable for grandpa & grandma to treat mom & dad like dirt- but, Oh ! they love you grandchildren. It's BS. I would call your parents bluff and your other relatives and tell them if they want to visit your children- they have to visit you and hubby too.

    My wife and I called BS on my JW parents and older JW brother & his wife 4 years ago when they wrote condescending letters to us saying they'd shun us as faders. By us standing up for our rights- it kind of shocked them and they chilled out seeing we would not accept it. Don't cooperate with crazy JW cult shunning of you. Tell them you will not accept you or your children being treated this way. I bet your parents wil cower to you. Hang in there, it's not easy, I know. Been there, done that


    I apologise to the board for saying this, but I don't apologise to Alice.
    I can't stand when someone like this is in pain and asking for help and telling a painful story and some fargin' icehole calls them a liar.

    It's actually worse if this person is telling the truth. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. You adopt these extreme partisan viewpoints of the "brainwashed cult members," enemies you call “family.” I guess I could call Tiger Woods brainwashed for believing in Buddha: "I like Buddhism because it's a whole way of being and living," Tiger Woods told Sports Illustrated.

    I don't. Allthough I disagree, I respect the way of life that makes sense to him. If this person is telling the truth I'm sure the believing family is aware of her cold-hearted stigmatization towards her family's beliefs. She deserves whatever problems come of it. Lie all you want. I'm not the close-minded, partisan troll.

  • mrsjones5

    Jehovah's Witnesses never take this antagonistic rant toward unbelieving family.

    Lmfao! *cough* troll *cough*

  • palmtree67


    If you are not a troll, then you are one cold-hearted ice bitch.

    Go back to the kingdom Hall. That's where your kind belongs.

  • jamiebowers

    Okay, I think I make the same comment several times a week, and here it is again:

    For the love of all that is holy, DO NOT allow your children to be alone with jws! Why would you want your kids to be around someone who disrespects you? Think back to all of the horrible things your brainwashed jw parents taught you when you were little: "Armageddon's coming, the world is bad, you shouldn't think so much of yourself so as to want to celebrate your are going to be tortured for your beliefs".

    Small children living in fear for their lives is child abuse, and there's no two ways about it! If the grandparents really want to see your children, they will "lower" themselves to be in your "vile" company....period.

  • AudeSapere
    Alice wrote: Jehovah's Witnesses never take this antagonistic rant toward unbelieving family

    I think the difference is in how they treat family that never was JW as opposed to family that was [baptized] JW who then chose to leave and were then either DA'd or DF'd.

    With never-were-witness family, they are much more tolerant and forgiving.

    With DA'd, DF'd, and some faders there may not be antagonistic behaviors, but they are strongly encouraged to keep separate from them except for necessary family members. Therefore, the unbaptized grandchildren are considered acceptable and in need of saving. The DA'd, DF'd and Faded parents of those children are considered dangerous to their spirituality.


  • jwfacts

    I would not recommend you allow your MIL to visit if she is not prepared to accept you being there. That gives the impression that you support her insane ideas and that you are fine with being the victim. It is bad enough that the grandparents believe what they do and may try to force that on the grandchildren, but worse that they will be teaching your children that it is acceptable for religious differences to destroy the family bond.

    I allow my 2yo son to see his grandparents, including some unsupervised periods. But I insist that they must spend at least some time with me when seeing him so that he does not get the impression that I support family shunning.

    Although I am not happy that the grandparents may be teaching things that I do not agree with, I am also of the belief that it is best for a person to receive both sides of the story and make an informed decision. As my son gets older and starts to repeat JW theology that they may say, I will be sure to show him that there are many ways to think about things. I think that is an important step in developing critical thinking skills.

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker know I adore you. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it sucks.

    I too have lost all of my family, some because they shunned us first, others because I shunned first because of ugly history.

    Still others have tried to just shun me, and not my kids and husband. That is the biggest disrespect.

    My mother in law called me vile and horrible things, and my husband told her that "If you can't respect my wife, and the mother of these children, then you have no business being an influence in their lives. You bring nothing but disrespect and hatred regarding the person that I love the most in life, and that they love most in life. You change your opinions and your actions, then we'll reconsider"

    She said "Oh, ok, but you are making a huge mistake, she will RUIN your kids"

    She'll not be back.

    As far as my kids are concerned, the don't hardly EVER ask about family, which were very close before. I can only express to you what we've discovered, and it's that they are perfectly happy not to have to watch their mouths around family, because when they do/did see them, they'd mention their real lives and the "offended" person would express dismay at their expression of how wonderful it was to have a birthday or whatever, they'd feel bad about their choice, and when the family member left we'd have to go into repair mode. It just wasn't worth it. That was our choice. The kids are OK with it, although mine are a bit older than yours, they seem to get it, that the JW family is judgemental, non accepting, selfish and angry. None of those things are qualities we endorse or promote in our house.

    We are happier people OUT, and they know it. We emphasis that, not the loss of the family, but at what cost....the cost was actually a BENEFIT, in that we are happier, more accepting of differences, offer the kids choices and keep communication open on ALL things (and holy crap, we have teens too, so that's a doozie)

    You'll have to make your own choices, and I know you will and you'll be fine. Lean on those that support and love you!

    Lastly, I will back up what each and every person here has said regarding not leaving the kids alone with them. It reinforces their stupid rules, the kids will sense tension and feel badly, it opens up a way, almost a PERMISSION to speak ill of you, or around the subject of you by addressing your choices and life now. There is so much guilt and secrets and just negativity that could be promoted by allowing this. Even moreso since they've disrespected you and your husband by saying the things they have, and chosing the WT over you all.

    Sorry this was so long, can you tell it's near and dear to me right now? Ugh. Hang in there, you know where to find me :)

  • tec

    I've never been in your situation - but in any other situation where the grandparent's/other relatives refused to include you in that visit because they thought you were evil?

    No way.

    I would not allow them to see my children alone. Your children depend on you to protect them. If their grandparent's want to see them, then I would say sure - but that you'll be there too, because you are a family NOT to be divided. You can reevaluate whether or not they can continue to see the children down the road.

    When your children are older, you can be honest with them about what their grandparent's believe and why you left. Honesty and sincerity will go a long way.


Share this