i have 2 small kids, ages 4 and 5 yrs and one on the way (via adoption!). my husband and i faded/suddenly disappeared last fall, never to go back to meetings. we outed ourselves and told our super hardcore parents/family members that we didn't believe it anymore, were choosing a different path etc. we did this for 2 reasons 1. i wanted to be honest...no more living a lie (would've stayed dub if i was into that) and 2. i wanted my kids to be able to live normal lives, celebrate holidays, etc without fear of having to hide it from grandma kind of thing. so the reveal did not go so well...both my husbands and my family took it pretty hard. understandable cause they are all elder/pioneer status.
anyway sorry for the boring background, but i need some advice as far as how to proceed. none of the aunts/uncles want to see my kids anymore and that's fine. whatever. the sets of grandparents have expressed interest in seeing them still. my parents came up last week to see the kids (stayed in a hotel of course...not their filthy apostate daughter's home) after having gone over a year since seeing my kids. my husbands mom wants to come in august to see the girls but has said she does not want to see us. AND i know my mother in law has serious hatred toward me as she sees me as one who pulled her son out of the "troof" (more like opened his freeking eyes!). she has said some very cruel things about me recently that i'm not sure even my husband knows about...and i don't want to tell him to taint that relationship further.
so really my question is the kids...how much contact do we allow these grandparents? one part of me wants to let them see the kids as much as they want...anytime. because i do not want to be one to cut off ties from my kids from anyone ever. i want them to have taht choice later in life should it come down to it. BUT the other part of me is mad as hell at how we've been treated and i KNOW that eventually, if my kids grow up and dont' choose to be brainwashed into the cult, they will eventually be shunned too. additionally, i am worried about what both sets of grandparents say to and/or in front of my kids when they are alone. my kids are so little that there is no way to know if the grandparents are shit talking us in front of them (well based on prior knowledge of how they looooooooooove shit talking i'm sure they are) and i'm also certain they are talking up their bible/jehovah/paradise crap when we are still trying to deprogram that from the kids' brains.
how would you proceed? i don't want to cut off all ties like i said, but is it fair to lay "stipulations" on the grandparent time? ie you can do this but not that, say this but not taht? i'm really in a hard place here...at this point i want what is best for my kids and them only. i want them to maintain these family ties as this is pretty much all we've got left...but then i wonder at what cost are we maintaining this?
would appreciate any input/opinions/experiences from those who've been there. thanks!