At a loss what to do RE: JW family and my kids

by 2pink 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • 2pink

    i have 2 small kids, ages 4 and 5 yrs and one on the way (via adoption!). my husband and i faded/suddenly disappeared last fall, never to go back to meetings. we outed ourselves and told our super hardcore parents/family members that we didn't believe it anymore, were choosing a different path etc. we did this for 2 reasons 1. i wanted to be more living a lie (would've stayed dub if i was into that) and 2. i wanted my kids to be able to live normal lives, celebrate holidays, etc without fear of having to hide it from grandma kind of thing. so the reveal did not go so well...both my husbands and my family took it pretty hard. understandable cause they are all elder/pioneer status.

    anyway sorry for the boring background, but i need some advice as far as how to proceed. none of the aunts/uncles want to see my kids anymore and that's fine. whatever. the sets of grandparents have expressed interest in seeing them still. my parents came up last week to see the kids (stayed in a hotel of course...not their filthy apostate daughter's home) after having gone over a year since seeing my kids. my husbands mom wants to come in august to see the girls but has said she does not want to see us. AND i know my mother in law has serious hatred toward me as she sees me as one who pulled her son out of the "troof" (more like opened his freeking eyes!). she has said some very cruel things about me recently that i'm not sure even my husband knows about...and i don't want to tell him to taint that relationship further.

    so really my question is the much contact do we allow these grandparents? one part of me wants to let them see the kids as much as they want...anytime. because i do not want to be one to cut off ties from my kids from anyone ever. i want them to have taht choice later in life should it come down to it. BUT the other part of me is mad as hell at how we've been treated and i KNOW that eventually, if my kids grow up and dont' choose to be brainwashed into the cult, they will eventually be shunned too. additionally, i am worried about what both sets of grandparents say to and/or in front of my kids when they are alone. my kids are so little that there is no way to know if the grandparents are shit talking us in front of them (well based on prior knowledge of how they looooooooooove shit talking i'm sure they are) and i'm also certain they are talking up their bible/jehovah/paradise crap when we are still trying to deprogram that from the kids' brains.

    how would you proceed? i don't want to cut off all ties like i said, but is it fair to lay "stipulations" on the grandparent time? ie you can do this but not that, say this but not taht? i'm really in a hard place this point i want what is best for my kids and them only. i want them to maintain these family ties as this is pretty much all we've got left...but then i wonder at what cost are we maintaining this?

    would appreciate any input/opinions/experiences from those who've been there. thanks!

  • babygirl30


    As I see it (and I'm not a parent) but I feel since YOU are the parent YOU need to dictate the limits of contact your children can have with their gp's. You have ever right to curb the conversations they CAN have with YOUR children! But remember, JWs are taught that no matter the circumstance, 'preaching' about Jehovah (informally also) is their duty - despite laws and regulations. SO, whether or not you tell them that they can see your kids as long as NO biblical discussions take place, prepare yourself for them to at LEAST slip in some teacihngs here and's just what they do.

  • notverylikely

    What do you do with the kids? Well, you can make some nice steak brouchettes out of them or a spicy stew....oh, wrong thread.

  • sherah

    Will these be unsupervised visits? If so, I would be extremely hesitant to let my kids visit with them without me or my spouse present based on their comments/treatment.

  • NiceDream

    I would be really upset if the grandparents wanted to see the children without me or my spouse there. I don't think I would let that happen. Hang in there! I hope things get better for you soon.

    In the meantime, you can focus on you and your family, and creating fun traditions and holidays together.

  • wasblind

    This religion causes division between family members, your main concern should be about your husband and children

    it's a blessing that you got out as a family unit, be thankful for that, The grand parents will eventually try to convert

    the children and make them feel guilty for living the life that you and your husband have choosen for them. the children don't

    need to have that stress in their life. when you and your husband chose to leave, you knew what the consequenses would

    be. The best thing you can do is live the very best life you can, and don't give anyone the power to take away your happiness

    i know you will miss your relatives it's only natural, but if they are gonna cause pain in the long run let them go.

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Give your kids a book to carry "Crisis of Concience" by Raymond Franz during the visit.....tell them to give it to Granny as a present.

  • sooner7nc

    4 and 5 years old? Sorry, but I would only let them see them with me around and if they didn't like it they could go f*** thereself.

    Yep, that's about how I would put it.

    Good for you that you got out as a group.

  • wasblind

    Let the grand parents know that you are one as a family and that you will not be separated.


    I don't even take the “family” stories ppl tell here at all seriously. I know many families with unbelieving family members. Jehovah's Witnesses never take this antagonistic rant toward unbelieving family. Whether the supposed “family members” exist or not they're nothing but expendable pawns in your anti-JW scheme.

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